OCFV3-Road to Freedom

[MrGnome]

month 3 cycle 2 Day off 1

i came back from hanging around with my friends this weekend for the first time since covid

and it was amazing it felt like i can do everything i wanted

well almost everything since i still lacked the ability to ask people if i can help them with something,

guess this stand from the fact i never had to help my parents or siblings during childhood

but otherwise it was great i even finally learned and fully understand how to play chess

i also seem to get uncomfortable dreams lately so i guess my loop intake from last week seems to be helpfull

[MrGnome]

month 3 cycle 3 Day on 2

these last two days are pretty good i feel my want to get outside for no reason to become stronger daily

normally i live like a hermit and only go outside when i have to (for work,walk the dog, grocery, hanging out with friends)

but these last two days i went outside for an hour just for the sake of it,

i never realised the fact that it can be quote nice to just be outside when there is no reason too : )

[MrGnome]

month 3 cycle 4 Day off 2

yesterday i got a bunch of test from my job coach (someone who helps me with getting a job)

so i did them and i didn't really like the results i knew i had a alot of fears and low self-esteem but still

getting it in your face is not really fun

i got a giant fear inside me: the fear of being stuck with a job i wont like forever,

the fear of failing, the fear of not being able to improve myself and the doubt of the subs working

i know, i'm only 3 months in it but still i'm really depended on it to work..

mayby i should have used the sub yesterday even if it was an off day..

[MrGnome]

part 2:

i'm also kinda scared about my future in generale

i'm almost 31, still life with my mother, depended on money i get from the goverment (cause of my autism)

and im not educated enough to get a good job..

wondering what i will do...

my sub list is:

TLU6 (done) - OCF3 (in progress) - Appetite Suppressant,

after: Appetite Suppressant. i dont know wich route to take

should i take:

The AM sage with: AM,WM,SM

the job path with: Maximum Learning Speed and UMS2?

or mayby a second run of OCF3?

[MegaMan]

Hey MrGnome,

in your journal, it sounds like you are in the process of changing right now. So I think it will be alright to decide on the next sub when you are near the end of OFv3
Maybe the road will be clearer if you write about it. So imagine you just finished your OFv3 run and it worked perfectly. No fears whatsoever. What would YOU like to do?

Hope this helps
MM

[MrGnome]

Hey MrGnome,

in your journal, it sounds like you are in the process of changing right now. So I think it will be alright to decide on the next sub when you are near the end of OFv3
Maybe the road will be clearer if you write about it. So imagine you just finished your OFv3 run and it worked perfectly. No fears whatsoever. What would YOU like to do?

Hope this helps
MM

Glad to hear i'm about to change right now    

about what i want to do, Appetite Suppressant is pretty much confirmed at this point 
cause i really want to lose my fat forever. 

after this i think im gonna do the AM trillogie since it will come with confidence and self love 
also it will be nice to attract pretty woman 

it might also give Maximum Learning Speed a boost because of the extra self-esteem and alpha mind set   

dont know if it stays like this but hey it's gonna be fine 

but first im gonna Finish OCF3 ofcourse cant wait to see what the last 3 month's will give me (or rather the fear it will take)

Thanks Megaman 

[MrGnome]

month 3 cycle 5 Day on 1

small update: a stranger made a little small talk with me and i felt less anxious

so yeah it was still there but the fact that it was less then before makes me happy

[MrGnome]

month 3 cycle 5 Day on 2

hmm for some reason i started to feel uncomfortable while listening to the sub last night

also i felt fear for no reason and the volume sounded louder then it really was

is it possible my subconcious is playing mind tricks on me?

MegaMan did say i was in the process of changing after all..

[MrGnome]

month 3 cycle 6 day On 1

while listening to the sub last night i had to go to the bathroom after that i thought

there was someone sitting in our garden so i was watching carefully i thought i was watching the person smoke and

watching there mobile phone i almost wanted to stop the sub to talk with the person even though i was a little bit scared

so i carefully opend the door and used the light of my mobile to see a better glimps of the person

turned out to be the toddlers slide, so yeah i felt stupid

but not only that i also get this feeling my brain is starting to fight me and the sub cause these kind of moments never take so much impact

[MrGnome]

month 3/4 cycle 0? Day Off 1 Yeah i started the programme on the 19th but this time it was on a second day off

Yesterday

i got a call phone only for it to be some sort of scam,

first of all it was this weird computer voice that told me i was going to be arrested for someone on my pc

second it was talking to me in English, wich is weird cause the call came from Amsterdam and in this country we talk Dutch.

still normally i would be creeped me out to the point of panic and asked others what to do but this time i stood calm while still being a little creeped out but it didn't took me long to niced the 2 points i typed here

wich resulted in a fast conclusion of: oh this is a scam im just going to hang up.

was quite proud of myself of fixing it so quickly and casually

[MrGnome]

Month 4, Cycle 1 Day on 1

Yesterday i got a bird in my house, so not knowing what to do i asked my mom on what to do (yes i still live with my mom sort off, i pretty much live in a house placed on our garden)

i also asked someone else for tips aswell
but i had to do what my mom told me to do but i was scared and so was she and yet she was able to get the bird out of my house

despite her having more fear then i did, so yeah i'm kinda proud of her but at the same time caused me doubt the process despite the fact i did got better in other things

so i still know its working but at the same time i get feelings of doubt

i even felt the need to do an extra loop despite the fact i already increased a loop a few cycles ago..

right now i feel like my confidence and my fear are on a scale switching sides every second...

I hope i get rid of all my fears over the next 2 months i got left..

[MrGnome]

Month 4 Cycle 3 Day off 1

Yesterday i was verry happy out of nowhere even had lots of energy despite fapping

(yeah that no fapping thingy only lasted 2 days..)

Also i got some work related questions again but while i still nervous and still dont know all the answers

i was still calm and happy even if i wasn't perfectly calm, i was far from panicky.

also had this weird moment where i was over the top happy to be alive while doing grocery shopping.

i used to be mainly average about it before the subs.

Fear of Failure and making mistakes are still present though

[MrGnome]

month 5 cycle 2 Day on 1

welp i guess this is my last month if my math is correct

so overall i have this wonderfull feeling that everything is gonna be okay

yet at the same time i still feel a little uncomfy with strangers and i still dont make small talk unless spoken to how ever i have no problem walking on the street

except when they are very close, i still wonder why: mayby i screwed up by listening 6 loops since last month

mayby it's my autism? or mayby i just need a different sub to take down those things

cause im sure killing fear doesn't fix lack of self confidence..

think i might need a little help after all

[SaltyMeatballs]

What tangible results have you claimed since you began your journey with OFv3? How has your thinking changed? What fears have you overcome?