11-23-2020, 10:31 AM
Day 3 journaling.
This morning I felt tired I wanted to sleep the whole morning, but I woke up at 9 am and started working, as we work from home these days.
I am loving this combination of OF and DMSI I feel really good. I started to communicate better and actually be myself, usually I don't feel much interest in others, I feel they are all just dumb and insecure always trying and pretending to be someone else with constant validation seeking. This is harsh but, its how I feel.
OF
It seems OF is improving all aspect of my life. I started to workout better, I am getting back my gains. I started to trade the financial market better, I am consciously monitoring my trading activity and also journaling and guiding others on how to trade. I am listening to the subs better, even this entire journal is came alive as a result of OF.
DMSI
OF seems to provide the way to DMSI success as well, not sure, but this run is definitely different than previous runs. I realized something major, I am not myself all the time. This is very important, people who get to see the true side of me always fall in love, whether guys or girls. If I can manage to be myself all the time, I would definitely make more relationships than ever. I actually realized this while I was watching SUITS, I realized the guy Mike in the series is almost always himself, whether he is around guys or girls. he is always him. Then I also remembered Hank Moody from Californication, he always behaves with the same personality around everyone. Does this mean I have personality disorder? to whatever degree? I think most of us suffer from it then, many of us shift personalities as we encounter different group of people.
I realized that I alter my personality, but I always thought it was a positive thing to do, because:
1- It protects me from certain people: I thought if I behave in certain way with some group of people who I don't like, it would make these people unattracted to me. Now this kind of behavior is coming from childhood, you can see why its a very conservatives approach. I now see, this is not a good thing to do, if I don't like someone I should instead understand why I don't like them and if I cant workout it out, then I should just distance myself, instead of behaving unattractively.
2- It protects my privacy: I am an INTJ, Virgo. So you can guess already that I am a lone wolf, and having my own time where I am alone is very important to me, in-fact I feel absolute best when I am alone. Now, this is all okay, but the question is, why do I think that people can take this away from me? This seems to be irrational fear, I mean I can be as attractive as I want and still have the luxury to be alone when I want. I don't have to behave in certain way to be un-attractive so that I can protect my privacy.
In the other hand, I also alter my personality to attract women, by:
--- Girls attraction (prolonged seduction?): I think when I meet any girl, it takes me very short time to know subconsciously what kind of personality would attract her, and because of this, I always tune a version of myself to that personality. Like I make that part of myself the dominant of my personality. This works great most of the time, Untttttil when I am around a group of people who all I tuned myself to different version of me in different time frames, here things can go wrong and I cant always find a middle ground. In fact this is not only around girls, but even when I am around a group that involves people I like and don't like, I will just behave very cold and quiet and get all over my head.
This is interesting, I love the realizations. Going to run 5 loops of OF tonight, and I will decide in the morning whether to run DMSI (1loop) in the afternoon or not.
This morning I felt tired I wanted to sleep the whole morning, but I woke up at 9 am and started working, as we work from home these days.
I am loving this combination of OF and DMSI I feel really good. I started to communicate better and actually be myself, usually I don't feel much interest in others, I feel they are all just dumb and insecure always trying and pretending to be someone else with constant validation seeking. This is harsh but, its how I feel.
OF
It seems OF is improving all aspect of my life. I started to workout better, I am getting back my gains. I started to trade the financial market better, I am consciously monitoring my trading activity and also journaling and guiding others on how to trade. I am listening to the subs better, even this entire journal is came alive as a result of OF.
DMSI
OF seems to provide the way to DMSI success as well, not sure, but this run is definitely different than previous runs. I realized something major, I am not myself all the time. This is very important, people who get to see the true side of me always fall in love, whether guys or girls. If I can manage to be myself all the time, I would definitely make more relationships than ever. I actually realized this while I was watching SUITS, I realized the guy Mike in the series is almost always himself, whether he is around guys or girls. he is always him. Then I also remembered Hank Moody from Californication, he always behaves with the same personality around everyone. Does this mean I have personality disorder? to whatever degree? I think most of us suffer from it then, many of us shift personalities as we encounter different group of people.
I realized that I alter my personality, but I always thought it was a positive thing to do, because:
1- It protects me from certain people: I thought if I behave in certain way with some group of people who I don't like, it would make these people unattracted to me. Now this kind of behavior is coming from childhood, you can see why its a very conservatives approach. I now see, this is not a good thing to do, if I don't like someone I should instead understand why I don't like them and if I cant workout it out, then I should just distance myself, instead of behaving unattractively.
2- It protects my privacy: I am an INTJ, Virgo. So you can guess already that I am a lone wolf, and having my own time where I am alone is very important to me, in-fact I feel absolute best when I am alone. Now, this is all okay, but the question is, why do I think that people can take this away from me? This seems to be irrational fear, I mean I can be as attractive as I want and still have the luxury to be alone when I want. I don't have to behave in certain way to be un-attractive so that I can protect my privacy.
In the other hand, I also alter my personality to attract women, by:
--- Girls attraction (prolonged seduction?): I think when I meet any girl, it takes me very short time to know subconsciously what kind of personality would attract her, and because of this, I always tune a version of myself to that personality. Like I make that part of myself the dominant of my personality. This works great most of the time, Untttttil when I am around a group of people who all I tuned myself to different version of me in different time frames, here things can go wrong and I cant always find a middle ground. In fact this is not only around girls, but even when I am around a group that involves people I like and don't like, I will just behave very cold and quiet and get all over my head.
This is interesting, I love the realizations. Going to run 5 loops of OF tonight, and I will decide in the morning whether to run DMSI (1loop) in the afternoon or not.
