+- Subliminal Talk (https://subliminal-talk.com)
+-- Forum: Men's Journals (18+ NSFW) (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals-18-NSFW)
+--- Forum: Men's Journals (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals)
+--- Thread: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM (/Thread-OF3-AKA-Herrenknecht-Martina-TBM)
OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - Chris P. Bacon - 07-12-2021
I should have started a journal a long time ago with OF3. I have had many experiences that I may not remember fully at this point but I'll share the things I recall.
The most notable experience to me is the complex multi-layer dreams that I have. Situations, people, places, and events as well as emotions from various times and places in my life all amalgamized into one, cohesive dream. I have never experienced anything quite like it.
Had a few rough days and a few outbursts but my emotional state is much better than before OF3. Body tension is reduced drastically. Head chatter is still there, but not to the degree it used to be. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, and I think that stuck with me. However, I am making the descision to choose a state of mind that is void of any of that and is calm and collected. Joe Dispenza and the heartmath meditations as well as their at-home sensor to tell when you are in coherence is helping. Kept seeing heartmath show up in my life; Joe Dispenza, William Tiller, as well as other books so I decided to take the hint and choose that form of meditation to go with. 30mins to 1 hour every day.
One thing that OF3 has done that other subs before have not is to adjust the undercurrent of my emotional state. It always felt like I was trying to put in an excessive amount of conscious effort to make subs work, which by nature, puts me into a striving type mentality and is therefore counterproductive. OF3 is doing it's job regardless of that behavior and is actually pumping the brakes on it. The root of that thought process must have been fear, probably the fear of not being good enough I'd say.
I recently had an amount of time, roughly 2 weeks I'd say, where I holed up in my room and checked out of life as much as I could. I thought it may have been a response to OF3 but I attempted to do nothing to try and stop myself. No deep depression like I've had on other subs, just a desire to recluse. I didn't attempt to stop any behaviors that were most likely coping mechanisms and no beating myself up for my behavior either, just let it all play out. I knew OF3 would resolve whatever was happening and sure enough last night I "woke up from a dream" so to speak. Every so often on OF3 I'll get moments of emotional clarity. Like all the roundabout, complex and layered ways fear maintains a foothold in the life of someone have been pulled away and I see my behavior for what it is; a response to the fear.
If I had to describe the main vice in my life it would have to be fear. Over the years it has progressively, and silently hemmed in my life in more facets and ways and, like ratchet straps, held me in place tighter and tighter as my life has continued on. The sub I was on before was the new MLS and because of fear I felt like I was full on pressing the breaks and gas at the same time in a car that had enough horsepower to overcome its stopping power. The tension and stress was quite hard despite the things in MLS that reduced or prevented it. One day, during a meditation, I felt like I touched the main issue of my life. That issue was fear. I could feel it like a ball in my heart area and I was planning maintain my MLS run but it became clear quickly that dealing with fear in such a way might not be the most productive way to go about it. I knew the "brakes" on MLS was due to fear and that I would soldier on through it and maybe overcome it but it would probably take longer and I'd suffer through the multi-layer state of gas and brakes at the same time for a while. It was possible for me to burn out in that state as it was so exhausting and from day 2 on did not let up unless I was on an off day. So after buying OF3 I switched over after a few days rest and haven't looked back.
I believe I made the correct decision. My OF3 run has been marked by less stress, less body tension, less hopelessness, less self-condemnation and judgment, less self-pity and hate, fewer and fewer coping mechanisms and a much more relaxed life outlook. I've also been enjoying music much more as I now don't use it as a distraction to not consciously think about fear.
But don't think that I was a big bundle of overt and obvious fear that all could see. Mine was subtle and quiet; painting the layers of my conscious and unconscious mind and without words or obvious thoughts was fencing in my life more and more until I felt locked in place. It was this year that I really started to feel like I was trapped internally and started to seek some answers. Luckily OF3 operates in the manner it does and that I decided to use it.
Currently, not much looks different on the outside but I can tell things are changing internally. Slowly and steadily OF3 is rooting out all the fear in my life and my thought processes and emotional state of being are beginning to reflect that. I also feel like OF3 is the first sub to really get at the core and baseline of my existence and that true change is happening in me and not just superficial things. Now other subs may have done that as well but really the reason I personally wanted to use IML subs I think was the hope that fear in me would be addressed. I have felt like I have had all subs (in my opinion) only have partial execution and I almost gave up using them as they felt almost like a carrot on a stick with no true change happening, just another false hope. That's not what's happening on OF3. It feels like true change.
On the technical side I am running one loop Ultrasonic in the morning and one at night for 3 days with a 48 hour or more break from the stop of the last loop generally. 2 in a row is overload and hybrid just makes me feel like my subconscious just shuts down and doesn't even accept the input as it's too much. I don't get tired, I actually don't feel anything and don't have dreams or any noticeable results currently so I stick to the US format. I actually switched over to using US near the end of my MLS run as it felt better and less overload. I may try hybrid again down the road but currently US is working just fine.
AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM in the title is a reference to the world's largest tunnel boring machine. To me OF3 feels like it's tunneling through the bedrock of my life so I consider it an acceptable comparison.
![[Image: post-1166-1294042585.jpg]](https://www.bauforum24.biz/uploads/2011/01/post-1166-1294042585.jpg)
RE: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - Chris P. Bacon - 07-13-2021
Today I feel emotionally empty. Must mean something is going on. Not really motivated to do anything today. 3 days is still difficult for me.
RE: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - Chris P. Bacon - 07-13-2021
Whatever was happening this morning seems to be gone, or maybe I was just overtired from 3 days on. Starting to develop a focus in my life as with the fear gone it's now obvious why my life hasn't amounted to much as of yet. Not developing skills or using my talents or gifts as the "not good enough" was such a heavy burden to drag around and always gnawed at my heels. Not anymore. My heart has been so checked out of life for so long because of hoplessness that it takes a bit of effort to actually want anything.
Also getting in touch with feeling again because I have to feel like I want something in life.
RE: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - Chris P. Bacon - 07-16-2021
hitting a degree of fear that seems deep. Feel very tense in my body and it seems like my sympathetic nervous system is pretty wound up today. Compared to last night when I was chill and relaxed and felt like I was able to communicate with my subconscious and direct my experience the difference is night and day
. It feels like I'm locked out of myself sometimes and can't really change what's going on "under the hood" to change my experience of life. One of my goals is to have good conscious to subconscious communication. My heartmath meditation went oddly well after I settled in to meditate but it went back to my current state after I was done.
RE: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - Chris P. Bacon - 07-18-2021
I am at a loss
OF3 has been hitting something big for a few days now and it's causing some anxiety or panic in me. I played 5 or 6 loops yesterday in an attempt to get over it before my 2 day break but that does not seem to have happened. I'm exhausted but the anxiety still remains. Wondering if I should be playing a loop or 2 today despite being on an off day. I haven't felt anything quite like this before. It's almost to the point of not being controllable. I can't push it down and I don't know how to process this to release it.
This is one of the most difficult things I have gone through on any of Shannons subs. some of the depression of earlier 5G subs sucked but it was never like this. Hope it passes soon. Ready to be done with whatever is inside of me.
RE: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - Shannon - 07-18-2021
I don't know for sure what is the best path but it seems reasonable that doing what RTB did isn't a bad idea in this case... just bomb the hell out of it and overwhelm it until it's dealt with.
RE: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - Chris P. Bacon - 07-18-2021
(07-18-2021, 11:58 AM)Shannon Wrote: I don't know for sure what is the best path but it seems reasonable that doing what RTB did isn't a bad idea in this case... just bomb the hell out of it and overwhelm it until it's dealt with.
Roger. I don't have anything planned for the rest of the day so I'll do just that.
RE: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - Chris P. Bacon - 07-18-2021
As soon as I started the first loop I felt a sense of relief, but it was more like "good time to get back to work" relief or something like that. It seems that part of me is on the change train and part of me is desperately fighting to keep things the same. To have two such conflicting feelings and sentiments is a mysterious feeling.
As the 2nd loop is going on the anxiety/panic is turning into an apathy/nihilism feeling. It's also feeling like part of me is unable to overwhelm OF3 and feels, for lack of a better term, a "bitter death". I have only experienced something similar to this once in my life and it wasn't quite the same. It feels like hopelessness from fighting against a force that is more powerful than oneself and losing whilst still fighting. The sub is giving me an "outside perspective" on the experience. That's good because if I was caught in this feeling I would be drowning in misery or panic right now. However, the gravity of feelings, which I am mostly shielded from, feel more grave than is possible to convey through words. Yesterday and the day before the sub just didn't have as good a handle on the emotions as it does now. It would be nice to see this as progress. I wonder if this is the fear of death. Can't be sure.
Tiredness is starting to subside as well. I wonder if we are capable of running more loops on subs without fatigue once fear and resistance is removed?
RE: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - Chris P. Bacon - 07-18-2021
Another wave of fear as the bombing continues.
RE: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - Shannon - 07-18-2021
I have noted many times that resistance results in exhaustion. Overcoming what is resisting, or what is being resisted, released that resistance and the exhaustion goes away. No more battle.
RE: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - Chris P. Bacon - 07-18-2021
(07-18-2021, 05:39 PM)Shannon Wrote: I have noted many times that resistance results in exhaustion. Overcoming what is resisting, or what is being resisted, released that resistance and the exhaustion goes away. No more battle.
Yea, but to see that it's still applicable in the new tech is interesting.
My subconscious was still having a ton of fear going on so I took a shower and then decided to try hybrid. It's handeling whatever is going on a lot better.
This whole scenario is pointing to an issue that I've know about but really hasn't hit home until today. The communication between my conscious and subconscious mind is in very poor shape. I basically don't know how to release stuff when it comes up and i don't trust myself all that much. To me at least that indicates a communication error. I'm not sure if I'm overthinking it but I can't consciously assist myself in releasing anything and it is difficult if not impossible for me currently to consciously do this. I cannot recall the last time I truly let go of any of my own issues. I'm forgiving with others, but not to myself. I would like to fix this.
Any methods you guys find useful would be greatly appreciated and a good start. Thank you in advance.
I would like to
RE: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - Chris P. Bacon - 07-18-2021
I don't swear very often, it's just not in my nature to do so, but hybrid is the shit.
RE: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - Chris P. Bacon - 07-19-2021
So I redact my statement that hybrid doesn't work for me.
With just 2 loops it cleared out what 5 or 6 ultrasonic loops failed to do. In fact, the difference is so stark that the last few days of feeling borderline crazy seem like a dream today. I was so night and day different today that I'd be surprised if I could, but it feels natural to be like this. For me personally, this may be the first time I've really been aware of the Naturalizer at work in any sub.
This brings up an interesting concept I've been kicking around about hybrid for about a month and a half now. I think hybrid is more than double the power of ultrasonic or masked. The best way I can describe it is 1+1 doesn't equal 2 in this case. It might be more like 1+1=4 in the case of hybrid. I think hybrid has a force multiplier effect from having 2 sets of instruction per subliminal input. I don't think time is appropriate to use as time is measured differently, if at all, to the subconscious so I used the term input.
Anyways I think I'll use 1 track of hybrid when I get off break.
RE: OF3; AKA Herrenknecht "Martina" TBM - LionMonkey - 07-21-2021
(07-18-2021, 06:38 PM)Chris P. Bacon Wrote:(07-18-2021, 05:39 PM)Shannon Wrote: I have noted many times that resistance results in exhaustion. Overcoming what is resisting, or what is being resisted, released that resistance and the exhaustion goes away. No more battle.
Yea, but to see that it's still applicable in the new tech is interesting.
My subconscious was still having a ton of fear going on so I took a shower and then decided to try hybrid. It's handeling whatever is going on a lot better.
This whole scenario is pointing to an issue that I've know about but really hasn't hit home until today. The communication between my conscious and subconscious mind is in very poor shape. I basically don't know how to release stuff when it comes up and i don't trust myself all that much. To me at least that indicates a communication error. I'm not sure if I'm overthinking it but I can't consciously assist myself in releasing anything and it is difficult if not impossible for me currently to consciously do this. I cannot recall the last time I truly let go of any of my own issues. I'm forgiving with others, but not to myself. I would like to fix this.
Any methods you guys find useful would be greatly appreciated and a good start. Thank you in advance.
I would like to
Thinking about the things and then breathe it in deeply into your belly. Hold it for 3-5 seconds.
Then exhale it out and relax for a moment.
This little technique helps me relax.
The key is to be aware of when your mind is spinning so you can activate the exercise and let go!
Hope it helps!
-LM