My life is in the shambles right now

[hiddenalias]

At the age of 35, I am still living with my parents. Why? Because I have never personally succeeded in the real world where I can make a handsome amount of money to live on my own.

I have wasted 15 years of my college life thinking one day I could have a good career and all of that BS. The reason why I say it is wasted is because I have struggled to succeed in the college years and I'd say by 'luck' is how I finished......really attained no knowledge in my degrees whatsoever. I also have to blame a learning cognitive disability that also challenged me in the college years that I also am seeking out treatment for to explain the root problem.

Where I wanted to succeed in the age bracket, my acquaintance peers have succeeded.

I feel like an outsider, a black sheep.

The other issue is that i desperately would like to get my own place but am governed by my mom's manipulation of "how dare you want to leave us when for all these year we have taken care of you, dad has chipped in to pay for bla bla when you didn't have any money to fix it yourself" bla bla bla

I understand her logic but my parents are from India and my dad feels as if I have to be a neat freak "tuck in your shirt", "always wear a belt", "put on socks", etc. I know this is the norm and is decent but my argument is that as a grown man I should feel to be the way I am regardless if it looks like I am being a hobo. Plain and simple my argument is that as a legal adult I have the right to live the way I feel like living.

I understand that my dad says it for the right reasons like my parents are really tell me because it is a good impression to show to the people at your job that you have to look like a neat and clean person that knows how to groom himself, I get it, but if I were living on my own and go out like a slob, that means unironed clothes, unshaven, nobody at work would care to even tell me as long as I am getting to work on time and do my job and go home. Plain and simple.

Long story short, my mom thinks I am going to fuck up my life and end up with a woman who will treat me bad or whatever if i end up leaving to go out on my own.

On another note, I have social anxiety because of my over protective parents that have never let me sprout out and about and explore on my own. Unless I can find a cure to the problem, I am ****ed right about now.......

Honestly I am not happy being in this life, if it were up to me, and if I had the money I would leave and never look back, I am just sick of this shit to be quite honest...I know we all have our own demons and life's problems but this is ridiculous; I can understand the way my parents are and let it be if I was a minor but cmon 35 years old being treated like he can't survive out there on his own and part of the reason why is having parents from another country that are strict on religion that have been over protective your whole life that has never given their adult son a chance to sprout and grow......Sorry I just had to vent,

anyways I wonder if anyone can relate to my story or anything similar and if the subliminals here have transformed the members here for the better...thanks for listening and letting me vent:exclamation:

Sincerely

Doomed Soul

[waahbeta]

I get that.
For parents, no matter what age u are, u r still a kid from them. They always want to protect you.
And this feeling is a lot lot more if it's Indian.
I am an Indian too. But i have these special lovely parents who are like, 'do what you want, we are there to back you up'
They don't enforce themselves on me. The case is different on most of my other frnds. They always grudge about me being lucky.
But what I tell to them, I'll tell u to.
They are over protective cos they care.
Talk to them. Ask them to let you be independent. If not for life time, atleast for some time-frame, say 2-3 years, where you can prove yourself.
No need to leave them completely, but renting an apartment next to yours current or atleast in the neighborhood can be a good idea. All you need to do is talk to them once and be serious and positive enough to convince them. For Indian or any parent, nothings more important than their child and his/her happines.

[hiddenalias]

I get that.
For parents, no matter what age u are, u r still a kid from them. They always want to protect you.
And this feeling is a lot lot more if it's Indian.
I am an Indian too. But i have these special lovely parents who are like, 'do what you want, we are there to back you up'
They don't enforce themselves on me. The case is different on most of my other frnds. They always grudge about me being lucky.
But what I tell to them, I'll tell u to.
They are over protective cos they care.
Talk to them. Ask them to let you be independent. If not for life time, atleast for some time-frame, say 2-3 years, where you can prove yourself.
No need to leave them completely, but renting an apartment next to yours current or atleast in the neighborhood can be a good idea. All you need to do is talk to them once and be serious and positive enough to convince them. For Indian or any parent, nothings more important than their child and his/her happines.

Hey thanks for the reply. Actually what you have mentioned I have already tried of course common sense tells you to go the default route.

THe overprotectiveness of parents will range on a situation to situation basis so your friends who probably have over protective parents differ for reasons why mine are which is beside the point.

Just for the record, I have tried all this so that is all common sense things to try ......with all due respect this is the shittiest advice I have received......because now I realized no matter how old I become the only way out of this is

1 (according to my parents) get married and then my mom even told me yesterday that she'd go back to India.....

2 Leave anonymously without their expectations and cut ties with them (trust me this is the best option I have right about now that I am ready to pull out of my ass)

3 Scare the fucking shit out of them so they will be more than happy to not want you to be around constantly.......

Now these are the answers I can approve of for my situation......no one really knwos the situation until you are in the situation and have experienced it......kudos to you for having the laid back parents.

Moving forward, regardless of what the situation is, your advice, even with good intentions, is already been tried even before you suggested it, again its common sense advice which has already been attempted.....my mom is way too attached and yes the 2 are over bearing

look at it this way, I am stuck with them and when the suggestion comes up for my bro and sis to take them in their place, you can see the face they make "oh no I don't want you guys you keep them"

ANyways what I am hoping is whenever I become an AM to do what I want to do that will naturally get me the F out of here and really "start" my own life that I have been lacking for the last 15 years (I say 15 because after 18 is the real beginning to one's life).

I need some substance of outcomes through people who have been in my shoes using AM 6 or something that is the ultimate solution I am looking to read not common sense advice but thanks for trying to help out.....

For the record here's some things I feel that I am living the life of my parents and not for myself

1. they watch their ridicoulous indian drama networks on TV that I have to be forced to listen to from one room coming out of the living room constantly (my own place I would have never had it)

2. they have a shit load of stuf that is theirs (in my own place I would literally have nothing that would be squeeky clean and empty without the shit in the freezer that is their indian groceries or my personal room closet filled with 'their' stuff that doesn't need to be.

3. being evaluated by my mom n dad to make sure that I am dressed nice before I even step out of the house.....now you tell me that's not over doing it.....well live in my shoes folks and you will really get a taste of what I have been going through for the last one and a half decades..i am only surprised that I haven't reached mental breakdown and ended up in the loony hospital which I should have been years ago.

Lastly I hope for this reason that alpha male 6 or ASC or OF will upgrade me into a better human being than what I am.....this should have been in the introduction section but for the new comeers who come here and read this (the before me) and then hopefully a better 'after me' story of how far i've come with shannon's subliminals will see what magic wonders they can produce......we'll find out soon

[waahbeta]

Yeah it was a common sense advise. But that's what ppl do as the last resort or they don't even do that.

I dunno about other countries, but in India, 'hey mom dad, we need to talk' is the final attempt.
It's ok if that didn't work out.
But from your 3 suggestions,
1. Wouldn't be right.
i. If u marry at the moment and make her suffer just to get freed from your parents. If u r selfish and don't care , yes, go for it.
ii) if u marry and divorce 6 months later. Yes. Go for it again if u r selfish.
iii) u get into a contract marriage. That would be best part as both of you are aware of the consequences.
2. I won't comment on it. It's your wish.
3. Don't even try. The more you try to scare them, they will more be attracted to you with a thought of improving you.

With your problem, I don't see AM helping you in that case.
Even though you become alpha, your parents love and care ain't going anywhere. But yes you can and definitely should try AM.
at the moment I'll suggest you, happiness n joy or be positive or remove negative within.

Hoping good for you.

P. S : even I am a a victim of those daily soap drama. Lol.

[Breeze]

A dialogue between my mother and me a month ago...

"Give me that fucking laptop, you bitch!"
"No"
"Don't you hear me?!"
"No"
"I will kick you out of the house. I swear I will. Give me that fucking laptop! It is too late in the night."
"I am not in the mood to scream back at you. Please, go to sleep."
"You will pay for it, fucker"
"Goodnight."

Point #1 - Refuse to play their game

All attempts to manipulate, control or dominate them is utterly useless. They are simply better at it. They are going to beat you every time. Hands down. They will jump on every opportunity to drag you down and get dirty. Emotions are webs weaved around you only if you entertain the spider. Avoid him, he will be willing to avoid you.

At the time of writing this, my mother just popped in and said: "If you fail in the examinations, I will tie you upside-down to the ceiling!" I smiled at her.

Do you get the idea? I hope so. Here are more examples:

"I will kick you out of the house!"
"Exciting! Should I start packing?"

"You are useless!"
"I am best at it. Thank you."

Indifference is the key.

Point #2 - Know where your priorities lie

You wouldn't have made this post if you were earning enough to move out right now. Right? You know what to do then - to strive towards financial independence. Isn't it? Hopefully.

Point #3 - What do you have to lose?

Threats are threats. And you are willing to cut ties with them anyway. Now, when your mother tells you to marry, and if you look into her eye and tell her, "No, I am not going to marry just because you say so." What do you have to lose? If you father tells you to tuck your shirt, and if you look into his eyes and tell him. "No, it is my body, it is my shirt. I am going to wear it as I please." What do you have to lose?

Bottom line: The crowd will chatter. If it isn't your parents, It can be your boss or your friends, or your girlfriend/wife. it is your job to find the right voice. The voice inside you.

[Achiever]

At the age of 35, I am still living with my parents. Why? Because I have never personally succeeded in the real world where I can make a handsome amount of money to live on my own.

I have wasted 15 years of my college life thinking one day I could have a good career and all of that BS. The reason why I say it is wasted is because I have struggled to succeed in the college years and I'd say by 'luck' is how I finished......really attained no knowledge in my degrees whatsoever. I also have to blame a learning cognitive disability that also challenged me in the college years that I also am seeking out treatment for to explain the root problem.

Where I wanted to succeed in the age bracket, my acquaintance peers have succeeded.

I feel like an outsider, a black sheep.

The other issue is that i desperately would like to get my own place but am governed by my mom's manipulation of "how dare you want to leave us when for all these year we have taken care of you, dad has chipped in to pay for bla bla when you didn't have any money to fix it yourself" bla bla bla

I understand her logic but my parents are from India and my dad feels as if I have to be a neat freak "tuck in your shirt", "always wear a belt", "put on socks", etc. I know this is the norm and is decent but my argument is that as a grown man I should feel to be the way I am regardless if it looks like I am being a hobo. Plain and simple my argument is that as a legal adult I have the right to live the way I feel like living.

I understand that my dad says it for the right reasons like my parents are really tell me because it is a good impression to show to the people at your job that you have to look like a neat and clean person that knows how to groom himself, I get it, but if I were living on my own and go out like a slob, that means unironed clothes, unshaven, nobody at work would care to even tell me as long as I am getting to work on time and do my job and go home. Plain and simple.

Long story short, my mom thinks I am going to **** up my life and end up with a woman who will treat me bad or whatever if i end up leaving to go out on my own.

On another note, I have social anxiety because of my over protective parents that have never let me sprout out and about and explore on my own. Unless I can find a cure to the problem, I am ****ed right about now.......

Honestly I am not happy being in this life, if it were up to me, and if I had the money I would leave and never look back, I am just sick of this shit to be quite honest...I know we all have our own demons and life's problems but this is ridiculous; I can understand the way my parents are and let it be if I was a minor but cmon 35 years old being treated like he can't survive out there on his own and part of the reason why is having parents from another country that are strict on religion that have been over protective your whole life that has never given their adult son a chance to sprout and grow......Sorry I just had to vent,

anyways I wonder if anyone can relate to my story or anything similar and if the subliminals here have transformed the members here for the better...thanks for listening and letting me vent:exclamation:

Sincerely

Doomed Soul

Everybody has his own issues.Yours are big,but your circumastances can be changed.When there is a will,there is also a way.
Take it from the bright side.At least you have parents that love you and care about you.There are people that don't have that.

[waahbeta]

A dialogue between my mother and me a month ago...

"Give me that ***** laptop, you bitch!"
"No"
"Don't you hear me?!"
"No"
"I will kick you out of the house. I swear I will. Give me that ***** laptop! It is too late in the night."
"I am not in the mood to scream back at you. Please, go to sleep."
"You will pay for it, *****"
"Goodnight."

Point #1 - Refuse to play their game

All attempts to manipulate, control or dominate them is utterly useless. They are simply better at it. They are going to beat you every time. Hands down. They will jump on every opportunity to drag you down and get dirty. Emotions are webs weaved around you only if you entertain the spider. Avoid him, he will be willing to avoid you.

At the time of writing this, my mother just popped in and said: "If you fail in the examinations, I will tie you upside-down to the ceiling!" I smiled at her.

Do you get the idea? I hope so. Here are more examples:

"I will kick you out of the house!"
"Exciting! Should I start packing?"

"You are useless!"
"I am best at it. Thank you."

Indifference is the key.

Point #2 - Know where your priorities lie

You wouldn't have made this post if you were earning enough to move out right now. Right? You know what to do then - to strive towards financial independence. Isn't it? Hopefully.

Point #3 - What do you have to lose?

Threats are threats. And you are willing to cut ties with them anyway. Now, when your mother tells you to marry, and if you look into her eye and tell her, "No, I am not going to marry just because you say so." What do you have to lose? If you father tells you to tuck your shirt, and if you look into his eyes and tell him. "No, it is my body, it is my shirt. I am going to wear it as I please." What do you have to lose?

Bottom line: The crowd will chatter. If it isn't your parents, It can be your boss or your friends, or your girlfriend/wife. it is your job to find the right voice. The voice inside you.

Lol.
It's different when it's an Indian parent..
No boss and no gf equals up to the Indian parent.
We can kick up as many as gfs and bosses we want, no but that's not the case with parents. It's different. It's way too different.
There's a reason he mentioned those 15 next year's after 18.
If he has already talked to his parents and still with them just imagine how grave the matter is.

[Breeze]

Lol.
It's different when it's an Indian parent..
No boss and no gf equals up to the Indian parent.
We can kick up as many as gfs and bosses we want, no but that's not the case with parents. It's different. It's way too different.
There's a reason he mentioned those 15 next year's after 18.
If he has already talked to his parents and still with them just imagine how grave the matter is.

• Is it different? Cool. I don't know. I am Indian.
  
• Of course, nothing equals parents.
  
• No, one can't kick a girlfriend if one has developed oneitis, or a boss if one does not want to lose the job. The point isn't kicking anybody anyway.
  
• I did not intend to convey that he kicks his parents away. I advised him to take his focus away from them.
  
• And of course, communication almost always never works with "Indian parents", but again, the point isn't communication. It is to focus on one's priorities.
  

[waahbeta]

Ohh. u r an Indian too.
Never realised from your previous posts.
But no hard feelings but how does someone focus away from their parents. N yeah in your previous post uve compared parents to gf n boss, if m not wrong.
Communication factor with parents, I agree.

[hiddenalias]

Yeah it was a common sense advise. But that's what ppl do as the last resort or they don't even do that.

I dunno about other countries, but in India, 'hey mom dad, we need to talk' is the final attempt.
It's ok if that didn't work out.
But from your 3 suggestions,
1. Wouldn't be right.
i. If u marry at the moment and make her suffer just to get freed from your parents. If u r selfish and don't care , yes, go for it.
ii) if u marry and divorce 6 months later. Yes. Go for it again if u r selfish.
iii) u get into a contract marriage. That would be best part as both of you are aware of the consequences.
2. I won't comment on it. It's your wish.
3. Don't even try. The more you try to scare them, they will more be attracted to you with a thought of improving you.

With your problem, I don't see AM helping you in that case.
Even though you become alpha, your parents love and care ain't going anywhere. But yes you can and definitely should try AM.
at the moment I'll suggest you, happiness n joy or be positive or remove negative within.

Hoping good for you.

P. S : even I am a a victim of those daily soap drama. Lol.

Trust me I have been pushing the fact that I have been hurting my mom's feeling reiterating the fact that I want to get my own apartment; over and over and over again but here's the interesting part.......In the last 15 years only since the last 1 year or so, I have been repeatedly telling her that I want to move or have plans moving......my reason to be repetitive is so that it can ingrain in her mind and she can accept it that it is going to happen sooner or later....and she can mentally be ready for it.....but she pulls out the card of manipulation and makes me feel bad of playing the card of "your dad has taken care of you and paid this and that for you all of these years and this is how you are gona repay us back....by leaving!??"

Right about now, I think I am on the verge that I am emotionless with them that the desperation to leave is more important to me now than caring for their emotions that I will emotionaly hurt their feelings if I left;

2 factors that will determine when and if I will leave; 1. $$$$ to support myself and 2. a girlfriend; the latter is not as important as the first one is......I'd reather leave with a girl that can be a part of my life than by myself but alone moving on is just as satisfying......

I disagree with you that i DO see AM helping me with that case, it makes you a bigger man and an adult; remember i am the adult child.....fostered into never sprouting because of the way that I have been mentally cultivated all of these years by my parents....AM 6, ASC, OF, are all powerful tools to push me forward into becoming the man I never could be.....let's not forget BASE either.....

oh and the daily soap dramas suck.........ugh i hate indian bollywood movies and soaps....so boring and cheesy....

[hiddenalias]

A dialogue between my mother and me a month ago...

"Give me that ***** laptop, you bitch!"
"No"
"Don't you hear me?!"
"No"
"I will kick you out of the house. I swear I will. Give me that ***** laptop! It is too late in the night."
"I am not in the mood to scream back at you. Please, go to sleep."
"You will pay for it, *****"
"Goodnight."

Point #1 - Refuse to play their game

All attempts to manipulate, control or dominate them is utterly useless. They are simply better at it. They are going to beat you every time. Hands down. They will jump on every opportunity to drag you down and get dirty. Emotions are webs weaved around you only if you entertain the spider. Avoid him, he will be willing to avoid you.

At the time of writing this, my mother just popped in and said: "If you fail in the examinations, I will tie you upside-down to the ceiling!" I smiled at her.

Do you get the idea? I hope so. Here are more examples:

"I will kick you out of the house!"
"Exciting! Should I start packing?"

"You are useless!"
"I am best at it. Thank you."

Indifference is the key.

Point #2 - Know where your priorities lie

You wouldn't have made this post if you were earning enough to move out right now. Right? You know what to do then - to strive towards financial independence. Isn't it? Hopefully.

Point #3 - What do you have to lose?

Threats are threats. And you are willing to cut ties with them anyway. Now, when your mother tells you to marry, and if you look into her eye and tell her, "No, I am not going to marry just because you say so." What do you have to lose? If you father tells you to tuck your shirt, and if you look into his eyes and tell him. "No, it is my body, it is my shirt. I am going to wear it as I please." What do you have to lose?

Bottom line: The crowd will chatter. If it isn't your parents, It can be your boss or your friends, or your girlfriend/wife. it is your job to find the right voice. The voice inside you.

ok you didint say in the dialogue which one was you and which one was your parent??? but i laughed its funny about the 'gimme the laptop you bitch' that is so fucking funny!!!

yeah but I have tried telling my old man that yeah i am 35 and can dress as i please but dude you dont understand that these 2 are like broken recorders......they will always keep replaying what they say as if its the first time and not give a **** that they said it a million times before.......arguing with them is worthless because my mom literally thinks that i am "mentally ill" that i have a "understanding problem" if I am trying to talk to her intellectually and explain my side of the story; my mom also likes to feel like she is a know it all and has answers to everything....."i am right and you are not" you know all that shit.....

[hiddenalias]

At the age of 35, I am still living with my parents. Why? Because I have never personally succeeded in the real world where I can make a handsome amount of money to live on my own.

I have wasted 15 years of my college life thinking one day I could have a good career and all of that BS. The reason why I say it is wasted is because I have struggled to succeed in the college years and I'd say by 'luck' is how I finished......really attained no knowledge in my degrees whatsoever. I also have to blame a learning cognitive disability that also challenged me in the college years that I also am seeking out treatment for to explain the root problem.

Where I wanted to succeed in the age bracket, my acquaintance peers have succeeded.

I feel like an outsider, a black sheep.

The other issue is that i desperately would like to get my own place but am governed by my mom's manipulation of "how dare you want to leave us when for all these year we have taken care of you, dad has chipped in to pay for bla bla when you didn't have any money to fix it yourself" bla bla bla

I understand her logic but my parents are from India and my dad feels as if I have to be a neat freak "tuck in your shirt", "always wear a belt", "put on socks", etc. I know this is the norm and is decent but my argument is that as a grown man I should feel to be the way I am regardless if it looks like I am being a hobo. Plain and simple my argument is that as a legal adult I have the right to live the way I feel like living.

I understand that my dad says it for the right reasons like my parents are really tell me because it is a good impression to show to the people at your job that you have to look like a neat and clean person that knows how to groom himself, I get it, but if I were living on my own and go out like a slob, that means unironed clothes, unshaven, nobody at work would care to even tell me as long as I am getting to work on time and do my job and go home. Plain and simple.

Long story short, my mom thinks I am going to **** up my life and end up with a woman who will treat me bad or whatever if i end up leaving to go out on my own.

On another note, I have social anxiety because of my over protective parents that have never let me sprout out and about and explore on my own. Unless I can find a cure to the problem, I am ****ed right about now.......

Honestly I am not happy being in this life, if it were up to me, and if I had the money I would leave and never look back, I am just sick of this shit to be quite honest...I know we all have our own demons and life's problems but this is ridiculous; I can understand the way my parents are and let it be if I was a minor but cmon 35 years old being treated like he can't survive out there on his own and part of the reason why is having parents from another country that are strict on religion that have been over protective your whole life that has never given their adult son a chance to sprout and grow......Sorry I just had to vent,

anyways I wonder if anyone can relate to my story or anything similar and if the subliminals here have transformed the members here for the better...thanks for listening and letting me vent:exclamation:

Sincerely

Doomed Soul

Everybody has his own issues.Yours are big,but your circumastances can be changed.When there is a will,there is also a way.
Take it from the bright side.At least you have parents that love you and care about you.There are people that don't have that.

Ok so this might sound weird but i don't want to be loved by them; its kinda icky......weird i know; i would rather hope that they can let me go cuz if they dont im a ticking time bomb and i will leave......even sacrificing my nieces that are around 3 to 8 years old; i love them but everyone else attached in my family is just ridiculously annoying; i dont like my bro, i dont like my sister, i dont like my mom/dad heck i dont like my bro in law either.....i might have aspergers too and i know i have social anxiety because of the way i was cultivated.........my plan in the end is to run run far far far away dont look back RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Geodude]

Hey man I had the same exact problem. I would strongly recommend OF. I did it for 6 months straight. I used to be petrified of my parent's disapproval and afraid to go live on my own, but now it doesn't faze me in the slightest. I'm now in the process of getting my own place. It's a cheap subliminal and definitely worth it.

Oh, and one huge thing for me was releasing the shame of living with my parents. That's a major step you gotta take, because honestly nobody cares.

[hiddenalias]

A dialogue between my mother and me a month ago...

"Give me that ***** laptop, you bitch!"
"No"
"Don't you hear me?!"
"No"
"I will kick you out of the house. I swear I will. Give me that ***** laptop! It is too late in the night."
"I am not in the mood to scream back at you. Please, go to sleep."
"You will pay for it, *****"
"Goodnight."

Point #1 - Refuse to play their game

All attempts to manipulate, control or dominate them is utterly useless. They are simply better at it. They are going to beat you every time. Hands down. They will jump on every opportunity to drag you down and get dirty. Emotions are webs weaved around you only if you entertain the spider. Avoid him, he will be willing to avoid you.

At the time of writing this, my mother just popped in and said: "If you fail in the examinations, I will tie you upside-down to the ceiling!" I smiled at her.

Do you get the idea? I hope so. Here are more examples:

"I will kick you out of the house!"
"Exciting! Should I start packing?"

"You are useless!"
"I am best at it. Thank you."

Indifference is the key.

Point #2 - Know where your priorities lie

You wouldn't have made this post if you were earning enough to move out right now. Right? You know what to do then - to strive towards financial independence. Isn't it? Hopefully.

Point #3 - What do you have to lose?

Threats are threats. And you are willing to cut ties with them anyway. Now, when your mother tells you to marry, and if you look into her eye and tell her, "No, I am not going to marry just because you say so." What do you have to lose? If you father tells you to tuck your shirt, and if you look into his eyes and tell him. "No, it is my body, it is my shirt. I am going to wear it as I please." What do you have to lose?

Bottom line: The crowd will chatter. If it isn't your parents, It can be your boss or your friends, or your girlfriend/wife. it is your job to find the right voice. The voice inside you.

Lol.
It's different when it's an Indian parent..
No boss and no gf equals up to the Indian parent.
We can kick up as many as gfs and bosses we want, no but that's not the case with parents. It's different. It's way too different.
There's a reason he mentioned those 15 next year's after 18.
If he has already talked to his parents and still with them just imagine how grave the matter is.

Remember parent shape the individual........even if they have been "nice" they haven't been perfect; my other reason to leave is to prove to them i can survive out there on my own......honestly i am in the i dont give a **** about their feelings......if parents shape them the rigght way they grow strong and independent; but if you secure them too much you have a socially anxious coward hiding away in the corner.......all this mental trash in my mind must be re programmed....point being parents will decide who you become; they only will realize after i walk the walk and not talk the talk.....