04-08-2017, 01:35 PM
Day 37
It's been a strange day. Not a boring one though, as there is not a boring day with DMSI.
First of all it was break of a 6 day long no fap streak (longest since I remember!) and funnily enough I wasn't even trying to score it. I swear if I did I would brag about it. Instead I simply kept going and last night got so horny I almost couldn't sleep. Only then did I realize my feat
Thing I'd like to note is that I kind of felt the sexual energy in me due to no fap but it wasn't helping. If anything it was dumping me. Creative visualizations I made today were order of magnitude more powerful than those yesterday. I don't know, perhaps I don't know how to use this kind of energy or I'm not used to have large amounts of it. Anyhow I'm better of having some of it but never overflowing with it.
Lots of resistance throughout today and yesterday as well. I think I can pinpoint the cause. It's that long distance relationship candidate. The closer there is to me meeting her and the more probable it is that she is indeed sniped or manifested or something the more scared my subconscious is. Some of the fears are reasonable, for example that I am not meant for long distance relationships or that she just broke off with her boyfriends and is emotionally vulnerable. Other, like "I do not deserve girl like her" should burn to ashes in flames of DMSI.
Look, my subconscious might be scared but here is the truth. If she is sniped or manifested or whatever I will get her and nothing will stop me. If I will be as alpha as I was when I was getting my ex no force, no fear, shame nor guilt will stop me. And if she's not manifested then simply nothing will come out of it. There will be no IoIs, she will respond negatively to my playful suggestions and we'll still be friends.
Whatever will happen it's my responsibility. If I manifested her and I couldn't make this work in prospect of the next months it's my fault, not DMSI's or anything else's. And I will not avoid that responsibility because of fear.
It's been a strange day. Not a boring one though, as there is not a boring day with DMSI.
First of all it was break of a 6 day long no fap streak (longest since I remember!) and funnily enough I wasn't even trying to score it. I swear if I did I would brag about it. Instead I simply kept going and last night got so horny I almost couldn't sleep. Only then did I realize my feat
Thing I'd like to note is that I kind of felt the sexual energy in me due to no fap but it wasn't helping. If anything it was dumping me. Creative visualizations I made today were order of magnitude more powerful than those yesterday. I don't know, perhaps I don't know how to use this kind of energy or I'm not used to have large amounts of it. Anyhow I'm better of having some of it but never overflowing with it.
Lots of resistance throughout today and yesterday as well. I think I can pinpoint the cause. It's that long distance relationship candidate. The closer there is to me meeting her and the more probable it is that she is indeed sniped or manifested or something the more scared my subconscious is. Some of the fears are reasonable, for example that I am not meant for long distance relationships or that she just broke off with her boyfriends and is emotionally vulnerable. Other, like "I do not deserve girl like her" should burn to ashes in flames of DMSI.
Look, my subconscious might be scared but here is the truth. If she is sniped or manifested or whatever I will get her and nothing will stop me. If I will be as alpha as I was when I was getting my ex no force, no fear, shame nor guilt will stop me. And if she's not manifested then simply nothing will come out of it. There will be no IoIs, she will respond negatively to my playful suggestions and we'll still be friends.
Whatever will happen it's my responsibility. If I manifested her and I couldn't make this work in prospect of the next months it's my fault, not DMSI's or anything else's. And I will not avoid that responsibility because of fear.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
