I'm still reporting to work to accomplish the 30 days notice before my resignation's effective date. I went there very late. Whereas before, I was reporting to work wearing contacts, I've been leaving my eyes bare these days--so if ever I see that oneitis, I won't be able to catch her charm for that often leaves me attached and emotionally vulnerable.
It's quite hard not to think about her. My romantic failure with her was the most obvious push that led me to actively pursue PUA and meet my current friends (I didn't have cool buddies before), which then led me to this path of self-development and subliminals. As I tried to connect the dots, I realized that it's not solely my failure with her that led to these changes. Many things had happened prior to that. I also realized that even if I succeeded with her, I still would have to study PUA and take the self-development path because the needy pussy me that time could not have handled such relationship well.
Her rejection of me broke my nerdy belief that I am that guy proudly superior to all those other guys--those fools and bums. I thought if a non elite woman would just come to know me and my unique character, she'd never dare reject me. I couldn't believe that my intellect, drive to succeed, independence, relative wealth, wits, kindness, handsome face, admiration from others, and my capacity to listen to/understand her were not seen by that woman as so attractive she'd have to forget the bums chasing her. (She fell in love with a jerk who promised her marriage. I remember how that made her so happy she'd tell me she prayed long for it. But after some nights spent with her inside her room, the jerk left her, and I was her crying bag.)
Her name frequently pops up in my Emotions Diary. It's good though that I did not see her today, so that means all these thoughts were just attachment to memories that I really have to let go now.
The boss called me to his office. He's treating me with friendliness and more respect now. He apologized for his reactions towards me in the past. He offered ways how he could help me this time. He thanked me and said I'd contributed a lot to the school. He complimented my performance. He even hugged me. Yeah, he's that kind, WTF! He's been preparing for my quitting since last year. Anyway, I was laser-like focused on my own businesses that time. I might not have switched my attention to loving that pretty woman if only the boss was not so mean to me. So, in some way, his management was also responsible for this self-development journey haha
By late afternoon, another woman, a close of friend of mine, was so curious about the things that are happening to me lately. She's asking many questions, as if she feels that she's not gonna see me again soon. (My resignation is still undisclosed.) Awhile ago, I thought, I hate this woman. She doesn't have empathy for me because though she knows that I was in love with my oneitis, she's the one who's been introducing the girl to suitors. (They are close friends as well.)
This friend of mine is actually the most attractive girl I found here 4 years ago. I convinced her to stay and get a job in the school, because I wanted her. I never made a bold move though, so I got into the friend zone. And whenever she had a problem, she came to me. She had some boyfriends here, while I was silently hurting because of those. When her last guy broke up with her, she turned her attention to me. It felt like she's courting me at that time. But though I had heartaches, I also had business successes, so I felt I was so high value that time that I deserve someone better. I ignored her. Another guy courted her and won her heart. (And that same guy is the friend of the jerk who stole my oneitis. She might not have met and got comfortable with the jerk if not for my friend.)
So, if that's the case then, I think, this female friend of mine also had some part in this self-development journey. We talked about our plans in life for more than an hour. We exchanged advice. That's probably the last chance I'd talk to an attractive woman without thinking about my game. Along with leaving my job and this town, I also decided to leave my female friends. I no longer trust women. On second thought though, I've been a nice guy for such a long time it won't be easy to not have female friends for friendship's sake. Aha! I'd just game the younger women and make friends with the older ones hmmmm
It's quite hard not to think about her. My romantic failure with her was the most obvious push that led me to actively pursue PUA and meet my current friends (I didn't have cool buddies before), which then led me to this path of self-development and subliminals. As I tried to connect the dots, I realized that it's not solely my failure with her that led to these changes. Many things had happened prior to that. I also realized that even if I succeeded with her, I still would have to study PUA and take the self-development path because the needy pussy me that time could not have handled such relationship well.
Her rejection of me broke my nerdy belief that I am that guy proudly superior to all those other guys--those fools and bums. I thought if a non elite woman would just come to know me and my unique character, she'd never dare reject me. I couldn't believe that my intellect, drive to succeed, independence, relative wealth, wits, kindness, handsome face, admiration from others, and my capacity to listen to/understand her were not seen by that woman as so attractive she'd have to forget the bums chasing her. (She fell in love with a jerk who promised her marriage. I remember how that made her so happy she'd tell me she prayed long for it. But after some nights spent with her inside her room, the jerk left her, and I was her crying bag.)
Her name frequently pops up in my Emotions Diary. It's good though that I did not see her today, so that means all these thoughts were just attachment to memories that I really have to let go now.
The boss called me to his office. He's treating me with friendliness and more respect now. He apologized for his reactions towards me in the past. He offered ways how he could help me this time. He thanked me and said I'd contributed a lot to the school. He complimented my performance. He even hugged me. Yeah, he's that kind, WTF! He's been preparing for my quitting since last year. Anyway, I was laser-like focused on my own businesses that time. I might not have switched my attention to loving that pretty woman if only the boss was not so mean to me. So, in some way, his management was also responsible for this self-development journey haha
By late afternoon, another woman, a close of friend of mine, was so curious about the things that are happening to me lately. She's asking many questions, as if she feels that she's not gonna see me again soon. (My resignation is still undisclosed.) Awhile ago, I thought, I hate this woman. She doesn't have empathy for me because though she knows that I was in love with my oneitis, she's the one who's been introducing the girl to suitors. (They are close friends as well.)
This friend of mine is actually the most attractive girl I found here 4 years ago. I convinced her to stay and get a job in the school, because I wanted her. I never made a bold move though, so I got into the friend zone. And whenever she had a problem, she came to me. She had some boyfriends here, while I was silently hurting because of those. When her last guy broke up with her, she turned her attention to me. It felt like she's courting me at that time. But though I had heartaches, I also had business successes, so I felt I was so high value that time that I deserve someone better. I ignored her. Another guy courted her and won her heart. (And that same guy is the friend of the jerk who stole my oneitis. She might not have met and got comfortable with the jerk if not for my friend.)
So, if that's the case then, I think, this female friend of mine also had some part in this self-development journey. We talked about our plans in life for more than an hour. We exchanged advice. That's probably the last chance I'd talk to an attractive woman without thinking about my game. Along with leaving my job and this town, I also decided to leave my female friends. I no longer trust women. On second thought though, I've been a nice guy for such a long time it won't be easy to not have female friends for friendship's sake. Aha! I'd just game the younger women and make friends with the older ones hmmmm
"I am developing into a high value Alpha Male..."
![[Image: img?u=5733110570287104]](https://pmo-tracker.appspot.com/img?u=5733110570287104)
