PTSD Rec. Aid + DRS extravaganza

[Have at ye]

Nappy time brought about war-related dreams, and now I have that song, "Johnny, I hardly knew ya" going on in my head, oyyy. It's all good though, getting there.

[callie]

From what I’ve seen in somatic trauma work, spontaneous laughter often shows up as a discharge when the nervous system shifts out of a certain tension pattern. It’s not really fear or joy, but more like the body releasing pressure as deeper layers start to move. I had a lot of that in the beginning when I was using OFv1 back in the day

That would seem to fall under the fear response.

But if you can explain why it's not more deeply, I'm happy to listen.

In my experience, spontaneous laughter like that is usually just the nervous system unloading excess tension or stress. It doesn’t have to be anything "deep". When that internal pressure releases, it can spill out as laughter. It’s basically a discharge of accumulated tension, not necessarily a deep fear resolution process. Again, this is only my experience and what I’ve seen, not a fact or anything

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Same. I cannot afford it atm so after tonight and the next couple uses, i'ma just switch to another program for a bit and see how it goes. But if I could afford PTSD recovery aid I would use that for at least a cycle or two. That being  said, I can always buy it later. I'm curious to see how it works for others though and based off what I'm reading in this journal, it does sound interesting.

I hope you can swing it soon, it's extremely good and should be very good for you I think, friend.

Anyway, I'm getting the occasional "healing exhaustion" thing, as well as continued attacks which are making the healing process uncomfortable for me due to the necessity of clearing out all that nonsense over and over again (but ultimately they're only making this worse on themselves, oy.) but feeling better day after day. Had some really interesting dreams as well, and I woke up in a very good mood. Feeling up for some singing practice today even.

It's funny because the healing is apparently requiring so much energy I sometimes feel as if I were running something energy-intensive, like DMSI for instance (by which I mean - it's making me physically hungry  ).

I getcha. When I was using DMSI I was struggling to even get enough food to keep my weight up, let alone power up something like DMSI, so that's another reason I toppedusng it. If this program is that powerful, it must really be one hell of a healing program though!

[Have at ye]

I hope you can swing it soon, it's extremely good and should be very good for you I think, friend.

Anyway, I'm getting the occasional "healing exhaustion" thing, as well as continued attacks which are making the healing process uncomfortable for me due to the necessity of clearing out all that nonsense over and over again (but ultimately they're only making this worse on themselves, oy.) but feeling better day after day. Had some really interesting dreams as well, and I woke up in a very good mood. Feeling up for some singing practice today even.

It's funny because the healing is apparently requiring so much energy I sometimes feel as if I were running something energy-intensive, like DMSI for instance (by which I mean - it's making me physically hungry  ).

I getcha. When I was using DMSI I was struggling to even get enough food to keep my weight up, let alone power up something like DMSI, so that's another reason I toppedusng it. If this program is that powerful, it must really be one hell of a healing program though!

No worries, it's not quite that intense nor draining (most of the time). Naps work better than food to re-energize.

[Shannon]

That would seem to fall under the fear response.

But if you can explain why it's not more deeply, I'm happy to listen.

In my experience, spontaneous laughter like that is usually just the nervous system unloading excess tension or stress. It doesn’t have to be anything "deep". When that internal pressure releases, it can spill out as laughter. It’s basically a discharge of accumulated tension, not necessarily a deep fear resolution process. Again, this is only my experience and what I’ve seen, not a fact or anything

To be clear, I am not saying that I believe that the laughter is from healing resolution of a fear.  I believe, based on what I have seen from testers and research, that in the case of this program, it happens as a result of the program bringing the user to the point that they are actively working on the fear, and it is an expression of the fear itself.  Almost a way of saying, "Whoa, I'm about to my limit here."  The program is designed to balance you on the razor's edge between enough motivation to actively work on resolving the fear/trauma to make progress, while doing so slowly and gently enough that it does not result in more trauma or backtracking.  I believe it is more of a stress expression, or an indication of stress levels.  But I am not claiming to have absolute knowledge or understanding here.

[callie]

In my experience, spontaneous laughter like that is usually just the nervous system unloading excess tension or stress. It doesn’t have to be anything "deep". When that internal pressure releases, it can spill out as laughter. It’s basically a discharge of accumulated tension, not necessarily a deep fear resolution process. Again, this is only my experience and what I’ve seen, not a fact or anything

To be clear, I am not saying that I believe that the laughter is from healing resolution of a fear.  I believe, based on what I have seen from testers and research, that in the case of this program, it happens as a result of the program bringing the user to the point that they are actively working on the fear, and it is an expression of the fear itself.  Almost a way of saying, "Whoa, I'm about to my limit here."  The program is designed to balance you on the razor's edge between enough motivation to actively work on resolving the fear/trauma to make progress, while doing so slowly and gently enough that it does not result in more trauma or backtracking.  I believe it is more of a stress expression, or an indication of stress levels.  But I am not claiming to have absolute knowledge or understanding here.

I think this is where you and I differ in how we understand fear and trauma. I don’t look at it from a mental or psychological standpoint anymore, that model feels outdated to me. I look at it from a nervous-system perspective, where fear isn’t an emotion you consciously "work through" but a physiological state the body shifts into based on its capacity and sense of safety. From that view, spontaneous laughter isn’t the fear itself. It’s the nervous system releasing the excess tension that built up around the fear when activation gets close to the edge of what the system can handle. It’s a pressure release, not a deep resolution signal. I’m not saying your interpretation is wrong, just that the framework I use leads to a different conclusion. And that difference in frameworks probably explains why I read the reaction the way I do

@Have at ye Sorry for cluttering your journal, I will stop here. I am happy to see your progress

[Have at ye]

No biggie, it's nice to see some action in my journalings and musings!

Personally, I am not a fan of the framework you're proposing, I think it's way too reductive. I mean, sure, fear is a nervous system response, but there's lots of permutations and degrees and whatnot.

I'm coming around to the idea that this "laughing gas" effect I'm getting is a bit of a Heath Ledger-as-Joker thing. It's a bit of a "oh I'm about to lose it" thing. Amusingly enough, that's still indicative of progress.

[callie]

Yeah, frameworks differ. Just to be clear, in my response to Shannon I’m talking about trauma fear specifically, not cognitive fear. Trauma fear isn’t symbolic or psychological in the usual sense, it’s an autonomic survival state. At that level, interpretation takes a back seat to what the nervous system is actually capable of holding. So the framework I’m using isn’t reductive, it’s just keeping the focus on the physiology that drives trauma responses

[Shannon]

Yeah, frameworks differ. Just to be clear, in my response to Shannon I’m talking about trauma fear specifically, not cognitive fear. Trauma fear isn’t symbolic or psychological in the usual sense, it’s an autonomic survival state. At that level, interpretation takes a back seat to what the nervous system is actually capable of holding. So the framework I’m using isn’t reductive, it’s just keeping the focus on the physiology that drives trauma responses

After working with the people I have worked with, and doing the interviews and research and experiments I have done, my conclusion is that the framework you've chosen is actually not just severely faulty, but it is in fact going to cause you to accept as true things that will unnecessarily prevent you from being able to release, resolve and heal from your traumas.  

Assigning it to "the nervous system" seems to make it "out of your hands" because it's then a physical thing.

The model I use is that you experience whatever, and the various layers of you experience and react to it according to their own understanding of it, and some of them are based in levels or types of awareness that are more or less primal, instinctual, logical, emotional, aware, etc.  Their responses can and do affect and in some cases even influence and shape the nervous system as a result - even down to the wiring of the brain.  But through the correct psychological approach, even that can be un-done, released, rewired, healed.

This model I use is not something I learned in college or through researrch or a book.  It is based 100% on what best explains what I have seen through interviews, experiments and real life experiences in trying to help people.

Not saying you're wrong, or your framework is.  I reserve the right to be wrong, etc.  But I'm genuinely oncerned that some of your difficulty in finding a healing solution is in beliefs that prevent you from healing.

[Have at ye]

Interesting stuff!

Anyway, I'm proceeding with PRAing and it feels like the program is working on several things at once, from various stages of my life (quite possibly because they're somehow related to one another, in some way, maybe?)

Singing practice is going well, even though it's somewhat irregular (it works best if done daily/5-days-per-week, obviously). It could be some time before I decide to go forth and pursue auditions and jobs and whatnot, though I won't be refusing offers coming my way.

I'm getting some interesting communications from people who seem to be "worried" I may actually be getting better and are offering unsolicited "help"

[Shannon]

Interesting stuff!

Anyway, I'm proceeding with PRAing and it feels like the program is working on several things at once, from various stages of my life (quite possibly because they're somehow related to one another, in some way, maybe?)

Singing practice is going well, even though it's somewhat irregular (it works best if done daily/5-days-per-week, obviously). It could be some time before I decide to go forth and pursue auditions and jobs and whatnot, though I won't be refusing offers coming my way.

I'm getting some interesting communications from people who seem to be "worried" I may actually be getting better and are offering unsolicited "help"

Worried that you're getting better, eh?  How are they proposing to "help"?

[callie]

Yeah, frameworks differ. Just to be clear, in my response to Shannon I’m talking about trauma fear specifically, not cognitive fear. Trauma fear isn’t symbolic or psychological in the usual sense, it’s an autonomic survival state. At that level, interpretation takes a back seat to what the nervous system is actually capable of holding. So the framework I’m using isn’t reductive, it’s just keeping the focus on the physiology that drives trauma responses

After working with the people I have worked with, and doing the interviews and research and experiments I have done, my conclusion is that the framework you've chosen is actually not just severely faulty, but it is in fact going to cause you to accept as true things that will unnecessarily prevent you from being able to release, resolve and heal from your traumas.  

Assigning it to "the nervous system" seems to make it "out of your hands" because it's then a physical thing.

The model I use is that you experience whatever, and the various layers of you experience and react to it according to their own understanding of it, and some of them are based in levels or types of awareness that are more or less primal, instinctual, logical, emotional, aware, etc.  Their responses can and do affect and in some cases even influence and shape the nervous system as a result - even down to the wiring of the brain.  But through the correct psychological approach, even that can be un-done, released, rewired, healed.

This model I use is not something I learned in college or through researrch or a book.  It is based 100% on what best explains what I have seen through interviews, experiments and real life experiences in trying to help people.

Not saying you're wrong, or your framework is.  I reserve the right to be wrong, etc.  But I'm genuinely oncerned that some of your difficulty in finding a healing solution is in beliefs that prevent you from healing.

When my perspective is labeled "faulty", that only works as feedback if it’s based on an accurate understanding of what I’m actually saying. My communication isn’t perfect, I get that, but it does feel like parts of what I say are being filtered through assumptions that don’t match my actual meaning. To me, it also looks like a bit of projection is happening from you as well

I’m more than willing to give a clear rundown of what I’m actually trying to convey. None of what I’m saying is about making things "out of my hands" or adopting a victim stance, that’s a fundamental misunderstanding of my point. There is always agency in how we work with our internal world, but in the context of deep trauma, agency doesn’t mean overriding physiology. It means understanding the conditions under which the system can actually shift in the first place

Anyway, to not further clutter this journal and also for this discussion to be constructive, there also has to be openness on your end to the possibility that my framework isn’t coming from avoidance, but from direct lived experience, and a LOT of science to back up my claims. Right now, I don’t feel that openness from you

And just to be direct, I didn’t always hold this view. My perspective shifted only after going through DPDR and full autonomic collapse myself. That kind of shutdown reorganizes your understanding of trauma in a way no theory can. From the way you talk about these states, its clear you haven’t experienced that level of collapse firsthand, which isn’t a criticism, but it does explain why our perspectives diverge so much.

I do work on healing with other modalities, and I do make progress, its just a slow and layered process. Part of why I’m pushing for clarity here is because I’m genuinely trying to see whether your approach and my experience based framework can meet in a way that makes subliminals workable for me, that is all. But I a lot of what I say ends up being misunderstood, not specifically here, but most of my discussions with you

[callie]

Accidentally posted twice, deleted