My Program for a Better Me

[AbiDrew85]

So Shannon recently revealed pricing for BAMM and my eyes about popped out of my head. Introductory price of 1.2 grand. OK, I can accept that. It's a big number, yeah, but it's totally worth it. It'd probably take me a few years to save up for, but I can see it happening. Eventual price jump to around 3 grand. OUCH.

The problem I'm having is that I'm not even in any kind of a decent work situation and have no clue how to get into a decent work situation to have anything spare to save up and plonk down on anything. My computer needs repairs that I'm not doing, I need repairs I'm not doing, I don't have a car, I... It's not that I don't want it, it's that I have no idea where to even begin.

That's part of what I'm hoping my presently planned programs will help me with, get me to a position of at least being financially stable enough to take proper care of myself.

I see a lot of value in BAMM, and not just the money angle. But that's not discrediting the money either. I could do a lot with being a multimillionaire. I'd be a major philanthropist and investor in causes if I had that kind of money.

Perhaps if I was able to at least look at it from the perspective of someone who's already financially stable I wouldn't see 3k as being so much to ask... I just can't presently imagine being financially stable any time soon, and that's part of the problem!

Cosmetology has the potential to make me lots of money... but to be quite honest, my hearts not really in it, and if there's anything I've learned, if your hearts not in something, it won't make you a dime no matter what its potential for making money is. I'm still going to finish my program, first, because I'm NOT a quitter, and never have been, and second, I am learning a lot of really useful stuff! Even if I never make money off of it, I'm sure I can still find lots of use for the skills I am learning right now.

What I really enjoy doing the most is research. But I'm really not sure how #1, to make a career out of that at all, and #2, how to make a GOOD financially rewarding career out of that. I also need to have a creative outlet though. Which is part of why I thought I'd give cosmetology a try. I like to research till the cows come home, but even more than that, I absolutely MUST be able to find ways to apply what I've learned into CREATING something. Be that a story. A game. A computer program. ANYTHING. I need to research and then create.

I suppose it's exactly what Shannon does with his subliminals... But since he's already so good at it and is unlikely to want to share... lol.

Well. Anyways. About the present programs.

Voice changes are still the same story, slow but steady. However, OGSF seems to be starting to build up some real major steam now. I find myself interacting socially without even thinking in situations that before I'd've been cowering in a corner. I'm making friends with the other girls at school. That's something I've NEVER been able to do without being nervous as hell. I mean, making friends. Like. At all.

It'll have been 32 days since starting these programs tomorrow... Voice is going slow but steady, but OGSF seems to be going at an exponential rate. It started off even slower and more painful than Voice, but slowly it began overtaking Voice, and now it's totally become like a tidal wave just inexorably and fiercely wiping all my fears, my guilt, and my feelings of shame away.

It's not anywhere near done yet. In fact, it's really only just begun it's real work. I have a feeling though that I'll know when it's done. Might be the end of February, or might not be until the end of March. But I can definitely see it coming. And I just know it'll be insanely liberating when it comes.

[AbiDrew85]

I have not been reporting back very well, have I... giggle.

Well... There's really not too much to report. Progress continues to be slow but steady on the voice side of things, and OGSF is still steam-rolling away.

The other day I had my first male guest (who was also a stranger) in my chair at school, come in for a haircut. And while I was a little nervous, I think I managed to keep from showing it much. I also noticed something else even more interesting. I'd have thoughts along the lines of what must he think of me, and, does he really want a tranny cutting his hair, but then I'd just dismiss them as inconsequential and even if he does find me revolting, what does it matter anyways? He wants a haircut. And I'm the girl who's going to give it to him.

I even managed to talk to him a little, which is a miracle itself 'cuz I have even more difficulty approaching and talking to guys than I do girls.

It was a crying shame he wanted it cut though, and I told him so! I didn't say so to him directly in so many words, but he was kinda cute with the shaggy look... I seem to be a sucker for men with curly hair. The wording I used was more "all that gorgeous hair and you really want it all gone?"

He went SHORT short, like, no-guard up the sides and nape and #2 guard above the parietal. And I must say, I much preferred him with the long curly mop he came in with. He seemed pleased with it though.

I find myself wondering if I really want to use the depilatory or if maybe I should buy and use exercise motivation and enjoyment instead. I REALLY need to get more exercise, and I know it, but I have a rather difficult time convincing myself to do so. Part of it is that I really don't have anything warm to wear riding in the winter, but I also really need to do more than just ride a bike anyways. I need to find ways to tuck my tummy and sides... But that involves the type of workout that I've always associated with being a WORK out. Meaning effort with no real reward. Part of this negative association I know comes from my past attempts at building myself up to be a bulky guy since that's what society expected me to be and constantly failing at it... but I still need to fix this problem. And it is definitely a problem.

[AbiDrew85]

It is an amazing feeling to be so free of my fears and anxieties. I feel as if I am likely to be almost finished with OGSF, amazingly enough!

It's also incredible what a difference it has made in how quickly I can get things done. Apparently a lot of the reason I was so slow at performing even the most basic of tasks was some form of a performance anxiety.

However, that leads in to a change in the plans that I really firmly believe needs to be made. I'm just not sure how, or even if it's necessary or if LTU and/or ESE will make the necessary changes, but I NEED to completely conquer this slow performance thing. Now. Or at least as soon as possible.

It is holding me back from accomplishing so many things and I'm honestly getting quite tired of being harped at for something that has always been a core part of me that I have little to no conscious control over.

Since I have little to no conscious control over how quickly I can get things done, it seems to me that it's an ideal candidate for correction through subliminals.

So... Can anyone think of anything to suggest to me to use to quickly target and correct this SPECIFIC issue, or should I just continue with plans as is, but with tossing a month of ESE in at the end of Feb instead of using OGSF for 3 months like originally planned?

Please note, I'm not QUITTING anything, I really honestly feel that OGSF is very near to finished, or at least as much as is possible for a first round of it. I may yet need a refresh some months down the line, that's impossible to know for certain, just like it was impossible to know for certain how long it'd take to complete the first round. I imagine any refreshers needed in the future should only really need to be 32 days.

I'm also not quitting the rest of the plan. Simply planning on inserting something new in IF something I may have overlooked can conquer my turtle pace more quickly than what I currently have planned.

Thanks for reading, and for any suggestions!

Abi.

[Subeternal]

For that specific issue I would say do ultra motivation or overcome procrastination either doing them solo or in combination with each other. Read the script for both and maybe look for testimonials on both to see what fits your needs best.

Overcoming fear and OFSG are from my perspective completely foundation based. They may go to the root of all issues but they certainly dont target the actual problems of the person. I think in the end they make the going easier once you decide to switch to a primary objective of your choosing.

I wish these were around when I first started using them.

[AbiDrew85]

For that specific issue I would say do ultra motivation or overcome procrastination either doing them solo or in combination with each other. Read the script for both and maybe look for testimonials on both to see what fits your needs best.

I thought about ultra motivation, and though procrastination is another problem I do have, it's not nearly as big as just being slow in the first place. In fact it's because I'm slow to begin with that I procrastinate some things. I'm like. Nope. That'll take too long. Not doing it right now.

Ultra Motivation maybe could help. It feels kinda more like a generalized script still though. I would think even Ultra Success would get me closer to my stated target problem area. The problem there is, will my subconscious adequately recognize that I would consider getting faster at doing things success?

[Subeternal]

For that specific issue I would say do ultra motivation or overcome procrastination either doing them solo or in combination with each other. Read the script for both and maybe look for testimonials on both to see what fits your needs best.

I thought about ultra motivation, and though procrastination is another problem I do have, it's not nearly as big as just being slow in the first place. In fact it's because I'm slow to begin with that I procrastinate some things. I'm like. Nope. That'll take too long. Not doing it right now.

Ultra Motivation maybe could help. It feels kinda more like a generalized script still though. I would think even Ultra Success would get me closer to my stated target problem area. The problem there is, will my subconscious adequately recognize that I would consider getting faster at doing things success?

You have to figure out why your doing things slow. From what you said in a previous post it can be a perfectionist sort of thing as you probably already know but from the titles listed I dont think any one of them really target that solely.

Problem is most problems seem to have multiple threads. Your dealing with a jungle of weeds not just the first one you may looking to pull out. It could be a focus issue as well. LLC might be a interesting one to do as well.

I know this is going to sound like a criticism but honestly try not to focus so hard on finding the perfect sub. I really dont think there is a perfect way to do them in terms of order at this point in time. If you think Ultra Success suits you better go for it. I dont know your situation thoroughly and your approach to things may be very different than my own.

[AbiDrew85]

So I've decided to just bump up ESE and continue with the program left mostly as originally planned.

I shut off OGSF last night and am now using ESE and Feminine Voice.

[AbiDrew85]

Something told me that I was done with ESE for now as well and I shut that off this morning... *shrug*

So for now it's just finishing up Develop a More Feminine Voice.

And wow is this giving results beyond my most wildest dreams before starting the program, or even just a month ago.

I admit I still had some lingering doubts about this program. What if I'm wrong? was one of the biggest ones. But that was my fear talking and that went away with OGSF.

I now know absolutely with every fiber of my being, with every part of my heart, mind, and soul, that I AM female. The genetics are beside the point. Whatever they even are. The physical traits are nothing more than an anomaly. I am FEMALE.

Voice though... A part of me, that natural cynic that I am, still was in denial about Shannon's claim that it could provoke a physical change. But a physical change IS happening. I noticed it this morning.

I don't know how much of an "Adam's apple" I had when I started the program, but I do know it's become less pronounced within the last month. I don't know what I started with because I still had a lot of hair on my neck. About a month ago, after my second session of laser on my neck, most of my neck hair was gone and what protrusion was there was much more obvious.

This morning as I was going about my morning routine I noticed that it had gone down A LOT. I mean. It's still there, a little bit, but it's definitely not the same as it was a month ago.

I still don't feel I'm done with the program... But it's definitely working. And working exactly as Shannon said it would. I don't know exactly what all changes are happening to make my adam's apple go down, but since much of our vocal apparatus is located in that area, I'm sure it's all part of the program.

There's also no way this could be the result of anything else I'm doing. Yes. I'm on hormones and herbs to help demasculinize and feminize, but NONE of that has EVER changed someones adam's apple. It's a proven fact that they just DON'T do that.

Any lingering doubts that may possibly have remained are gone now, both about Shannon's programs, and about myself. This program has gone beyond what I could have hoped for. And it's not even finished.

[Patti]

That's fabulous for you Drew! Much of the time with these products, they work so subtlely and smoothly that's it's hard to notice where the change has occured until some time later when we look back. But when you have something tangible like you do, it makes these programs all that much more convincing. I don't believe that someone needs to believe in these subs in order for them to work, but I do believe that if someone does believe they will work, the effects will come quicker and easier. Good for you!

[AbiDrew85]

Had about 36 hours interruption thanks to my main desktop system going down earlier this week... Poor Behemoth has had a catastrophic chain of failures all at once. I'm pretty certain his graphics card is shot. The SMART on two of my hard drives claim the drives are failing, and I'm thinking my mobo's taking a crap too. Normally I can squeeze a little more life out of my systems when they start failing, but not even LiveCD's want to run on Behemoth atm.

I don't have the money to build a new Behemoth right now... Thankfully I was able to redownload all of my programs EXCEPT ESE to my laptop and then keep going.

My laptop was bought about the same time as the current iteration of Behemoth was built, but I've barely used it in comparison, so it should live for a while even with being turned into my primary system for a while.

I had a LOT of data on Behemoth though that I can't get access to until I manage to rebuild him... Grr... I mean. I could ghost the failing drives at any time... But... I don't have any new drives to ghost them to! Even getting just one nice big 3 terabyte external backup drive to ghost the data to is money I don't have.

As for ESE... Any way I can get access to that program again Shannon? Or do I need to re-purchase it just because of this stupid chain of hardware failures?

[AbiDrew85]

As for the program... I still think I have a LONG ways with voice yet, but It's already making HUGE changes... I'm thinking of recording a sample of my voice right now to compare with samples I already have on the web of my voice before... Problem is I don't have any decent recording software on my lappy. I was going to do this, and then Behemoth went KABOOM.

For a sample of my previous voice: http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?ugw2qew1gh47nn3

I think you might be able to click around from that link to find a couple other readings I did as my previous self if you want to... Or maybe not... Since I have a mediafire (obviously) it might just be something to do with being logged in.

Anyways... That's my shortest reading, but is reasonably involved, therefore makes an excellent sample.

(And yes, it's a poem I wrote...)

[AbiDrew85]

OK... This was done with craptastic sound hardware on my laptop with crappy Windows Sound Recorder, which only records to WMA, but... Here we go:

http://www.mediafire.com/?d2eapsqsl7d2l7l

The previous file I'd actually done over and over again and picked the "best" samples and cut and pasted together... This, since I didn't have decent tools, was just a straight read through.

Remarkable change already!

[AbiDrew85]

OH... and any boys reading this... Don't worry. There isn't a failure in the program. My brother and our boarder and my Dad have all been completely unaffected despite easily being in range of it at least some of the time. My brother and the boarder most of the day for most days!

So yeah... It's not a failure in the program, my subconscious just really truly does believe me to be female. I already knew this from my soul searching late 2011, but it's nice to have something like this I can point to and say, here's proof!

OH!!!!!!

Speaking of my brother and the boarder being in range... My brother is FINALLY getting ready to move on in his life! He's applied to a school for a Bachelors in some sort of engineering field! I didn't really think about that before as being a possible link and success story, but... yeah. It totally could be. No. It probably is. He was pretty much always complaining about things stopping him that basically amounted to being fear-based. And he's no longer being stopped by those things. So. +1 for OGSF!

The boarder... Nothing really seems to be changed with him... *shrug* He's probably just THAT resistant.

[AbiDrew85]

I am intending to run Voice until June 8th, at which point I will be changing to something else and reporting on my final results for Voice.

I'm beginning to doubt my own plans, however. I think starting LTU whilst finishing up school would probably be counter-productive over all. Number one, if it hits at all like OGSF did I will NOT be running at even my present 100%. And number two, my present 100% really isn't enough anyways. I think I need some success-based programming.

I realize there is SOME success programming in LTU... but is it enough? I'm having doubts.

I think I will be buying Ultra Success and Everything Is Possible and running those next. Or maybe using Ultra Success in concert with LTU to further enhance the rest of it and give some reinforcement to the success portion. Or something. Maybe just continuing as planned will work out just fine? I do think I want to run EIP at SOME point. And I'm really liking the idea of reinforcing LTU with Ultra Success...

Is the 4g Ultra Success which is a B/D compatible with LTU? I REALLY like the idea of the manifesting/attracting success. I sure do need some of that right about now.

Or if you have ANYTHING AT ALL that can help me just be faster at things. It's not really procrastination, though that does hit me too, especially when a task seems insurmountable, it's that even when I'm actively TRYING to be faster at something I just CAN'T.

Somehow I just seem to be preprogrammed to do things slowly and methodically. Brain hemisphere balance problem maybe? When I try to do things more quickly, one of two things happen, and usually the second: either first, I just fail completely and remain slow and methodical, or second, I manage to do it more quickly, but I get clumsy, forgetful, and shoddy.

Gah! I really don't know anymore right now