07-03-2014, 04:34 PM
Day 4
I woke up very tired. But feeling emotionally stable most of the day.
I realized I have some issues that I hope this subs will also help me to cope with.
I used to have a fear of failure and not beeing good enough related to perfectionisim and I think that is still affecting me. It used to be much worse in the past though.
In about 3 years ago when I started the journey of becoming a better me I have managed to minimize that self beating destructive thinking that was holding me back with help from Behavioural cocnitive therapy and some positive thinking and pyshcology. I also got ridden of stage fright.
Still today I think this negativity and being unkind to myself affects me a bit because I don’t allow myself too much to visualize and fantasise about the future and things I want to do because I am afraid it will fail and its better to not to have any expectations.
and there is also that my ex-ex boyfriend that I broke up with 1 and a half year ago said some nasty things that got under my skin and It still affects me today even if I know consiously that it is not true what he said.
and now when I am dealing with this break up and being rejected it doesn’t really help with that not being good enough feeling and I catch my self thinking negative thoughts about that maybe my ex was right and I’ll never be loved again.
I know that conciously is just a bullshit and I am good enough to be loved but somehow my unconcious is not kinda getting it.. Yet.
Day 5
I had a hard time falling asleep last night. Felt some unpleasant feelings in my body/leg right before falling asleep. woke up at 6 and was beetween sleeping and awakeness for 2 hours before I got up.
I Also had a lot of dreams that I went to meet my ex, I don’t really recall them clearly but I feel it was about more like for us to reconcile and be friends but not getting back together and surprisingly I was really much okay with that in my dream.
Currently I feel the need to want to stay friends with him and and to keep him in my life, even if we’d never get romantically involved again.
That has never happened to me before with ex’es but before I decide anything I am going to let things settle and get some distance and see what happens.
But despite all that I had a really good day today, (no sobbing or crying at all!)
I noticed that it didn’t affect me negatively when I heard a very emotional song that was about a break up in the radio. (It used to affect me)
Went to coaching session after work and it was amazing.
I have started the journey to find my passion
I felt confident, stressed, sceptical and all the cycle just in that one hour vizualising my goal.
I decided that I am going to keep going with my studies and finish my master in the field that I currently know is not my passion. I am going abroad as an exchange student in beginning of 2015- very exciting
the reason I want to stay in that field, at least to try it out is I want to see if there will be any difference to work in that field because I don’t have any working experience there and I don’t want to throw it all away in the trash can before I have really tried on myself what it is like. Hopefully I’ll enjoy it even more in the “real” world even if the theoritical methodology is not so appealing to me anymore.
I also found out that I don’t want to keep all of my eggs in the same basket if the first one fails. Hence the plan now is that I am going to find my passion outside that field and I know I am really interested and want to study something in my free time related to EFT, positive psycology and self improvement and I want to focus on that. Already found some books that I started to read tonight
Hopefully one day I will know enough about it so I’ll be able to have my own trainings and teach people the stuff I have been practicing.
that is my long term goal!
Soo nice to find a goal that I really like and I want to focus on.
Lot of things happening now and I am so happy about it
I woke up very tired. But feeling emotionally stable most of the day.
I realized I have some issues that I hope this subs will also help me to cope with.
I used to have a fear of failure and not beeing good enough related to perfectionisim and I think that is still affecting me. It used to be much worse in the past though.
In about 3 years ago when I started the journey of becoming a better me I have managed to minimize that self beating destructive thinking that was holding me back with help from Behavioural cocnitive therapy and some positive thinking and pyshcology. I also got ridden of stage fright.
Still today I think this negativity and being unkind to myself affects me a bit because I don’t allow myself too much to visualize and fantasise about the future and things I want to do because I am afraid it will fail and its better to not to have any expectations.
and there is also that my ex-ex boyfriend that I broke up with 1 and a half year ago said some nasty things that got under my skin and It still affects me today even if I know consiously that it is not true what he said.
and now when I am dealing with this break up and being rejected it doesn’t really help with that not being good enough feeling and I catch my self thinking negative thoughts about that maybe my ex was right and I’ll never be loved again.
I know that conciously is just a bullshit and I am good enough to be loved but somehow my unconcious is not kinda getting it.. Yet.
Day 5
I had a hard time falling asleep last night. Felt some unpleasant feelings in my body/leg right before falling asleep. woke up at 6 and was beetween sleeping and awakeness for 2 hours before I got up.
I Also had a lot of dreams that I went to meet my ex, I don’t really recall them clearly but I feel it was about more like for us to reconcile and be friends but not getting back together and surprisingly I was really much okay with that in my dream.
Currently I feel the need to want to stay friends with him and and to keep him in my life, even if we’d never get romantically involved again.
That has never happened to me before with ex’es but before I decide anything I am going to let things settle and get some distance and see what happens.
But despite all that I had a really good day today, (no sobbing or crying at all!)
I noticed that it didn’t affect me negatively when I heard a very emotional song that was about a break up in the radio. (It used to affect me)
Went to coaching session after work and it was amazing.
I have started the journey to find my passion
I felt confident, stressed, sceptical and all the cycle just in that one hour vizualising my goal.
I decided that I am going to keep going with my studies and finish my master in the field that I currently know is not my passion. I am going abroad as an exchange student in beginning of 2015- very exciting
the reason I want to stay in that field, at least to try it out is I want to see if there will be any difference to work in that field because I don’t have any working experience there and I don’t want to throw it all away in the trash can before I have really tried on myself what it is like. Hopefully I’ll enjoy it even more in the “real” world even if the theoritical methodology is not so appealing to me anymore.
I also found out that I don’t want to keep all of my eggs in the same basket if the first one fails. Hence the plan now is that I am going to find my passion outside that field and I know I am really interested and want to study something in my free time related to EFT, positive psycology and self improvement and I want to focus on that. Already found some books that I started to read tonight
Hopefully one day I will know enough about it so I’ll be able to have my own trainings and teach people the stuff I have been practicing.
that is my long term goal!
Soo nice to find a goal that I really like and I want to focus on.
Lot of things happening now and I am so happy about it
