OFv3 - Only I will Remain...Reloaded

[NOMAD]

Day 3

Ultrasonic - 13/15 Galaxy S8

So far,  so good. I was really tired after the first night of listening, but that was most likely the residual of OFv2 (even though I had taken a 3 day break). I don't feel any underlying irritation and anxiety like I did with OFv2, so that's a hell of a plus. Hopefully this smoothness continues as it digs deeper.

Edit: corrected day

[NOMAD]

Day 4

I woke up this morning with the desire to just stay here and lie comfortably in bed. The feeling wan't based in exhaustion or fatigue. It was comfort. It was reminiscent of being in my early 20s. I was single, highly anxious, and had a tendency to drown my anxiety in alcohol. During this time in my life, I spent a lot of time in bed nursing my emotional (and alcohol-induced) wounds. This morning was similar, minus the high anxiety and hangover. I lied here, allowing myself to just be. It felt very balanced and for lack of better description, nice. It's a similar 'feel' to what I experienced while running the original Universal Detox sub (I loved that sub).

I'm doing my best not to place any hopes and expectations on OFv3. So far, it's a night and day difference from my experience with OFv2. It feels broader, like it has reached so far out that it has closed off escape routes that my subconscious isn't even aware of yet. The mental image I have is of standing in the middle of a broad stretch of land in, say, Montana. I can see the mountains off in the distance. What I cannot see is the wooden fence that surrounds the place. There's a lot of territory to explore before I get to that fence. By comparison, OFv2 had me feeling like a caged animal.

[NOMAD]

Day 5

I slept for 14 hours last night. Clearly, I've been in serious need of rest. My daughter couldn't believe how early I was going to bed considering how it's the weekend and all.

It's still early today, but I'm feeling pretty relaxed.

[NOMAD]

Day 7

I had at least one dream with an overcoming fear theme. I woke up having a mild anxiety attack,  and haven't been to sleep since. But, like Shannon noted in one of his journal posts, I'm not exhausted. I'm not a bucket of sunshine, but I am able to focus, think clearly, I'm not moody, etc. That's odd for me after a night of inadequate rest.

It's much easier to fall asleep with OFv3. That was always a struggle with OFv2, no matter how tired I was.

[NOMAD]

Day 7 (cont'd)

To weigh in the alpha phenomenon, my wife mentioned me "glaring" at the guy trying to sell me extra shit on top of an already large purchase this weekend. I didn't like the guy, but I listened to what he said when I felt like his information was valuable then I shut him down when I'd had enough. But, I wasn't glaring at him, at least not intentionally. She commented about how he kept repeating himself and over explaining (nervous behavior?). She got that part right.

I would describe the way I felt on LTU6 as grounded. This isn't the same,  but it's very similar. This feels more fluid and I mean that in a positive way. With LTU6, I felt solid and unmovable. With OFv3, I feel like I have the option to be solid and unmovable or I can choose to 'dance'. My choice of words probably comes across as odd, but I don't know how else to describe it. I suppose it boils down to fear removal allowing me to 'be' however I choose without fear of judgment.

[NOMAD]

Day 8

Last night, I feel into a deep sleep. It was the kind of sleep where my eyes closed, then I woke up to my alarm.

I don't really have much else to report other than that I'm feeling pretty good emotionally. I still feel like I need to catch up on sleep, but it looks like OFv3 is addressing my sleep issues. So I'm optimistic on that front.

[NOMAD]

Day 8 (cont'd)

I had my first episode of obvious internal struggle today. First, an event at work triggered intense anger in me. I was so angry that I could feel my pulse in my entire face. Later, I began to ruminate and fears began to surface. Shortly after the fears surfaced, I had an intense craving for more loops. This craving was beyond anything I've experienced with subs before. It was on par with craving alcohol after a really stressful week. That craving had subsided until I began typing about it. Now I'm wanting more input again.

[Shannon]

After 14 days, definitely follow those cravings. How many loops did you want to listen to?

[Raykon]

Id like to note that the other day I started my second round of loops 1 day early, so instead of 3 days off I had 2 days off, I know I didnèt follow the insrtuctions but I was going salsa dancing later that evening and I felt like it would help me feel more relaxed and comfortable. I ended up going salsa dancing but the people I was dancing with were much better then I encountered in Colombia and I felt out of place while dancing, However I did dance with a few people & me and my friend had fun. We socialized with some people we met. 

I should also note that instead of buying a six pack of Palm Bay and drinking that before the event, I only drank 1 beer that my friend had left at my home. I think the program helped me stay sober instead of going and buying more liquor to try and feel more sociable/relaxed like a crutch. 

I am sticking to the instructions now again, I do my next loop on Thursday. I want to do more loops, but I don't feel as though its my subconsious telling me more is better. I think its just my mind being used to "more is better' mentality.

After 14 days, definitely follow those cravings.  How many loops did you want to listen to?

[NOMAD]

After 14 days, definitely follow those cravings.  How many loops did you want to listen to?

My first thought was that I'd try one extra day of one loop to see how it feels by easing into more exposure. But, the idea of running two loops is the most appealing option to me right now.

[NOMAD]

I am sticking to the instructions now again, I do my next loop on Thursday. I want to do more loops, but I don't feel as though its my subconsious telling me more is better. I think its just my mind being used to "more is better' mentality.

If you're subconscious responds like mine, there will be no doubt what's happening. It's a genuine, deep craving. The last time I craved input was with LTU6, but it was nowhere near as intense.

[Raykon]

sometimes I feel like because I'm a "veteran" subliminal user, using it daily for 7 years with only a few days breaks in between. That I can handle more loops than reccomended becaues my brain is probably more accustomed to it and better at processing it.

Not sure if there is any truth to this.

I am sticking to the instructions now again, I do my next loop on Thursday. I want to do more loops, but I don't feel as though its my subconsious telling me more is better. I think its just my mind being used to "more is better' mentality.

If you're subconscious responds like mine, there will be no doubt what's happening. It's a genuine, deep craving. The last time I craved input was with LTU6, but it was nowhere near as intense.

[Shannon]

Day 8 (cont'd)

I had my first episode of obvious internal struggle today. First, an event at work triggered intense anger in me. I was so angry that I could feel my pulse in my entire face. Later, I began to ruminate and fears began to surface. Shortly after the fears surfaced, I had an intense craving for more loops. This craving was beyond anything I've experienced with subs before. It was on par with craving alcohol after a really stressful week. That craving had subsided until I began typing about it. Now I'm wanting more input again.

After thinking about this, I think you should be doing the number of loops that you have the urge to do, for the number of days on and the number of days off that you feel the urge to do.  But only you.

[NOMAD]

Day 8 (cont'd)

I had my first episode of obvious internal struggle today. First, an event at work triggered intense anger in me. I was so angry that I could feel my pulse in my entire face. Later, I began to ruminate and fears began to surface. Shortly after the fears surfaced, I had an intense craving for more loops. This craving was beyond anything I've experienced with subs before. It was on par with craving alcohol after a really stressful week. That craving had subsided until I began typing about it. Now I'm wanting more input again.

After thinking about this, I think you should be doing the number of loops that you have the urge to do, for the number of days on and the number of days off that you feel the urge to do.  But only you.

10-4. I woke up this morning wishing I hadn't taken last night's break. I felt like I was on the verge of busting through something and that all I needed was a little push. Today, I feel like I've lost momentum. I've also been pretty damned pissy.

The intense craving is gone, so I'll probably continue through the prescribed off days and reassess when I start my on days again...One variable at a time.

I really do wish I had gone with my gut on this last night.