Overcoming Fear 5.75g

[JCasterlin]

Started my first cycle last night. Incredibly excited to see how this plays out as I feel fear or anxiety and worry based fear as well as fear related trauma I have had kept me frozen at times or very often from thinking logically or rationally about a lot of things and most likely played a huge part in my putting off or avoiding things instead of just saying fuck it and tackling whatever it is I was stressing out over or giving up instead of doing what needs to be or should have been done or not. Along with not taking the time to think things through and make a mature decision I allowed the fear and anxiety to paralyze me mentally and emotionally and cost myself and my family a lot of unnecessary stress and headaches. So yeah today is day one.

[reki]

I have read a lot of positive comments regarding this sub so I believe you are on the right path. Fear is the enemy as they say.
Good luck and keep us updated.

[StridingStrider]

Fear is the mind-killer

[Mr_steevee]

It’s a great sub but it’s not an easy ride with some up and downs. Wishing you all the best!

[JCasterlin]

Thank you for the replies. Currently running the last loop of the day. I feel good but a bit anxious. I'm thinking that's probably OF beginning to do its work. I know the instructions say run OF for no less than eight months but because of how much I have allowed fear , worry, and anxiety to run rampant in my life I will probably do double that. I'm tired of being afraid or having an anxiety induced existential crisis.

[findingme]

It's good seeing you back @JCasterlin .

OF definitely moved me, and I pulled off way too soon. I am on LTU6 now, and the new FRM 4.9 (the same that is in OF) is definitely doing its work on me. Fear has kept me blind to issues right in front of my face. I noticed some relational things today.....and I wasn't afraid. I was just aware

[JCasterlin]

@findingme It feels good but weird to be here but that's fine. I feel similar in that I am constantly curious as to how fear has made me see so many things with such a warped perspective that I did nothing but sabotage myself when I could have easily benefited greatly from whatever it was had the fear based avoidance been the deciding factor.

I just got to thinking about how liberating it will be to not be worried about confrontation. That I will be ok with telling someone that they are a horrible person or that they listen to shitty music without being afraid of them getting pissed off or throwing some immature temper tantrum.

[JCasterlin]

I seriously debated removing part of one of my posts yesterday because of a life long fear of upsetting someone but I decided not to as I have to learn as I become fearless that upsetting at times will be a reality. I'm a bit tired and done with allowing my life and what I choose to do and when be dictated by the moods and emotions of others. That's not freedom or fearlessness. Fucking miles away to be exact. 
For me a big part of this journey is to learn to not be sensitive to the moods and emotions of others. That their shit is not a reflection of me or anything I have or have not done or said. I would think an aspect of becoming fearless is letting go of any and all guilt or shame. Not dwelling in regret , what could or should have been,  or what you may or may not have missed out on. That's no way to live. Not trying to be or act like someone or something you're not to please others and avoid conflict.

[findingme]

I really relate to that post. I do this dance in my head hours before writing usually, trying to make sure posts are clear and cohesive, and like you spoke of, not offending anyone. It keeps my mouth shut a lot since--again, all me here--I've tended to be very REactive to others in my imagination.

What I find beautiful is that my best posts come from my own thoughts and feelings, my own reality. I usually only get them every few days--when my focus isn't on everyone else's (imagined) response. My focus is still there as I write now. (Gulp)

It's fear. Nothing but trained fear responses. While just writing, I even imagined "fear of not having fear", which I've had and heard of before. Fear gets pretty creative to stay in control when it's ruled the roost so long. I had an unfamiliar peace a few times on OF, and I've imagined jumping on it even in recent days. I'll stick with LTU6 due to its aim.

[JCasterlin]

Exactly. Fear triggered ingrained responses. I have often joked that I would love to feel apathetic towards a lot of not everything but that's not true. I would much rather be fearless and nonchalant. Not be reactive and for fucks sake not think that someone being shitty or in a bad mood has anything to do with me. To stop overthinking things or ruminating to the point of almost if not worse case scenario. As hard as this is to say my biggest fear since I was in my mid twenties has been that I would end up homeless. That word alone conjures up a metric fuck ton of fear and anxiety.

[JCasterlin]

First cycle day 2 - Currently running most of my loops for the day. Tonight I plan to run them all while sleeping. I have been feeling off and on fear quite a bit today. Mainly related to the moods and expectations a couple of people I live with. Part of becoming fearless is learning to set strict boundaries and be able to say no without being afraid of any consequences or confrontation. Choosing that word " consequences " made me realize how much of my fear stems from childhood memories and trauma.
I still feel that a lot of people are incredibly miserable because they try to be something they aren't or do things they don't enjoy to be accepted or get attention. I know from experience. I have cut my hair or dressed differently to please a woman and it did nothing but make me mad at myself and resent her. I guess you could say I am over doing things for other people to please them and avoid conflict and I hate it..

[ncbeareatingman]

First cycle day 2 - Currently running most of my loops for the day. Tonight I plan to run them all while sleeping. I have been feeling off and on fear quite a bit today. Mainly related to the moods and expectations a couple of people I live with. Part of becoming fearless is learning to set strict boundaries and be able to say no without being afraid of any consequences or confrontation. Choosing that word " consequences " made me realize how much of my fear stems from childhood memories and trauma.
I still feel that a lot of people are incredibly miserable because they try to be something they aren't or do things they don't enjoy to be accepted or get attention. I know from experience. I have cut my hair or dressed differently to please a woman and it did nothing but make me mad at myself and resent her. I guess you could say I am over doing things for other people to please them and avoid conflict and I hate it..

 it's another step in getting awakened and getting even more conscious about your life than before in these areas ,Man.
 In other words you had to already be some what of a conscious soul to  get there and now that you are you realize theres even more  work to do and yet the groovy part (yes the groovy part!) is that you can DO IT and are doing so.
 total respect and goodness your way. it may not be an easy journey or always comfortable- I admire and respect your courage and willingness to do so,to continue,as such.
 Keep being that special unique,rare ,irreplaceable YOU Man.... and in time the right people for you will show up...matching your new vibration and energy out put.... in the meantime....keep chugging..... and moving forward.
 This work is incredible and for those of us who have chosen to  walk this path....it is a bold  one..... all the best in furthered success.
 Keith.

[JCasterlin]

First cycle day 2 - Currently running most of my loops for the day. Tonight I plan to run them all while sleeping. I have been feeling off and on fear quite a bit today. Mainly related to the moods and expectations a couple of people I live with. Part of becoming fearless is learning to set strict boundaries and be able to say no without being afraid of any consequences or confrontation. Choosing that word " consequences " made me realize how much of my fear stems from childhood memories and trauma.
I still feel that a lot of people are incredibly miserable because they try to be something they aren't or do things they don't enjoy to be accepted or get attention. I know from experience. I have cut my hair or dressed differently to please a woman and it did nothing but make me mad at myself and resent her. I guess you could say I am over doing things for other people to please them and avoid conflict and I hate it..

 it's another step in getting awakened and getting even more conscious about your life than before in these areas ,Man.
 In other words you had to already be some what of a conscious soul to  get there and now that you are you realize theres even more  work to do and yet the groovy part (yes the groovy part!) is that you can DO IT and are doing so.
 total respect and goodness your way. it may not be an easy journey or always comfortable- I admire and respect your courage and willingness to do so,to continue,as such.
 Keep being that special unique,rare ,irreplaceable YOU Man.... and in time the right people for you will show up...matching your new vibration and energy out put.... in the meantime....keep chugging..... and moving forward.
 This work is incredible and for those of us who have chosen to  walk this path....it is a bold  one..... all the best in furthered success.
 Keith.

Thank You @ncbeareatingman 

First Cycle Day 3 -    I haven't listened to my six loops yet today but I will get them in. May just start running them while I sleep.Will be way easier and will free up the rest of the day. Surprised myself a bit today first by doing something I was anxious about. Then I told someone to shut up who insists on trying to annoy the shit out of me. The result was hilarious. Part of working on becoming fearless is learning to let go and allow myself to have fun and not take myself or anything seriously. It's difficult at times when I live with two people who are some of the most rigid people I have ever met and yet they tell me I'm uptight. Gee I wonder why . I'm tired and exhausted with feeling like I have to hold back because someone doesn't have a sense of humor or doesn't know how to banter or take a joke without turning it into some toxic masculinity chest thumping pissing contest. Yeah I'm sarcastic as fuck. Get over it. The more fearless I become the more brutal it will get.

[JCasterlin]

First Cycle Day 3 Update - Currently running my loops for the day. I was thinking a bit ago about the more I listen and think about things that would usually trigger anxiety or fear I can feel the impact getting smaller. Even if it's a tiny bit I notice. Another thing I have always felt I had to do was seek reassurance or explain myself to people. What a waste of time and energy. I am an introvert and for most of my life forced myself to be extroverted although it made me ridiculously miserable. I now know that had I just kept to myself, did my own thing,  kept my mouth shut,  and just worked all the time I could have avoided a fuck ton of drama and headaches.