My ASC Journal - Conquering anxiety & feeling extremely confident

[GreekGod22]

Day 13

Nothing new.  Had a dream once again, don't remember it.
All of my friends are hitting up with the girls, I'm afraid of interacting with them even online, for fear of rejection. It's sad

[GreekGod22]

Day 14

The 2 weeks mark. So significant shift yet. I will keep persisting of course.
I keep having dreams, don't remember much. But they seem to still reflect my old fears and beliefs. I haven't had dreams where I felt more confident.. My subconscious must be putting extreme resistance.

[Shannon]

How many hours a day are you running the program?

[GreekGod22]

How many hours a day are you running the program?

6-14hrs / day.
I'll be honest, I still listen to 2 other Youtube tracks (one for height and one for golden face ratio) for 20-40m / day.
I dreamt of my father last night. He passed away 7 years back. Most of the dreams I've had since being on ASC involve him.
He was a tough, stoic, masculine man. He tried to instill those traits in me too, but I was much more sensitive / fearful than him. He cared about me a lot, but had his flaws. Beaten me as a child.
When he died, I felt I failed to express my affection and gratitude towards him, and that haunted me for a while.

[GreekGod22]

Days 15 - 16

Decided to committ to a mental diet / self love practice. Feeling more optimistic yesterday.
Also more optimistic about the possibility of new sexual encounters.

[GreekGod22]

Day 26
I have been chaotic with my listening and have not followed the instructions. I kept listening to other subs on Youtube (height and facial changes), but I seem to be getting nowhere this way.
Committed again to stick with just ASC and leave the others for good.

Sidenote: I think this thread is better suited to the Men's Journals section.

[GreekGod22]

Day 27

Realized that playing the masked track all night distrupts my sleep, and keeps my mind active. Last night I played the ultrasonic at night, and now I'm listening to the masked ones during the day. It's the right way for me, it seems.
This quarantine is really a blessing in disguise for me. I've been taking a lot of self-care, got back on NoFap and energy / emotional release rituals.
Today, as I'm listening the masked tracks, I'm feeling particularly grounded, self-assured, calm, joyful. New possibilities in my life open up.
Which I have not much experienced in the first 3 weeks listening to the sub incorrectly.
It's fascinating how much higher confidence can reshape your whole worldview and your whole perspective on your life.

Note to self:
- Subs to consider after ASC: EPRHA3, DMSI

[GreekGod22]

Day 28

For the past years, I have been stuck in learned helplessness with all aspects of my life.
Felt particularly angry, frustrated today. Anger phases seem a recurring theme of my ASC days. It's actually internal anger coming to the surface.

I have lots of fears in my life (not caused by ASC). I'm in my late 20s already, I fear not fulfilling my potential, I fear remaining stuck and not making it, I know I've wasted lots of years.
I should have focused on Inner healing from the start instead of pickup and 'outer game' these past 2 years.

Doing Nofap gives me a sense of hope in my life and it's very much beneficial to me, however I keep relapsing. I lasted 9 days this time. Felt great the past few days, now came the crash after relapsing.

 Self confidence causing anger is almost certainly the program causing you to overcome fear that keeps you in a situation that upsets you, and the confidence now gives you the wherewithal to respond as you really wanted to all along, but were afraid to

Found this written by Shannon in another ASC thread. Hope this it's what happening to me.

[GreekGod22]

Day 29

I have been re-reading @Kol  's ASC thread once again and I identify so much with it. I have a gut feeling and belief that ASC is gonna deliver big time for me.
Last night I realized I can shift to my desired state of mind instantly, without needing confirmation from the outside world.
Noticing a deeper voice once again as in the early days. Another distinctive effect of ASC: decisiveness, it makes me more decisive. If this turns into a permanent effect, it will be a Godsend. 
I've been crippled with undecisiveness, insecurity on all fronts of life, delaying and procrastinating, being stuck in life. This morning, I woke up, and just knew what I had to do, I feel no hesitations.

[GreekGod22]

Day 30

I will commit to at least 60 days on ASC.
Been listening over 18hrs over the past day, the sub really is energy-demanding, I'll take that as a good sign. Also experimented with turning the volume a bit down, to test a more gentle approach and break through resistance.
Felt solid today. Feeling like the sub is washing away my limiting beliefs, letting the raw power to unleash.
Went out today for groceries. My body language was solid, I was walking at a calm pace. I was just feeling like 'don't have time for childish or bulshit things, thoughts, people, I'm on my path'.
Got an obvious IOI too.
But I did have a moderate anxiety attack today as I was out, listening to the masked track. Can't put it into words, but I feel like my subconscious is fighting and the sub shuts it down with a "get over it" attitude. 
Thankfully, I've learned very well to calm my anxiety with an emotional releasing technique (Letting Go, D. Hawkins)
So it seems some days are characterised by anxiety, and some by anger. It's not at all overwhelming though.

@Shannon I think this is the Type 6: Running Away type of resistance.

This tactic is used by the subconscious when it realizes that it will eventually be unable to resist the subliminal and will eventually lose to those parts of the subconscious that are accepting and executing the script.  It seeks to end usage of the subliminal by whatever means possible.  In most cases, it simply invents a "reason" why it must stop.  In some cases, it uses extremes of upset (headaches, upset stomach/digestive issues, anxiety attacks.
..
Running away frequently consists of suddenly discovering an urgent "need" to run a different program

I found myself today heavily researching and thinking what sub should I go with next. Pondering over E3, AM6, DMSI. Maybe this is a form of resistance.
I even had a thought yesyerday about just dropping ASC and jump on the free EPRHA, thinking I need to "do more healing"

Note to self:

- Subs to consider after ASC: EPRHA3, DMSI, OGSF, AM

[Kol]

Heh, Im seeing so many similarities with my back then ASC run. Good to see you getting results. I found it after 32 days results became even stronger. Also, the anger is familiar.

Good luck with your run. I keep following your progress.

[GreekGod22]

Days 31 - 33

Lots of ups and downs in my general confidence and mood throught the days. I've had the tendency to slip into my old negative thinking patterns over the weekend. Only what is different this time, I am able to snap out of it much more quickly, choose to switch to a state of optimism instead.
Nofap and meditation rituals are 2 pillars that help me stay positive.

Day 34

Had 2 audio calls today at work. This usually gives me moderate anxiety and uncomfortable sensations. Today, the anxiety was remarcably reduced. My voice felt masculine and strong.

Other subtle changes

• I have also made a few health-related decisions lately. This could be a sign of me becoming more decisive.
  
• I don't find social media that appealing anymore, the need to receive attention and validation is quite, I don't need it now. I want to focus on my inner world now. I am walking on the path of self-validation.
  

[GreekGod22]

Day 35

Felt emotionally stable today.
I got triggered yesterday, felt some competition anxiety. But I did not let it take over me. I realized that it's it's just a feeling and I can choose to not identify with it. I just gotta let go of the emotional energy behind it.
Lately I have realized how much I was lacking in assertiveness, how much I thought my opinions did not matter,so I didn't even try to express myself, who I am and what my values are. ASC seems to be bringing this side of me effectively and pushes me to stand up for myself.
Today I experimented with upping the volume. I kind of miss that one-time effect I experienced on Day 1, haven't had it since. Still awaiting for a breakthough, though I am satisfied with slow progress too.

[GreekGod22]

Day 36

Similar feelings to day 35. Emotionally stable. Situations / thoughts that in the past would trigger me badly and would ruin my day are now short-lasting, I don't get attached to them, I let them go.
I'm on a great path with my health & physique, lots of self-care on this front.