Mystic Life - LTU 5

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 21 (0)

This hasn't been one of my best days. Neither was it one of my worst. It was OK. But it certainly was one of the days that seemed... off.

I was supposed to go out of the city to my mom today. I didn't for two reasons. The first one was that she wouldn't answer my calls yesterday, later I have learnt that the family party she attended extended a little bit and she simply didn't hear the calls. Due to that I felt half part unsure and half part angry and with my full part laziness (the second reason) I decided I'd rather sleep longer than wake up early to catch a bus out of the city. When I called today my mom was not happy but she was understanding. I'll be spending entire next weekend with her so me not coming today was not that big of a pill to swallow.

I used my time in the city relatively wisely. I don't want to talk much about it but I'm doing what I would call "sandbox research" on the esoteric stuff. The idea is I research esoteric ideas in fiction (for example in the Elder Scrolls series) so that when I will try to approach more serious IRL stuff I will have experience deciphering obscure language as well as I will have points of comparison to make understanding complicated ideas easier via analogy. After all 

Part of the danger of learning magic is that a lack of thorough knowledge can be dangerous. Learning to assemble an automobile from scratch might seem complex enough, but one small mistake can be disastrous when it comes to driving the vehicle.

I've had enough "be careful what you wish" moments in my life already.

That being said this was was indeed off. Hell if I know, maybe it's some afterglow after DMSI, but two weird things happened. First was a bi-polar girl I've done this whole DMSI experiment for came to my flatmate and by extension to me. We talked briefly but I shared with her my interest with metaphysical and she said a couple of interesting stuff. If something more happens about her and will describe her in more detail. Needless to say she's... interesting? There is something to her. This whole DMSI experiment might yet be worthwhile.

Second thing was during my regular walks I stumbled upon my ex. By that I mean I saw her with the corner of my eye sitting with her new boyfriend on the bench. I pretended I did not see her but she surely must have noticed me. Gods be praised I have good angle of vision xD

The thing with her is I have A LOT of bad blood about her. I believed I described some of it in the past posts but still it would do me good to do a proper 3 A4 pages of 10pt font essay about why I disdain her for how she behaved in our relationship.

Abridged version for now. And it's funny, really. I've had two girlfriends in my life: first one cheated on me and was both drunkard and a stoner. Second one was nice and shy virgin. I forgave the first and for love of anything I know I cannot forgive the second. Do you want to know the reason? The first one was acting according to her nature - I know she'd be like that, I accepted it. Blaming her would be like blaming mosquito for biting me. But the second? She had no Will, she had character of a doormat and I wanted to show how what she's worth. And I failed. I meet her as a doormat and I left her as a doormat.

I see this relationship as my greatest failure EVAH. I'm glad I kept calm and walked away when I spotted her with my peripheral vision, otherwise I might have destroyed her if I was to share my opinion on her. I pity her. No human deserves to be a doormat.