07-15-2021, 04:11 AM
Day 14 3 ultrasonic
Nothing came out of work today, first of all I woke up late and tired and second of all my mom takes a lot of attention from and and I want to use the time I have to the fullest while I'm still here.
Because my current working place sucks I had to cash out some of my lowest performing investments. Between playing my new flat off in advance and buying OF I was left with very strained budget for this month. I thought I could save up some money while at my mother's but now that she's retired she needs to be more stingy as well so I need to support her instead of eating off her food. I'm still in a very good situation, a contract work worth about 1.5 of my normal monthly salary is pending but because of "vacation season" and overall crappy quality of bureaucracy it may come tomorrow or in September. So I cashed out, I'll wait for that additional money to come, spend some of it to buy furniture for my new flat and reinvest it in Autumn.
Now come to think of it my greatest fear must be that there my be a situation where I will not have money and I will go hungry and with no shelter. I don't know why. Most probably because both of my parents were in situations like that, coming from families riddles with alcoholism and pathology, and I saw how hard they work to secure everything needed for themselves and me. They experienced hardship so I don't have to. But because I never did and I don't know how I'd behave if I did I want to avoid this scenario by any means necessary. So far it's going great for me, there seems to be no danger of that barring war or some other calamity (and where I live there are no earthquakes or hurricanes) I should be more that fine. But the spectre haunts me.
What's funny is that if calamity came and civilization collapsed I'd be dead in 2 weeks. I'm diabetic which means I need insulin to survive - without it soon I get cathosis and die. I don't fear that one though - I embrace this idea. I don't fear death, it almost seems like a good friend to me at this point, but I do fear painful life.
Nothing came out of work today, first of all I woke up late and tired and second of all my mom takes a lot of attention from and and I want to use the time I have to the fullest while I'm still here.
Because my current working place sucks I had to cash out some of my lowest performing investments. Between playing my new flat off in advance and buying OF I was left with very strained budget for this month. I thought I could save up some money while at my mother's but now that she's retired she needs to be more stingy as well so I need to support her instead of eating off her food. I'm still in a very good situation, a contract work worth about 1.5 of my normal monthly salary is pending but because of "vacation season" and overall crappy quality of bureaucracy it may come tomorrow or in September. So I cashed out, I'll wait for that additional money to come, spend some of it to buy furniture for my new flat and reinvest it in Autumn.
Now come to think of it my greatest fear must be that there my be a situation where I will not have money and I will go hungry and with no shelter. I don't know why. Most probably because both of my parents were in situations like that, coming from families riddles with alcoholism and pathology, and I saw how hard they work to secure everything needed for themselves and me. They experienced hardship so I don't have to. But because I never did and I don't know how I'd behave if I did I want to avoid this scenario by any means necessary. So far it's going great for me, there seems to be no danger of that barring war or some other calamity (and where I live there are no earthquakes or hurricanes) I should be more that fine. But the spectre haunts me.
What's funny is that if calamity came and civilization collapsed I'd be dead in 2 weeks. I'm diabetic which means I need insulin to survive - without it soon I get cathosis and die. I don't fear that one though - I embrace this idea. I don't fear death, it almost seems like a good friend to me at this point, but I do fear painful life.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
