OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM

[Chris P. Bacon]

Towards the end of the day my internal state shifted a bit towards a less that fearless state and kind of a weird place of pre OF levels of submissiveness. The good this was that I found it odd which indicates change. However, I wasn't able to re align myself into the OF levels of confidence and dominance. Before that for the rest of the day it was pretty good. Felt rather tired for half the day so maybe it knocked me into that state.

I'm a work in progress though so I'm not worried.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Also, yesterday it kinda felt like I had DMSI TID. I don't know if Shannon is working aggressively on DMSI and I'm not sure how far TID can affect the user before they use it but I have no plans to run anything else until December. If that's the case then TID is getting crazy. Might have just been having less fear but women were giving me lots of looks and many people had their head looking my way when cars passed in the opposite direction.

Either way, it's an interesting reaction.

[CatMan]

Also, yesterday it kinda felt like I had DMSI TID. I don't know if Shannon is working aggressively on DMSI and I'm not sure how far TID can affect the user before they use it but I have no plans to run anything else until December. If that's the case then TID is getting crazy. Might have just been having less fear but women were giving me lots of looks and many people had their head looking my way when cars passed in the opposite direction.

Either way, it's an interesting reaction.

Haha, interesting! That makes two of us then.

I had a daydream of DMSI working with me yesterday, it was awesome. Maybe it's coming finally .

EDIT: PSA. Concentrate when editing a mistake. Or you delete a big post accidentally like me, lol.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Also, yesterday it kinda felt like I had DMSI TID. I don't know if Shannon is working aggressively on DMSI and I'm not sure how far TID can affect the user before they use it but I have no plans to run anything else until December. If that's the case then TID is getting crazy. Might have just been having less fear but women were giving me lots of looks and many people had their head looking my way when cars passed in the opposite direction.

Either way, it's an interesting reaction.

Haha, interesting! That makes two of us then.

I had a daydream of DMSI working with me yesterday, it was awesome. Maybe it's coming finally .

EDIT: PSA. Concentrate when editing a mistake. Or you delete a big post accidentally like me, lol.

Funny, I saw your original post and went to go back and reread it, only to find it became shorter!!!

Also, are you going to journal again?

[Chris P. Bacon]

Huh, I genuinely like myself. When did that happen?   

But seriously, some stuff must have cleared last night that was being worked on before the off days. I value myself very highly and I think that has been building over the course of the program.

The more I listen to OF the more sense Jordan Peterson makes as well.

[NOMAD]

Also, yesterday it kinda felt like I had DMSI TID. I don't know if Shannon is working aggressively on DMSI and I'm not sure how far TID can affect the user before they use it but I have no plans to run anything else until December. If that's the case then TID is getting crazy. Might have just been having less fear but women were giving me lots of looks and many people had their head looking my way when cars passed in the opposite direction.

Either way, it's an interesting reaction.

I think it's a side effect of overcoming fear. I'm experiencing this also. My words and actions seem to be more impactful too.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Upped the number of loops to 4 as 3 felt kind of like I was in a rut.

4 loops still feels the same way. With subs prior, I generally hit a point of stagnation or a period that doesn't feel like the sub is doing anymore. Might be subconscious boredom, not sure. It's challenging because OF is doing some real good in my life but all of the sudden it just feels like all progress is halted.

The plan is still to run it to December.

[Kol]

Give it time. Ive had moments like that only to break through later. OF has shielding aswell. Let it do its thing.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Give it time. Ive had moments like that only to break through later. OF has shielding aswell. Let it do its thing.

Definitely. Thanks for the reminder.

[Chris P. Bacon]

For almost a week OF didn't appear to be doing anything. No external indications of internal changes. Then yesterday it appears that OF accomplished whatever it set out to do. 

I'm more honest and feel like some energy drains have been removed from my life. More energy at the end of the day. More confidence as well. Self-confidence, confidence about the future, and a strange confidence in my ability to weather the storms of life. That last one wasn't there before.

It's like the clouds of my life began to break. Funny, you stop realizing they're there until they're gone. However, I'm sure OF will resume putting me through the wringer soon enough 

[Chris P. Bacon]

I have upped the volume a bit the last 2 days and wow what a difference. I've never had a sub make that much of a difference based on volume.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Forgot to mention that the feeling of having a "stuffy nose" in my heart is all but gone. Don't remember when that happened.

[Chris P. Bacon]

I feel like I am becoming more whole.

Every cycle of difficulty on OF3 is followed by a state of peace and feelings of solidity. I also think OF 3 is the sub that has made the most headway for the longest period of time of any sub I've run. It has not become stale or boring as each layer produces more and room for me to explore myself again and reintegrate parts of me that have been parceled off by fear over the course of my life.

The journey of recovering myself has been a fun one.

[Chris P. Bacon]

OF just keeps on going.

A few days ago I heard the phrase "It's going to be ok" and it triggered a sense of peace that I have not felt in a while. Like for a decade. I feel like it hit the part of me that was kept in a perpetual state of stress and has overcome or is overcoming it. The event that keeps that in place was a near mental breakdown due to work as I put myself between a rock and a hard place and tried not to move. My stubbornness really backfired that day. Life felt different after that day and has continued since. But I'm pretty sure OF is clearing it or has cleared it.

I'm not sure I'll have all my fear removed in the minimum 6 months that is suggested to run OF. I'm stubborn and I'm pretty convinced that my healthy stubbornness has been hijacked by fear and is now subconscious. When that happened is unknown to me but it probably happened at a young age. The older I get the more I realize that my parent's underlying fear and hopelessness created an implicit sense that life is not safe which is true in a sense but the counterpoint is that the universe is much like a womb where everything we need is provided. It can be easy to say that but for me, I have trouble tapping believing that subconsciously. I know enough for mental ascent but I think my subconscious is still too afraid to believe that. I am starting to see some breakthroughs in that area and some things that I needed to put my life together have fallen into place recently but I am not as trusting as I could be and there is still some work in that area. I would very much like my conscious and subconscious to be on the same page. I feel that it would be frighteningly powerful if they were. Not sure if I'll run it longer than 6 months as I really want to start UMS as that for me would be the next big step I would have to take in putting my life together.

Possible TID from DMSI as well. Not sure if I'll run it but either OF is really amping up or it;s TID from DMSI.

I'm glad OF is more stubborn that me in a sense

The Journey continues.