PTSD Recovery Aid 6G - Frosted

[Shannon]

Formgiveness is also being unwilling to be limited or held back by what was forgiven, or degraded by it. It is being unwilling to spend more time on that thing, knowing that you only have the time you have left in this life. It's refusing to waste more precious time on what was forgiven.

[Frosted]

Formgiveness is also being unwilling to be limited or held back by what was forgiven, or degraded by it.  It is being unwilling to spend more time on that thing, knowing that you only have the time you have left in this life.  It's refusing to waste more precious time on what was forgiven.

Exactly! And the best part is that it's an elegant solution. There are no seams to it. It aligns in every way, as far as I'm aware.

[Frosted]

Damn I feel good today. And earlier I woke up feeling like shit, my head pounding with a headache and just in general aching and stuff. I end up taking some ibuprofen and then go for a drive and suddenly I'm feeling great. I think the headache is related to trauma I'm working through. But after a certain point, suddenly I kinda just felt good in my body. This stuff is sneaking up on me. I can't wait to see what I'll be like a year or two from now.

[Frosted]

Had a nice interaction with a cute girl. She subtly asked me a question about my girlfriend and I told her I don't have one. She wouldn't believe me that I didn't have one lol. I've noticed from time to time my energy is really good socially. It's like when the right conditions come along the good qualities I've been building start shining. I want to get to the point where it's not situational though. The healing I've been doing has been a really good source of change for me though. I hope that this continues so I can be an example that healing is worth it, even for the guys that only care about external results.

Edit: For reference, the vibe is light, carefree, and joyful. It's like I'm happy to be there, happy to be interacting with them, but I'm not trying to get something and I'm okay on my own. This sense of okay-ness. Something I've noticed growing from the years of healing subs is this sense of fulfillment and joy for no reason. It's like I can draw from it, but sometimes better than others cause of the shit in the way I'm still working through.

The problem is that the good vibes get buried if I don't have social approval. I'm not yet able to feel fully socially comfortable with other people disapproving me. I think it's social trauma I'm still working through.

[Frosted]

Hey... me again. I just kinda wanted to post to share. I'm feeling good feelings I don't know how to describe. Like the way these healing programs are making me feeling, feels like a different reality if that makes sense. Like I don't want to make it sound like something crazier than what I'm describing, but in it's own way it IS crazy, and that's part of the reason I'm talking about it. Like I'm not having waves of orgasmic ecstasy like I'm on some hardcore drug or something (although it kinda does feel like a low dose of drugs, ngl), but I'm just feeling good for no reason. Like not just far away fleeting emotions like I'm viewing them through this dense fog I used to not even realize was there, but instead experiencing joy and comfort as tangible full body sensations that have depth and texture as my natural emotional ecosystem. I still have my insecurities and stuff I'm working through (it's a process). I say that cause I don't want you to think I think I'm this big pimp, when really I'm just trying to share from one peer to another.

Like it's the feeling of being in a hot-tub while listening to your favorite music while going on a night drive and just feeling like everything's alright and you don't want anything in this moment you are just complete, the moment is complete and you are enjoying it for what it is and not thinking about getting anything now or in the future. Like if I'm talking to past me, he probably wouldn't even get what I'm saying because he wouldn't even have the frame of reference to understand what I'm talking about. Feeling good in that state is not the same.

I see the trajectory I'm on, and part of me is still skeptical, another part is kinda blind to it, but a big part of me that is conscious and has been through all these years of using subliminals here at IML, seen all the different generations and been consistent through it all. And I can tell, I'm getting closer and closer to something. I'm not sure if I'm ready, to an extent. To actually be the kind of person I'm about to become.

Like after all this time, it may be finally happening. I feel like most (if not all) of us (or maybe just me, idk), are searching for something. But a lot of the time we might not even realize it. We look for it in a girlfriend/boyfriend, or the perfect job, or a hobby, or the next possession, etc, etc. I think I may be about to achieve that soon... for real. I could look like a total idiot if that point doesn't arrive in the next 2-3 years. Right now that's the latest I think that click will happen, but who knows I could be way off and never achieve it. Or it could be right around the corner. I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up a month or two from now completely psychologically whole. But what I do know... is that the next decade is going to be fucking tight!

And AM7s coming boys! Can't fucking wait for one of the most anticipated programs to be built in 6G! Are you ready for what comes next? Because this shit is gonna be fucking sick! Be proud boys, we are all witnessing history here, and if you're reading this now, then you're here early. Use these programs to their fullest potential and become a giga-chad, and most importantly, make sure to enjoy the process!

[GreekGod22]

Glad for you. Being on the path of emotional healing, inner development, through various means, has made me realize how much time we lost, we suffered not being our highest self, and not being able to express ourselves fully, due to our fears, traumas, bullying.etc
It kinda makes me feel sad how much work we had to do just to get to ground zero, to get rid of our "chains"/ and fears. And we haven't reached ground zero yet.
While for others, life came effortlessly. Emotional development and regulation came out effortlessly, having their first love in their teenage years, receiving the proper love and attention from their parents, and after the age of 20, from their romantic partners.
Being charismatic, witty, outgoing, socially savvy came out naturally to them. They thrived and lived a lot while we were stuck in our shells, overwhelmed by our fears, our anxiety.

Still, I am at peace with the years lost, and the growth I've had along the way.

[Have at ye]

I get the feeling you're describing, I'm getting it too on PTRA. It's like feeling comfortable in your own skin despite any imperfections.

[Shannon]

Glad for you. Being on the path of emotional healing, inner development, through various means, has made me realize how much time we lost, we suffered not being our highest self, and not being able to express ourselves fully, due to our fears, traumas, bullying.etc
It kinda makes me feel sad how much work we had to do just to get to ground zero, to get rid of our "chains"/ and fears. And we haven't reached ground zero yet.
While for others, life came effortlessly. Emotional development and regulation came out effortlessly, having their first love in their teenage years, receiving the proper love and attention from their parents, and after the age of 20, from their romantic partners.
Being charismatic, witty, outgoing, socially savvy came out naturally to them. They thrived and lived a lot while we were stuck in our shells, overwhelmed by our fears, our anxiety.

Still, I am at peace with the years lost, and the growth I've had along the way.

If they were years spent in growth, they were not lost.  You just had a different goal, and thus, path.

[NOMAD]

I understand what you're describing as well. I've been using PRA as a 'filler' sub until AM7 is released. I've only been using for 12 days, but it helped to dissipate the effects of a very stressful week nicely. And I don't feel as rushed to end social interactions. Normally, I feel like I've got better things to do than to chit chat and I generally don't like to be bothered with small talk about how someone's weekend went. I suspect that's the aura of love at work. It's one of the first things I noticed.

[Frosted]

@GreekGod22 I share the sentiment, to an extent. I don't really feel sad due to the missed time ever since I ran LTU6. I no longer regret anything, because everything happens as it does. That doesn't mean I don't wish things were different. This and that are different things ;P.

@Have at ye Are you feeling like this comfortable warmth mixed with joy?

@Shannon Agreed.

@NOMAD PTSDRA's end goal seems to be a positive resting state. Not just trauma free, but the opposite of whatever trauma is. Like if trauma had cancer, but the cancer was good for us or something lol.

[Have at ye]

Yeah, I physically experience it as a "light", calming, uplifting energy throughout my body.

[Frosted]

I feel like a patient from the hospital making good healing progress. I’m caught between joy/ self esteem and fear/shame. I feel like I just wanna vibe and feel good, but it’s like I can’t be too free or expansive or else I’ll trigger the wounds/chains. I hate this. I feel like a caged animal. Now that I’m getting a taste of the good stuff, I want out.

I’m impatient cause I have to sit back and wait for the healing progress while my external life is going to waste. I have tentative plans in that direction, but we’ll see how it plays out.

I’m getting the itch to go out and socialize but live in a small town with not enough money (yet). I kinda just want to get out, build my social skills/social circle and kinda just have the most fun possible. I want to explore, learn, grow and enjoy it all.

[Frosted]

Today was a fucking awesome day. Woke up feeling different. Even though I only got about 5-6 hours of sleep, I felt great. Not in a manic sort of way with a crash later in the day, but instead a sort of underlying warmth. I went on a drive and ate some good food and now that I'm in a good mood I can clearly feel that PTSDRA magic. I feel like I'm phasing into another reality. I hate it because I can't really describe the exact nuance of my experience. I don't even have a framework to describe what I'm trying to talk about. It's just this vibe that I'm entering into that's just fucking awesome and makes me so grateful of everything that has led up to this transformation I'm blooming into.

edit: I thought about it and I realized part of why I'm so excited is because I'm drawing less from the environment for my sense of safety and enjoyment, and just feeling good in my own body, and somehow just enjoying my overall experience more anyways.

[Frosted]

I've just been getting excited these past couple days. It seems like the external restrictions are starting to loosen at the same time that the internal ones are. It's an interesting parallel. And they kinda really did seem to "just happen". I'm going to get a nice gas efficient car very soon and then I will be able to leave my small town and go wherever I want. After that I just save money and do what I want when I want. If I want to spend my time getting better socially and exploring the cool stuff outside of the small bubble I've been living in for decades, I can now. It feels like I'm entering a different era to my life. It feels like there's a sense of purpose and excitement, sort of the opposite of the underlying existential meaninglessness that is sort of like "what's the point". It feels like the sun is setting on that era of my life and the new, implicit purpose filled one is coming online.

I feel like I've reached a certain critical mass in a few key areas. I did a lot of intellectual floating around, learning a bunch from other fields and then slowly building my understanding of the world from every different field. Taking the pieces from every field to enhance every other field. The more I understand, the more I understand. And now I'm at the point where I feel like I know enough to put my mind to all sorts of things. If I don't know how, I know how to figure it out. I know how to solve the problems that previously would have made me walk away.

I've done things right all this time. I've focused on the basics. I've done the "right" thing over and over and just waited and waited. I tried to go after the shiny things my ego wanted, that I thought would complete me. It blew up in my face over and over and reality showed me that I had to dig deeper. It showed me that wasn't even what I really wanted. And even if it was, I couldn't have what I wanted without first taking the steps to do it properly, otherwise it would be like sand falling through my fingers, always desperately trying to grasp the "value", but never quite able to hold onto it.

There was part of me that said that I might be delusional, that I was just making excuses. That part of me may have had a point, and perhaps I could have taken some action at certain key points that would have changed my life even more. Who knows. But the point is that my patience has paid off. I'm finally arriving at the starting line. It's fucking glorious. I'm finally becoming a "player" in the Game instead of a spectator. And a real player, not someone playing somebody else's game. Somebody who is gaining clarity in who they are and where they want to go.

This post isn't about me now being some big pimp, it's about me finally getting released from the hospital with a warning from the doctor saying I can participate in the "Game", but to be careful because my injuries aren't fully healed yet. My story here is so far is about somebody with the psychological equivalent of terminal cancer going into remission. If it weren't for these programs, who knows where I would have ended up. I was so messed up that the momentum of my mental illness would have continued to make me worse regardless of what I tried. The fact that I escaped that mental hell is a miracle. And it doesn't even feel real to me. I kinda just feel like I've always been this way, and I only know of that state I used to be in. I no longer feel it as a past reality because it's not something that resides within me anymore. It's like that was somebody else's life.

So to tie this all together, I'm now somebody with a lot of wisdom and good values from all the bullshit I've overcome using these programs (they don't just help you overcome your issues, they use them as fertilizer to make you even better), so I've got a great head on my shoulders. I've also learned a lot from different areas and applied them to every other area, creating a generalized intelligence that makes it easy to learn other things, creating an upward spiral of intelligence that keeps growing. Also the programs have helped increased my discernment as well, which further feeds into my intelligence. Things click into place easier when your reality is less polluted by delusion and falsehood. So I'm becoming somebody with great values, who is discovering who he is and what he wants out of life.

When I think about my future I feel solid and grateful. I feel like it's a done deal, like I'll figure everything out, like I have everything I need to become the person I want to be. I just need to start walking and participate in life.


And random tangent. This is something floating in my mind for awhile I never got around to posting. I've felt like I've been paying off a massive debt. That's a great metaphor for all of this. Most of us are walking around with a massive psychological debt (or you could call it karmic debt, whatever you want to call it). Paying off that "debt" is what I've been doing for the past decade now.