I am still enjoying noticing the difference in how v2 deals with past memories and such. I notice it when I turn it on and lay down generally. It's like it goes through the memories, and related memories and I let myself feel the emotions, and sometimes lets me imagine something different, though I may have just got that idea from another journal it seems to work. And aspects of the memories that I don't remember coming up with other things are coming up. It also seems to go through the memories in a more complete way as compared to past programs that seemed to just get to small aspects of it.
ALOT of it is past things around girls, mostly guilt and fear. It's harder for me to identify shame or understand it.
Today emotions come up particularly strong. Reading a book it asked "what is your addiction a representation for?" (that wasn't exactly the question but the best I remember the meaning). And I realized with games it's wanting adventure basically but fear stopping that. And I started to imagine some things I can do that I haven't for years and was feeling good about it.
Then I had strong overwhelming feelings around that, i'm guessing mainly fear, but also feeling lost and eventually it lead me back to porn. It's like "no those things aren't safe, so lets drain you and make you feel shit with this addiction that will keep you stuck in the fear and not feel like going on this adventure".
I was really annoyed at myself after that, but then like every other time though after the first time I say I won't do anymore, 2 more times tonight.
I only lasted like a bit over a week this time, could that be attributed to v2 bringing up deeper stuff so I got to that point sooner? That's what i'm thinking. Also I was impressed how on the weekend I talked to a few girls and I didn't dwell on the ones that didn't respond well like I usually do, plus it didn't send me into a spin of frustration and turning to porn.
But 3 days later I was lead to that, some of the frustration was around girls but it wasn't all about that this time. During the porn binge an old and familiar frustration come up that i'll never be able to really fulfill my desires. It's a strugge to be with any girl, let alone who I really want to be with, that is also part of this "I may aswell just give up and give into these addictions cos i'll never be able to have what I want".
I'm upto my 6 nights off, first night tonight. After looking at porn the first time I really strongly wanted to listen, this would happen regularly on UH and OGSF v1 and straight after i'd desire more input. I nearly went with it but remembered the guidance to do atleast 1 cycle as instructed. I also really want to listen tonight feeling like I need the input when things are coming up so much, but i'll stick to the instructions for this cycle atleast.
ALOT of it is past things around girls, mostly guilt and fear. It's harder for me to identify shame or understand it.
Today emotions come up particularly strong. Reading a book it asked "what is your addiction a representation for?" (that wasn't exactly the question but the best I remember the meaning). And I realized with games it's wanting adventure basically but fear stopping that. And I started to imagine some things I can do that I haven't for years and was feeling good about it.
Then I had strong overwhelming feelings around that, i'm guessing mainly fear, but also feeling lost and eventually it lead me back to porn. It's like "no those things aren't safe, so lets drain you and make you feel shit with this addiction that will keep you stuck in the fear and not feel like going on this adventure".
I was really annoyed at myself after that, but then like every other time though after the first time I say I won't do anymore, 2 more times tonight.
I only lasted like a bit over a week this time, could that be attributed to v2 bringing up deeper stuff so I got to that point sooner? That's what i'm thinking. Also I was impressed how on the weekend I talked to a few girls and I didn't dwell on the ones that didn't respond well like I usually do, plus it didn't send me into a spin of frustration and turning to porn.
But 3 days later I was lead to that, some of the frustration was around girls but it wasn't all about that this time. During the porn binge an old and familiar frustration come up that i'll never be able to really fulfill my desires. It's a strugge to be with any girl, let alone who I really want to be with, that is also part of this "I may aswell just give up and give into these addictions cos i'll never be able to have what I want".
I'm upto my 6 nights off, first night tonight. After looking at porn the first time I really strongly wanted to listen, this would happen regularly on UH and OGSF v1 and straight after i'd desire more input. I nearly went with it but remembered the guidance to do atleast 1 cycle as instructed. I also really want to listen tonight feeling like I need the input when things are coming up so much, but i'll stick to the instructions for this cycle atleast.