Hey guys. Long time no update! So, this sub is actually doing serious shit, and it took me getting back home to Melbourne to realise exactly what. Firstly, my general social confidence has vastly improved. I never realised that I had an undercurrent of anxiety around people until now that its gone. Walking around in public, talking to cashiers etc. all has a different feel now, I feel much more open and relaxed. There was a part of me that felt like strangers were threatening in the past, and it feels like thats gone.
Secondly, I'm more motivated to do shit with my life than I ever have been. And its a natural motivation, rather than forced like in the past. I washed a load of my clothes willingly for the first time today haha. I'm constantly thinking about what I want to do with my life, and I've decided the online diet and training consultant business is the way I want to go. I've realised that I have a passion for music and performing, and that's why I don't want to be reliant on it for money, I'd rather build a lifestyle that allows me to do that for fun and passion, and have a separate income that grants me freedom and self reliance.
I did poppy tea for the first time in six weeks last night, and it had a completely different feel from the past. I was no longer escaping, and although it felt pleasurable and enjoyable, it felt pointless, and not like something I'm craving to do again. That shocked me. I thought I would have to actively moderate and restrict my usage to like once a month so I wouldn't get physically dependent again, but now I don't even have a desire to do it that often. The idea of achieving things and working on myself is much more exciting.
Finally, on women, my feeling is, meh. I just don't care. And I don't mind that at all. I'm more interested in the thought of having good connections than sex right now, although I still don't plan on being monogamous
About a month ago, I was only considering running either SM or WM, but now for the first time, I'm considering BASE, to help me get started with my business.
Exciting times guys. Scary, some life anxiety at times, but exciting.
Occasionally I get hit with some life apathy, but when it clears, I'm great. Worlds apart from where I was at this point last run.
Secondly, I'm more motivated to do shit with my life than I ever have been. And its a natural motivation, rather than forced like in the past. I washed a load of my clothes willingly for the first time today haha. I'm constantly thinking about what I want to do with my life, and I've decided the online diet and training consultant business is the way I want to go. I've realised that I have a passion for music and performing, and that's why I don't want to be reliant on it for money, I'd rather build a lifestyle that allows me to do that for fun and passion, and have a separate income that grants me freedom and self reliance.
I did poppy tea for the first time in six weeks last night, and it had a completely different feel from the past. I was no longer escaping, and although it felt pleasurable and enjoyable, it felt pointless, and not like something I'm craving to do again. That shocked me. I thought I would have to actively moderate and restrict my usage to like once a month so I wouldn't get physically dependent again, but now I don't even have a desire to do it that often. The idea of achieving things and working on myself is much more exciting.
Finally, on women, my feeling is, meh. I just don't care. And I don't mind that at all. I'm more interested in the thought of having good connections than sex right now, although I still don't plan on being monogamous
About a month ago, I was only considering running either SM or WM, but now for the first time, I'm considering BASE, to help me get started with my business.
Exciting times guys. Scary, some life anxiety at times, but exciting.
Occasionally I get hit with some life apathy, but when it clears, I'm great. Worlds apart from where I was at this point last run.
Turning super saiyan.
