07-23-2014, 03:15 AM
Great post, totally understandable.
The "not knowing what is required of your gender" is where I'm at, even still. Especially when I get general advice like "just do what you want/be yourself and go with the flow". Dude, my FLOW is to be a girly child. I like it. It's fun, and it reminds me of childhood. I can tell you with absolute certainty, however, that such a state of being is hardly respected. And yes I can not care what others think, but at some point the responsibility to BE the way that makes people REACT the way you want them to react has to fall on me.
It's like work, you either do the job or you're fired. It may be a "job" to be an alpha for me, and to be a ladies man, but I am hoping that with repeated sub use, I'll get to naturally be it, without having to ignore my old-patterns. I'm hoping the old patterns will just not even be in my mind to consider.
The "not knowing what is required of your gender" is where I'm at, even still. Especially when I get general advice like "just do what you want/be yourself and go with the flow". Dude, my FLOW is to be a girly child. I like it. It's fun, and it reminds me of childhood. I can tell you with absolute certainty, however, that such a state of being is hardly respected. And yes I can not care what others think, but at some point the responsibility to BE the way that makes people REACT the way you want them to react has to fall on me.
It's like work, you either do the job or you're fired. It may be a "job" to be an alpha for me, and to be a ladies man, but I am hoping that with repeated sub use, I'll get to naturally be it, without having to ignore my old-patterns. I'm hoping the old patterns will just not even be in my mind to consider.
