06-25-2019, 01:27 PM
Day 64 (1)
I feel slightly better. Not because I'm doing better, I just got this sense of closure and assurance. You know, this internal voice saying "everything's gonna be fine". At any rate today's post is gonna be about women so get ready. 3 things.
Yesterday I said that my NoFap is not going all too well and the reason (the excuse) is my recent rejection. It's a lie. Truth be told, despite all the extraordinary circumstances (and thus aura of destiny for lack of better term) I was barely moved by it. I accepted it and moved on, rarely do I find myself remembering the event and even then I have no ill will to her. This might have made me a little sad or disappointed for 2 or 3 days but that's it. Past me would take this personally, think I was not good enough or whatever. Now? I'm fine. With little to no expectations but assured of myself.
Recent Shannon's reply about "Will vs. Personality" made me think of my ex. Her Will drove her to be with me. I had much to offer, safety and warm she didn't experience in a long time. At the same time however she felt limited by me, like a caged bird. She was extroverted, free spirit kind of person and I was (at for the most part still am) rigid and down-to-earth when it comes to relationships. She loved me, the problem was she loving me made me (in my opinion justly) expect things she just could not give me. I offered safety and expected it back - she wanted safety but couldn't offer it back to me.
Lastly my flatmate told me she has a nice girl for me to hook up with. She said she's sapiosexual (she's into clever guys) and sexoholic (you know what that means
). I am, as always when it comes to things of this nature, sceptical, but I said to go ahead and invite her some day. Again, I have no expectations and if anything I'd expect nothing so there is nothing to lose. And what is to gain I'm not sure if I want just yet but I can always refuse. Win, win, win. Let the die be cast and see where they land. The only thing I could possibly channel from this situation is motivation to go back seriously with NoFap, I lack motivation to stick with it and she might (even with simple prospect of a date) give me such motivation.
In the meantime I will go back to focusing on myself
I feel slightly better. Not because I'm doing better, I just got this sense of closure and assurance. You know, this internal voice saying "everything's gonna be fine". At any rate today's post is gonna be about women so get ready. 3 things.
Yesterday I said that my NoFap is not going all too well and the reason (the excuse) is my recent rejection. It's a lie. Truth be told, despite all the extraordinary circumstances (and thus aura of destiny for lack of better term) I was barely moved by it. I accepted it and moved on, rarely do I find myself remembering the event and even then I have no ill will to her. This might have made me a little sad or disappointed for 2 or 3 days but that's it. Past me would take this personally, think I was not good enough or whatever. Now? I'm fine. With little to no expectations but assured of myself.
Recent Shannon's reply about "Will vs. Personality" made me think of my ex. Her Will drove her to be with me. I had much to offer, safety and warm she didn't experience in a long time. At the same time however she felt limited by me, like a caged bird. She was extroverted, free spirit kind of person and I was (at for the most part still am) rigid and down-to-earth when it comes to relationships. She loved me, the problem was she loving me made me (in my opinion justly) expect things she just could not give me. I offered safety and expected it back - she wanted safety but couldn't offer it back to me.
Lastly my flatmate told me she has a nice girl for me to hook up with. She said she's sapiosexual (she's into clever guys) and sexoholic (you know what that means
). I am, as always when it comes to things of this nature, sceptical, but I said to go ahead and invite her some day. Again, I have no expectations and if anything I'd expect nothing so there is nothing to lose. And what is to gain I'm not sure if I want just yet but I can always refuse. Win, win, win. Let the die be cast and see where they land. The only thing I could possibly channel from this situation is motivation to go back seriously with NoFap, I lack motivation to stick with it and she might (even with simple prospect of a date) give me such motivation.In the meantime I will go back to focusing on myself
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
