01-03-2020, 03:46 PM
Day 3
Life does not seem to be going easy on me nowadays.
In theory I have vacation up until 6th. In reality I had to come to work today and I'll probably need to work through the weekend. Nothing major, all of this in theory could wait, I'm just impatient and, to be honest, kinda sick and tired of being useless. After Holidays at my mom's, the wedding and self-improvement meditations it's time to get going with the work. Lots to do, many project started and left half-way there. It makes me almost anxious of what will happen when I finish them in spring...
My health is failing. I have funny flu cycle where I get sick when I am to do something, at least it's always been like that. I thought I would be sick before the wedding and while I had sour throat nothing major happened. Then I started getting sich again on New Year's Eve just to get fine again and today I feel sick AGAIN. I've always used my sickness as an excuse and so it is kinda way of finding excuse, but at the same time my organism seems to know I can make so excuses and so I'm left in this half healthy half sick state.
Worst of all though... My good female friend (pretty, nice, clever but in chronic depression) I know for 4 years now recently started... insinuating things. I'm used to flirt with her, I often joke that I'm exercising dating on her, but that was uncalled for and almost serious. I'm to meet her on Sunday, we'll see how it goes. If it's just my imagination then that's fine, if not then I'm in trouble. You see, I'm not sure if I'd be strong enough to tell her no, but at the same time dating at our current mental states almost certainly will mean trouble. The difference between me and her is that I'm fine with being lonesome while she takes it really bad. That'd make it even harder to say no to her...
Damn Messiah syndrome. Let's hope I'm just overreacting.
Life does not seem to be going easy on me nowadays.
In theory I have vacation up until 6th. In reality I had to come to work today and I'll probably need to work through the weekend. Nothing major, all of this in theory could wait, I'm just impatient and, to be honest, kinda sick and tired of being useless. After Holidays at my mom's, the wedding and self-improvement meditations it's time to get going with the work. Lots to do, many project started and left half-way there. It makes me almost anxious of what will happen when I finish them in spring...
My health is failing. I have funny flu cycle where I get sick when I am to do something, at least it's always been like that. I thought I would be sick before the wedding and while I had sour throat nothing major happened. Then I started getting sich again on New Year's Eve just to get fine again and today I feel sick AGAIN. I've always used my sickness as an excuse and so it is kinda way of finding excuse, but at the same time my organism seems to know I can make so excuses and so I'm left in this half healthy half sick state.
Worst of all though... My good female friend (pretty, nice, clever but in chronic depression) I know for 4 years now recently started... insinuating things. I'm used to flirt with her, I often joke that I'm exercising dating on her, but that was uncalled for and almost serious. I'm to meet her on Sunday, we'll see how it goes. If it's just my imagination then that's fine, if not then I'm in trouble. You see, I'm not sure if I'd be strong enough to tell her no, but at the same time dating at our current mental states almost certainly will mean trouble. The difference between me and her is that I'm fine with being lonesome while she takes it really bad. That'd make it even harder to say no to her...
Damn Messiah syndrome. Let's hope I'm just overreacting.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
