PTSD Rec Aid + DRS v2 Extravaganza Vol. 2

[Have at ye]

Day 14/124

The two-week mark. Today took it easy with singing practice to avoid potentially mounting frustration. Experienced wonky sensations in my *left* leg for a change, akin to those from the right leg (seem to be linked to the Wonky Wound in the chest somehow). Hit a bit of a snag in the core trauma, but it passed after I got some sleep. Feeling pretty well right now, can't wait to get tomorrow started.

I also got a sudden impulse to start cleaning up my apartment/living space today whilst doing my lower abs EMS workout. I pretty much never get these. Could be indicative of something good! There's still lots of cleaning up and decluttering to do, though, so I'll pace myself.

I've been amusing myself by chatting up women through apps. Nothing IRL has come out of it yet, but it's fun. Some even recognize me/claim to recognize me.

[Have at ye]

Aaand I think we've got another PTRA-related brreakthrough on our hands. I usually assume so when: a) I start monologuing internally intensely about a particular topic, b) it's accompanied by particular Wonky Sensations™ and a sense of relief, c) I feel like doing a Victory Lap!

[Have at ye]

Day 15/124

Had a pretty eventful day even though I spent most of it at home, apart from going to singing practice.

Had wonky dreams, indicative of OGSF/FRM action.

Came to the conclusion that upon clearing, healing is an extremely energy-intensive exercise, especially when the damage is deep enough that it results in stuffies and thingies that are commonly regarded in the psychiatric community as symptoms of "schizophrenia", lewl. We're getting there, though.

Wonky sensations are still there, indicative of healing going on, as well as a funky pulling sensation going on in my right leg/foot, and sometimes even left leg/foot (I think it's OGSF/FRM as experienced on an energetic level).

[Have at ye]

Had some very interesting ideas after my loop of PTRA, accompanied by the "pulling" wonky sensations in new spots (interconnected, because complex trauma, oyyy). This was also accompanied by a nervousness/light anxiety which passed after I got some ZZZs in.

I was thinking about sex and sexuality, and it's connected to the wound around the perineum, which the FRM in DMSI 5.1 was working on last time I listened to it. It would be really nice to get laid without experiencing conscious/unconscious anxiety to go along with it, haha. Should be doable after this run, I think!

Also had some feelings indicative of attack, but these passed after I did my loops of DRS v2.

I also volunteerd to be a tutor for refugee kids, oy. I'm going to get something out of it, too - namely, a volunteer's medical coverage! Been planning to do something like that for some time now but did not feel up to snuff yet, now it's time I think.

[Have at ye]

I think what the program is doing now is removing trauma triggers whilst attempting to heal the underlying traumas. It's why having complex trauma is such a PITA - when everything and sundry is triggering you it's really exhausting to keep your cool, keep collected and remain under control of your emotions. It's why I have such great emotional control because I had to learn to live with this crap - but it'd be nice to be able to let go more and just be.

EDIT

This is also why I can't wait to try some other 6G subs after this one. Because they're not going to trigger shite so much anymore!

[Have at ye]

Day 16/124

I think I made tremendous progress yesterday, but there's still lot of work to be done.

At times instead of nappy time I feel like lying down with my eyes closed and just letting my thoughts go where they will in response to the program. 20-30 minutes of this and I feel reenergized (a PTRA power-nap).