Rainbow'sNewJournal

[HMoody]

Journal--k-trains suggestion got me thinking about lm enhancing SM so I decided to go out to have some fun and give it a test whirl. My quick LM boost formula-20 minutes visualizing what I want-feel good about it-know LM will make it happen-let it go and forget about it-no matter what happens stay carefree I set my intention in the general sexual direction and went out to this hotel rooftop party-..long story short
I went home with two quite attractive girls...we picked up some beer and ended up drinking in my studio...it seemed like an inevitable threesome but what ended up happening was they each made moves on me whenever the other went to into another room...and they were clearly best friends who got along like a house on fire...it was really funny actually..anyway one of them was gradually winning me over and the other basically starting manufacturing drama...started thinking she might be pregnant from the guy she used to date or something...me and the other girl were just ripping on her about it but when she wouldn't shut up about it I kicked her out and said she could only come back if she bought a pregnancy test. When she left I had sex with the other girl. She came back a half hour later (I sent her to an inconveniently far pharmacy lol). When she came back we all cheered while she took the test and it was of course negative, since while she might have believed it herself it was obviously manufactured drama...The funniest part is after she found out she was not pregnant and the other girl, who I already had been with at this point, went to the bathroom, this girl straddles and starts grinding me and says it made her really horny to find out she's not pregnant. She was really hot as well and wearing a skirt so it took quite a lot of self control but I was not going to try to start something with her after I had been with the other girl. I kind of liked the idea of having been with both of them and each one thinking I was only with them but somehow it just seemed unethical, only if it was both at once. I was trying to find a good way to move it towards a menage a trois but they were definitely to close as friends..it could have gotten weird. Ridiculous but gotta love it lol.Anyway the whole thing was really fun and it was nice to get a shot of the wild side back. especially since this time I could have cared less about the whole thing so I felt really free to just enjoy it for what it was.


@K-Train That's is a great question to ask..and a really good way of looking at it. I think Alpha would certainly address what I need more but honestly the times of dipped into WM it made me more productive in all areas of my life-as much if not more so than Alpha, and I only grazed stage 1 and the new WM has EIP and gratitude hardwired into it. I'm gonna do some contemplating and journal about it later.
I think we might share some similarities with our family situation..although I think I'm older than you if your still in school..I'm 24...My family ties don't represent safety---I feel safer in free fall ...they represent a sense of familiarity that has kept me from feeling alienated in the past and now my ability to stay in the city and life I know-as I make more than enough to thrive living in a room I built from my dad's old studio-which my mom owns-but not enough to pay rent in any half decent place to live in NYC. With LM my income has been increasing quite fast so maybe soon I can find an equally dope place to live... I love my family and used to think there nuts and I was the only sane one, at least the only one who developed into someone sane,-now I see the depth of depravity quite ripe for personal and spiritual development lol. I like to see my life from both a helmsman and passenger perspective at times, I'm here to flourish in/ expand, and enjoy life as much as possible, and carry out whatever unique gifts I can contribute and co-create with the world and others, and achieve all my authentic desires, without the bs of should's and should not's, excluding harming others of course....to fully being living this way I see more and more that there are real lessons to be learned, embodied, and lived, new paradigms and energy to move into by working through whatever resonances I still have that keep me tied with the 'negative relationships' in my life. That may sound a little woo woo but I assure you the shifts and effects in my subjective experience and ability to achieve purpose, that come from reclaiming my power from this stuck spots is quite concrete. Also my changes have consistently seemed to change everyone else in the family for the better, its like there is some sort of connected effect that amplifies for the better the more differentiated I become. Sure they fall into their own re-activity and conditioning but the less I do, the more prone they are to snapping out of it,, in relationship to me AND surprisingly in their own business as well apparently. It seems there really is something to being the change you want to see in the world, even if it starts as small as not fighting with siblings lol.

Wow! Awesome Story Rainbow! Your posts are definitely inspiring and I can't wait till I have that level of success!