Perceptions of understanding

[SuperCoolDude]

If you are running Alpha and you're getting upset, its because you're not there yet. Getting upset is a result of a conflict between what you are and what the program is trying to get you to achieve. The upset is a good motivator to make a change. But if you resist the change hard enough, sure, you can stay put and the result will be a lot of upset, without much gain.

So I would say you realistically have two options to consider if you want that to change. First, you can consider running a sub that will help overcome the resistance itself, such as EPRHA or LTU, and second, you can run AM6, which is miles ahead of AM5 for power and what it can do. I think in your case, EHPRA or LTU would be a better choice for a while, and then you can assess your situation and decide what you would like to do.

I understand more fully this post from Shannon at this beginning of this journal.

''The upset is a good motivator to make a change''

This is what I feel I am lacking, that which came when I was doing the refresher. I understand it all sooo much better now.

I know it sounds crazy and it contradicts what I said I wanted in my first post, but I now actually want the feeling the Refresher gave me.

I now understand that I should embrace my EGO, because that will allow me to get to where I want to go. As I have been doing the opposite, and everything I thought represented my EGO, I did not want anything to do with it, so I refused to be apart of all that.

I feel there is a paradox here, somewhere.