On to day 13:
So today had some variety, morning seemed to go really great. I actually got stung by a wasp, I remember when I used to see a wasp or a bee I would just try and go away from it. This time however, after it stung me I was like "Where is it??? I'm going to kill it!". Literally no fear of getting stung again. I used to be so afraid of anything that could cause pain on me, now however... blah.
Later on though, I started feeling a bit insecure. I notice that when I'm in my head for too long, I just can't respond to sudden challenges from people or if someone makes a teasing joke with enough confidence.
To finish off, I'm no longer working there.
For some period I won't be able to test my progress in social circumstances as much. I also decided that I don't ever want to get a job again. I don't think AM is that good of a choice for me at the moment. BASE or BAMM are my best options if I want to get some financial freedom without getting a job and I have enough money just for BASE if the price is going to be what I expect.
A quick suggestion for people that use any subs. To get the best results, be dead honest with yourself. You don't have to post all of these things here, but be honest. Don't let the mask you've had on or your big ego make you think that you have more when you don't or vice versa.
For example I used to hide my misunderstanding of women behind an attitude that was a bit cocky and demeaning towards women, which also helped me push them away and keep me safe from any rejection (if I reject them first). Now I realize that I enjoy women, I just don't know how to act around them.
EDIT: I haven't been socializing too much in the past few days, I like reflecting on the new insights and that keeps me in my head more often than not.
So today had some variety, morning seemed to go really great. I actually got stung by a wasp, I remember when I used to see a wasp or a bee I would just try and go away from it. This time however, after it stung me I was like "Where is it??? I'm going to kill it!". Literally no fear of getting stung again. I used to be so afraid of anything that could cause pain on me, now however... blah.
Later on though, I started feeling a bit insecure. I notice that when I'm in my head for too long, I just can't respond to sudden challenges from people or if someone makes a teasing joke with enough confidence.
To finish off, I'm no longer working there.
For some period I won't be able to test my progress in social circumstances as much. I also decided that I don't ever want to get a job again. I don't think AM is that good of a choice for me at the moment. BASE or BAMM are my best options if I want to get some financial freedom without getting a job and I have enough money just for BASE if the price is going to be what I expect.
A quick suggestion for people that use any subs. To get the best results, be dead honest with yourself. You don't have to post all of these things here, but be honest. Don't let the mask you've had on or your big ego make you think that you have more when you don't or vice versa.
For example I used to hide my misunderstanding of women behind an attitude that was a bit cocky and demeaning towards women, which also helped me push them away and keep me safe from any rejection (if I reject them first). Now I realize that I enjoy women, I just don't know how to act around them.
EDIT: I haven't been socializing too much in the past few days, I like reflecting on the new insights and that keeps me in my head more often than not.
INFP-T
"If you dont work on shedding your emotional and spiritual baggage and egoic nature, then you are still a dead weight in society.. offering nothing.." - Anonymous
"If you dont work on shedding your emotional and spiritual baggage and egoic nature, then you are still a dead weight in society.. offering nothing.." - Anonymous
