My Program for a Better Me

[AbiDrew85]

I think I was just on my "period". I know, or at least as far as I'm aware, I can't have the "real" thing, but damned if they aren't starting to feel like it. Last months was like seriously like dysmenorrhea proportions. This months was milder, but definitely there as well with all the right physical and emotional symptoms normally attributed to the visitor. Well. Maybe not "all" but definitely enough of them. There was bloating, there was cramping, there was insomnia, there was irritability and moodiness.

Speaking of... Finally got some sleep last night! After three days straight of not being able to sleep, mainly due to just plain being horridly uncomfortable all night I fall asleep about an hour after getting home, then about an hour later our boarder pounds on my damned door and pounds and pounds until I finally scream at him to get lost and he screams at me to give my mom her bathroom scale back... which never left the basement, it was just moved to the other side of the tv stand.

Needless to say I was pissed. And fired off a rather mean text to my mom that honestly wasn't deserved by her... But like. Seriously. Who the hell wakes up a bloody sleeping insomniac? B's lucky to still be alive, stupid fool. If I'd woke up more fully any faster I'd probably have slammed my door open with my box cutter/utility knife in hand ready to do serious violence. It was the first thought to come into my addled brain.

After about two hours I fell back asleep... It wasn't nearly as restful and I was still grumpy in the morning, and was feeling pretty lousy all day still with some cramping and bloating, but then some time towards the afternoon I was all chipper as can be. Seriously. Wow.

Oh, and I got my last roller set done (as in required by State Board before I can graduate), did a super crazy fast pedicure, and, admittedly with some help, but I actually finished about the same time anyways as the help with my "half" of the head, did a shampoo thermal in about an hour and a half that her Mom was like "it always takes over two hours to do her hair". The help was only for the thermal portion anyways. I wanted to get a couple perms done as well, but the shampoo thermal did that out.

I'd have to attribute this to either or both LTU and Ultra Success. I AM finally getting faster at these services. I'm still not nearly as fast as what I REALLY should be... but I am getting faster. Hopefully I can get fast enough to graduate by my graduation date.

[AbiDrew85]

Just so we are perfectly clear... I am obviously also missing the most most obvious symptom since there is no way for it to flow out of my body even if it is occurring... I obviously cannot be having menstrual bleeding. Or at least it's not coming out if I am and is somehow getting reabsorbed or SOMETHING.

Honestly though, that's probably the only symptom I have not experienced at least some of.

This is really REALLY odd though... I've heard of other TS women who have the emotional parts of a period, but they don't have any physical symptoms... at all. So I don't know what's going on... and it's not really something to be discussed in regards to my subliminal programs anyways. At least I don't think it should have any bearing. At least not until I get to Breast Enhancement and then Alpha Female.

[AbiDrew85]

Note to self: It will be time to progress to stage 2 of LTU on July 10th.

I'm still wondering if there are any specific guidelines for using Ultra Success 4g? Generalized guidelines say that as a hybrid, you should go with the longer, and as a B/D that's D, and for a D, two to six months, and as much as a year in some extraordinary circumstances.

I guess I'll just use it alongside LTU for the entire duration of all six stages of LTU. That places it at APPROXIMATELY 6 months. Probably slightly under since I started it after I started LTU, but possibly over or even exact since LTU is 32 days a stage for 6 stages, which is more than 6 months.

Whatever the case, I'll be using these programs for essentially the next half a year. Yay for long hauls!

[AbiDrew85]

I progressed to stage 2 of LTU as of early this evening. 32 days from now will be Sunday, August 11th. I will be progressing to stage 3 on that evening should nothing happen to set me back any days.

I've noticed that lately I've been being more... impatient... with people wasting my time. I've been getting down right snappy about it. Which isn't like me at all. At least not when I'm not, you know. And I'm not. The last day of my last one was like a dozen days or so ago. And this has been more recent than that. I was snappy then too, but that was just in general.

I don't know if this is a result of something in LTU 2. Or if this is a result of my not getting as much estrogen this cycle cuz I'm basically out of EV and am only using 2mg a day to use it up starting just before peak day and going through till just before my next "visit". I'm leaning towards LTU 2 though due to the specific nature of this snappishness. I'm literally only getting annoyed with people I'm perceiving to be wasting my time.

And also I've attempted to compensate for the lower estradiol by increasing my alternative estrogen source. Plant derived. I THINK I've been successful... As I said... Really only getting annoyed with people wasting my time.

[AbiDrew85]

This may or may not be related to LTU2 and/or Ultra Success 4g... But lately I've been feeling very inspired to come up with my own meal replacement convenience snack.

In fact as of this morning I've got everything ordered for me to begin my experiments at trying to come up with a decent recipe. I'm not sure whether they'll be designed as bites or bars. Mostly depends on what size they end up being when trying to divide them into 5 servings == 1 day of full nutrition. Honestly kinda hoping for bites. Something you can just pop in your mouth all at once, chew, swallow, and keep on going about whatever you were doing.

[AbiDrew85]

I have become convinced that LTU and/or Ultra Success are helping drive my absolute consumption of my life into developing this recipe.

I haven't been so driven to doing something ever in my entire life.

I've done 5 or 6 experimental batches now (keeping track is becoming difficult lol) and I believe I ALMOST have it right.

Some final tweaking and we'll see where we end up.

Part of me is considering just selling the recipe to someone else to develop it further into an actual finished product... But another part of me is insisting they'd just ruin the perfection and I need to do it myself.

I think the latter may end up winning. Though I'm not at all sure how to go about getting this into production.

Oh, and at least my first product will be a cutting bar. As of the NEXT experiment it'll likely be clocking in at a mere 907 calories a day, 25 grams of only good fats, no cholesterol, 67 grams carb, 20 grams of which are fiber, and 100 grams protein. It also will have more than sufficient vitamins and minerals for ANYONE without going over ULs (Upper Limit), and it'll have a few stimulants, none going over GRAS (Generally Recognized As Safe) limits. There will also be plenty of folate.

I'll easily be able to keep it below 1000 calories and it'll have 100 grams protein no matter what.

[AbiDrew85]

Holy crap. I'm losing weight SCARY fast now. I seem to have passed some sort of final wall and now it's almost too easy. Down to 132 this morning. That's three more pounds gone since a couple days ago. Controlled catabolism WORKS! And this is EXACTLY the kind of planning that's been put into my cutting bar.

[AbiDrew85]

I was reading a TG webcomic and something mentioned in the comments field really struck me, so I just HAVE to share:

Talking about an experiment that was done, hypnotising a bunch of transsexuals into thinking and acting as though they were "normal":

"or they fell into a terrible depression that they couldn’t describe; as though they were still deeply troubled by something, but couldn’t place why"

This! This describes my entire life from the time I was MAYBE 8 at the oldest until just a coupla years ago. I can't verify it to have started any younger than 8 because I honestly have no real memory even now of my most formative years. I just know that my earliest memories (where I also remember what age I was) are around 8 and even then, I was deeply troubled by something but couldn't place why. It'd get worse and ease off in an almost cyclic pattern, but it was still ever persistent. I actually even managed to convince myself I WASN'T being depressive during the eased off periods... But... Looking back now after finally freeing myself... All I really knew then was anger and depression, just at varied levels. I even know true despair. And trust me, it ain't pretty.

Thing is, I did it entirely by myself, to myself, and broke free from it entirely by myself, from myself. Sounds kinda confusing, I know, but it's exactly the way it went. Self-hypnotism IS real. All hypnotism does is program the conscious mind to perform certain responses to certain stimuli while preventing the subconscious mind from interfering. That subconscious block is the source of the "deeply troubled" feeling and also why you can't place why. WHY is in the subconscious, and is being blocked.

Some people take to hypnotism better than others, and for those, it'll last until it's broken. For some it'll naturally deteriorate on it's own without consistent reiteration. The ones where it naturally deteriorates are the ones that start showing signs of tg again in that article.

And when a part of the subconscious actually takes an active part in the constructing and maintaining of the program residing in the conscious and in blocking another part of the subconscious... Which is what happened in my case...

Someone recently tried telling me I had no idea how powerful my mind is (someone who self-identifies as being "in-between" and insists there's no such thing as full transsexuals, only cis-men, cis-women, and "in-betweens"... But I know EXACTLY how powerful my mind is. I also know without a single doubt in my mind, heart, or soul, that I am a woman. Heart, mind, and soul. My stupid body can say whatever my stupid body wants to say, and my conscious mind can be tricked into saying things that aren't quite true as well, but the fact is, deep inside me, at the very core of my being, resides a woman. End of story.

A few years ago I dropped out of college when I came face to face with true despair and still, even then, had no idea why. A couple years ago I went on a deep soul search within myself with the aid of a very mild opiate herb. I had no idea then that I was in fact a woman... But at the end of the search when I finally found myself, my true self... Wow. What a revelation it was. And it changed everything.

I'm now transitioning... Very early in the process, but when I came to from that long nightmare there was no doubt in my mind that I had no other choice. Period. End of Story.

Anyone still failing to understand... Let's face it. You'll NEVER understand. I'm not asking nor have I EVER asked anyone to "understand". All I ask is that you accept. Accept that I am not and never truly was whoever you may have thought I was. It was a lie. A very carefully constructed and maintained lie.

And if anyone thinks there's no freaking way someone so young could possibly have created such a construct within their own minds... You're an idiot. It may not happen often, but it's definitely real, definitely possible, and I'm LIVING PROOF of the concept.

[AbiDrew85]

With that last post I realized something that I feel really needs to be attributed to Life Tune Up. I'm not sure HOW, but I believe Life Tune Up has eliminated all of my self-doubt. And boy was I full of it in all sorts of things and in all sorts of ways. I still only recently started Stage 3, so it must have happened during Stage 2.

[AbiDrew85]

September 13th. That's when I need to change to stage 4. This is just a date marking post.

[AbiDrew85]

So I was needing at LEAST a milligram scale and hunting around everything is really expensive and not really all that accurate OR precise... Even though I don't usually do it, I wound up doing a general google search (I NEVER do a general google search when shopping!) And found a method of building a really nice one myself with an old discarded galvanometer (NO ONE uses these anymore for their original purpose! It's all about the multimeters!) and a bunch of electronics parts that can be gotten from most any small electronics shop for all told around 100 bucks. Add a bit more to the price and I can drastically improve the max load. Add yet more and I can give it all a nice finish so it even looks nice. All told... It'd cost well under the minimum $200 for even a "milligram" scale that's only remotely accurate within 5mg and even then... I wouldn't trust it to within more than 10mg. And would be precise and accurate to the microgram, with a most marvelous ability to sense real time load changes without getting "stuck". Perfect for my needs.

Unfortunately the website I found this on is an archive and the reported software to go with it is not available on the archive site. The original site died back in '08. I found a facebook group for the society that ran the original site, and have applied to join the group... Hopefully I can get access to what I need and start getting parts. The software may need some alterations even should I get a hold of it because the hardware originally used might no longer be available.

[AbiDrew85]

I just saw Shannon's announcement for MIR... Too bad it's not for fungal/yeast... I'm currently fighting an ear infection that I seriously think is of a fungal cause. It's almost entirely localized to my right side and that also happens to be the side that's facing a corner of my room I recently discovered has a terrible mold problem.

[AbiDrew85]

I have made some slightly depressing observations in my efforts to formulate this dietary bar...

What I'm saying is that I think I'm beginning to better understand the obesity epidemic. Trying to formulate a dietary bar has taught me some very interesting things about nutrition and what's been happening to our food in the modern age... Even raw and organically grown.

The simple reality is, in a nutshell, we can't possibly meet our nutritional requirements for vitamins and minerals without either supplementation or eating insane amounts of food.

Our plants and animals are being malnourished even by the best meaning farmers and livestock keepers. (And bee keepers too).

It's not entirely their fault. It's this greedy ass world we're living in. Our soil especially in the US has been sorely depleted and there simply aren't enough trace minerals left to properly nourish our food supply - which translates into not properly nourishing us either.

Or water supply is even worse. Other than flouride which is usually put back in because it's also naturally depleted and chloride which comes from the chlorine they add to kill microbials... Our water supply is depleted worse than our soil. Oh, there's lots of HEAVY metals we don't want at all, but even those they filter out. And what little bit of good minerals are left get filtered along with. So no, our drinking water is NOT a reliable way to get our mineral requirements either.

But that's only the beginning... Our plants and livestock are using up almost every bit of mineral they can get a hold of leaving their own tissues devoid of any remaining minerals and they also aren't getting enough and therefore aren't producing enough vitamins and other nutrients...

So basically... We're in a downward spiral of malnutrition the world over. And the only way to get our nutritional needs met is to eat a ridiculous amount of food, well exceeding our caloric, protein, fat, and carb needs.

Or use supplements.

But supplements aren't always perfect either. Many supplements completely ignore our mineral deficiencies and those that don't often supply an inadequate amount of them and in forms that aren't easily absorbed. Vitamins OR minerals. Vitamins they often will provide a massive potential OD just hoping that even a quarter actually absorbs. Others they don't even care to make the attempt. And they very rarely attempt to actually find forms that are easily absorbed.

And minerals... Almost no multi blends including minerals supply adequate minerals and usually it's in a form that's not readily absorbed...

So... My honest belief is that the reason we have so much obesity isn't actually because we WANT to eat too much. It's that we NEED to eat too much.

Oh... BTW... I'm mostly over the ear infection now. The infection itself is gone, and there's no longer any blockage either, but there appears to have been some damage to the ear drum and/or canal. It'll heal eventually.

[AbiDrew85]

I have, while building Life Tune-Up, realized that I can either build it as a 4G six stage set for $298 a copy or a single stage 5G set for $89.95 a copy. Since after considering my options, I have concluded that the 5G/single stage version would be more effective, and more accessible price-wise, I'm going to build it in 5G as a single stage program. The price will stay the same as the current 3G/six stage set, but it'll be a single stage program with significant script enhancements and be a lot more powerful to boot.

Woot! I've been loving the current version of this program so far so I think I'll be inserting the new version after I finish the current version and doing a rerun of OGSF and ASC. What'll the suggested usage time be for it? Might be that I'll be spending all of next year on these programs still lol.