09-23-2017, 05:23 PM
Tonight as I was driving home I was thinking/mulling about internal vs. external locus/validation.
On the one hand, more people are smiling at me than ever before. More people say hi to me than ever before, more people are open to me than ever before, yet internally I feel like shit.
It's like I can't believe that is true. And yet, if I did and then relied on all that external stuff, it'd be very victim of me. :/
I hope I'm making sense.
Like, when doing D2D I have the hardest time motivating myself to ring a door bell these days. I imagine everything will go bad.
But then if I remind myself that things usually go right, my internal talk comes in and says "Don't be externally focused!"
So it's like I can never be happy or feel good about myself.
And then if I did but didn't get any sales, I'd tell myself it's because I'm too out of touch with reality.
Damn. It's harsh.
On the one hand, more people are smiling at me than ever before. More people say hi to me than ever before, more people are open to me than ever before, yet internally I feel like shit.
It's like I can't believe that is true. And yet, if I did and then relied on all that external stuff, it'd be very victim of me. :/
I hope I'm making sense.
Like, when doing D2D I have the hardest time motivating myself to ring a door bell these days. I imagine everything will go bad.
But then if I remind myself that things usually go right, my internal talk comes in and says "Don't be externally focused!"
So it's like I can never be happy or feel good about myself.
And then if I did but didn't get any sales, I'd tell myself it's because I'm too out of touch with reality.
Damn. It's harsh.
