Overcoming Guilt, Shame & Fear 5g

[AlphaScorpio]

Being perceived as gay is a problem i noticed on many subs it seems whenever a man is too comfortable he gets perceived as gay.

Im always experimenting with fashion and I was wearing pink and women's sunglasses at the time hahah.

well that explains it then!

To tell the truth I was actually called gay a couple of years ago when I was running AM5, I was at a bar and this drunk girl (who was previously attracted to me and deliberately asked me out even though I wasn't interested in her she's got serious fucking daddy issues) was like omg you gay or something simple because I was just calm and nonchalant/disinterested, sometimes like Dzemoo said women/people in general might think you're gay if you're chilled out or comfortable, my theory is that because there are so many guys running around like excitable puppies wanting women's approval that the guys the aren't doing that look like they are "gay"

just my 2 cents

[Bliss]

How's your run of OGSF going AlphaScorpio?

[AlphaScorpio]

How's your run of OGSF going AlphaScorpio?

I got some stuff that I simply HAVE to write in my journal, some interesting breakthroughs will be posting today/tomorrow

[Bliss]

How's your run of OGSF going AlphaScorpio?

I got some stuff that I simply HAVE to write in my journal, some interesting breakthroughs will be posting today/tomorrow

Awesome, I look forward to reading it

[Bliss]

Being perceived as gay is a problem i noticed on many subs it seems whenever a man is too comfortable he gets perceived as gay.

Im always experimenting with fashion and I was wearing pink and women's sunglasses at the time hahah.

well that explains it then!

To tell the truth I was actually called gay a couple of years ago when I was running AM5, I was at a bar and this drunk girl (who was previously attracted to me and deliberately asked me out even though I wasn't interested in her she's got serious ***** daddy issues) was like omg you gay or something simple because I was just calm and nonchalant/disinterested, sometimes like Dzemoo said women/people in general might think you're gay if you're chilled out or comfortable, my theory is that because there are so many guys running around like excitable puppies wanting women's approval that the guys the aren't doing that look like they are "gay"

just my 2 cents

Yeah I agree with you. If she's comparing me to her husband then there's a stark contrast.

[Bliss]

Day 15:

I'm having some weird feelings/thoughts regarding my changes. I think it's resistance. My heads having moments like 'this isn't you', 'this won't last, it's too good to be true'. I'm doing well to just not worry too much about those thoughts.

Something really great happened today and I wasn't expecting it at all. I faced a big fear of mine, and handled it really well. Like, it feels surreal that it went as well as it did. I'm not going to go into too much detail but I live with a true alpha male, I thought I'd known alphas until I met this guy. Every time I'd be around him (I mean every time) I would get really nervous and not be able to make eye contact, voice would stutter etc. I ended up dreading every possible encounter with him and tried to avoid him when I could.

Fast forward to today, so I'm out getting a coffee and I have this gut feeling that I need to go home, and as I knew he was home I felt like I needed to just deal with the fear. So I walk in the door and he's there, and we end up having a great conversation. Both of us were laughing, I was able to assert myself and explain certain things well, and for the most part hold good eye contact.

This is BIG for me.

[Shannon]

Congratulations on your progress. Feels awesome, doesn't it?

[Bliss]

Congratulations on your progress. Feels awesome, doesn't it?

Yeah it feels surreal! It also feels like I haven't even scratched the surface. It's crazy to think how much of my behaviour is changing after only 2 weeks. It shows just how much guilt, fear and shame were running the show...

[Shannon]

Indeed. And how much of what really is influencing us is something the conscious mind is not aware of.

[Bliss]

Day 16:

Ive become more aware of when Im resistant to doing something. Its funny all the things I find myself doing when I dont want to do something. Mainly hang out on these forums haha. But, Ive just let myself just go with the flow of it. Last night it took me a couple of hours but I still got online and applied for a job and today I had to make a phone call to my old workplace and I was a little resistant to it, but it only took me 15 minutes before I just got it out of the way.

Im definitely making progress in regards to getting stuff done. Its making less sense to avoid things.

Im also noticing how much I cared what people thought of me. So much of my behaviour has been centered on approval. I used to be ashamed/guilty/fearful (likely all 3) of alot of aspects of me, without me even realising;

My ability to just say what I feel, ask for what I want, no nonsense. Even just my desire to get out in the world and do things, make things happen, work hard, make money, invest in myself, take risks, meet new people etc. This is that masculine energy I was talking about in an earlier post. Im also feeling alot more creative.

As all this is shifting in me, Ive noticed people being more respectful towards me.

Shannon, I wanted to let you know that with all the changes so far, there has been this feeling that things no longer make sense for me and that Ive outgrown them. I understand that you redesigned the script towards that direction so I wanted to let you know its working.

[Shannon]

Yes, growth beyond what holds you back is a big part of the script. Good to see you getting the benefits.

[Bliss]

If you read some of my earlier posts you'll see that I have been having family difficulties regarding expressing myself and being heard etc. The last time I spoke to my mum, I hung up on her, and was furious with her. The last few days I have been thinking a lot about how to effectively communicate my feelings with understanding that my family may not be 'on my level' yet. I decided to call her today and had a real honest conversation, where I not only expressed myself authentically but could see things from her perspective. It felt like real maturity. I was able to apologise for hanging up on her whilst still remaining true to how I felt in the moment. This confident, authentic and masculine prescence is growing in me.

I love this program

[Benjamin]

Awesome stuff. This program will definately help me, i'm planning to do it after WM.

[Bliss]

Day 19:

Im feeling pretty vulnerable today. Angry, fearful, depressed, hopeless, much like Im back to square one.

Theres alot going on in my dreams. I cant seem to remember them in detail, all i remember is the strong emotional content. Almost always involving my family.

Id been feeling a bit crappy the last few days but today it feels as though the program has touched on something quite sensitive and my subconcious is saying a big NO to going there