PTPA || apt-get progress

[Raz]

I'm giving PTPA a shot and since there are no journals around I'll scribble down the things I notice.

The resistance on DMSI 3.2-A became too much for me. I sabotaged myself successfully. It'd be nice to see how life would look like if I internalized and acted upon dimsee, but I don't stress myself about it. It has never been too high on my agenda. And to be honest, this hypersexualization on all levels kind of disgusts me. But it also makes me realize how strong our biological wiring really is. Bla bla, whatever.

I chose PTPA because I think it is the closest thing to something LTU-and-EIP-like at the moment that is relatively up-to-date technologically. I am currently using the hybrid. This is day two.

Yesterday (making it day one all you math wizards) I suddenly became very happy during the second (of three) loops, with smiling and all, as well as this expanding feeling in my chest, like overflowing joy. Later, I had a night full of dreams, a lot to do with me not being in control (occupying the backseat's of cars, having no influence in regard to the course, etc.).

My overarching theme with these subs is still to spark a strong, ever-expanding lust for life. Maybe PTPA will be able to unlock yet another door towards that goal. Let's see.

[JackOfHearts]

apt-get autoremove DSMI || apt-get install PTPA

[Raz]

I just had a small insight: I need to be positively emotionally involved to get intellectually interested. Once this connection is established my intellect is becoming the driving force, although it needs constant positive emotional fuelling. Breakthroughs thus achieved act as additional positive feedback loops.

I think this is where PTPA comes into play, acting as a bridge between my emotions and my intellect.

[JackOfHearts]

The more you love something the more you spend time learning it and it feels less like a burden, as the intellect is hard stuff, loving it smooth the edges of the painful intellectual stuff.

[Raz]

My three loops for the day are done.

And I am permeated by a deep and very calm happiness. I am totally relaxed and smiling warmly at everyone.

[Raz]

Had pretty symbolic dreams last night.

It went something like this: lots of travelling going on. I am looking for a friend and hear he is in a semi-autonomous party temple in Kathmandu. I go there and meet myriads of friends and acquaintances (although Dream Kathmandu was totally different from this worlds Kathmandu, but hey, dreams). There is a lot of video playing going on and here and there I play Mortal Combat or some derivative of it.

While walking through the streets to go from A to B to C to A(I kind of had a map in my head) I meet more friends that just happen to be there. Then some of the normal people turn into quick and agile zombie-killer-assassins. Not all, just about a third. Some are my parents, which I kill with a machete, all the while grinning and remarking about how this machete cuts through them like a hot knive through butter. This goes on for a while.

Then suddenly I am floating above earth with two other people/entities and one of them says "the planet has been deflected from its orbit, we have to correct that" and then the other entity grabs earth and pushes it with extreme speed away and then twirls it. Entity One and I follow earth. It stops in a completely foreign part of space.

Then I am once again in zombie-infested party-enclave Kathmandu, run around and look at the sky. There are small grey glittering triangles high up surrounding the planet and they grow. In size, dimension, and complexity. First into tetrahedrons then into regular multi-polygons until they cover all of the sky. Something comes down on cables from the structures and encircles everything, it becomes dark all around. I run around again and somehow strike up a ceasefire with the normal zombies, convinced that outer space zombies will be coming soon.

I think I have seen the wall.

Anyway, there are many symbols on many different levels. It is like a short synopsis of using these subliminals in general, but also very specific for the past few days and weeks. A bit like a fractal.

There are some pieces of the dream that I left out because they are too blurry, but all in all I pretty much enjoyed it. I think it means that at some point I will have to go back to DMSI and its wall to explore this some more.

[Raz]

PTPA is having a nice impact.

I am calm and stress-free. I look at the things that need to be done with a clear mind, without blocking out the parts I don't want to see, without making excuses for why I didn't do them. In one word: acceptance.

This bleeds over into me looking at things like news without blending out dire consequences or realities. It is how it is, but I don't look away out of fear or anguish that it might set a bad or defeatist mood. No more "what's the point?" thinking.

Interesting incremental changes.

[Steve_]

I came for the apt-get

[Raz]

I came for the apt-get

Still loading a bunch of dependencies.

[Raz]

Last night I woke up and went straight into a thinking spree with all kinds of insights into my negative thinking and how thinking in general works. While welcome, I used SIA to get that thinking to stop and catch some sleep. Worked really well.

But I realized that PTPA is a more radical choice for me than I previously thought. While I have become a positive person on the surface (a lot of credit goes to BASE), deep down I am still negative about a lot of things. It is like Orwells doublethink, one level of thinking is always positive, while another level is constantly negative. Usually I just don't see the negative anymore, because my conscious thinking (imagine a flashlight) illuminates the positive stuff only, while the rest stays hidden in the dark.

External stimuli sometimes ring very true, and only then do I see the hidden negative side. It is like a resonance thing. Recently some lines out of a movie got me thinking about slow self-destruction. It is something a lot of us do. I certainly do it. And it is perfectly normal for me (although I don't destroy my self as effectively as I have done let's say 15 years ago; a little progress).

I am curious to see how deep I can probe with PTPA.

[Raz]

I am back on track after almost two weeks.

[LionKing]

I was reading Reality Transsurfing and it seems PTPA would pretty much lead you to that. Interesting how myself I can get huge shifts mentally by just refocusing on imagining good things, but then the negativity starts pulling me back. Very interested to hear about this sub.

[Raz]

I found it hard to go back on PTPA. I looked through my IML folders and there is seemingly nothing in there that stands out as the "That's it!" choice.

Oh, and I just remembered: writing here also seems in somehow in vain. It lost the effect it used to have for me. Especially since everything started to revolve around DMSI. I kind of miss the broad self improvement that the forum brimmed with some years ago. Everything is kind of dull.

[Raz]

I was reading Reality Transsurfing and it seems PTPA would pretty much lead you to that. Interesting how myself I can get huge shifts mentally by just refocusing on imagining good things, but then the negativity starts pulling me back. Very interested to hear about this sub.

I'll keep you posted about anything that stands out.

edit: You got me curious about reality transsurfing. I just ordered it.