Maverick Samba9

[samba99]

It feels so good typing all that out

My two cents on your experiences so far and from what I've been reading from your journal, you don't seem to really be taking a set it and forget it approach.  You seem to be more consciously trying to manage the trip with Maverick.  

The writing it out is probably a good way for your conscious to just get out of your system that things aren't going your way.  Maverick is something of a bitch if you're not ready to run it, and I'm not saying you aren't, I think it will take you longer to get to the end goal of the program.  

I think the one loop twice a week will be a good step down from the exposure standpoint and it will give you some time to breathe. 

If you are feeling as anxious as you are though, I would say give yourself a two week break before picking Maverick up again for the single loop sessions.  This will give your brain some time to process the existing script without more input.  I think that will also help once you start the sub again.

Thank you Duke for the support, 

I do agree with you to certain extend regarding the set and forget. But good that you pointed out so that now I can get back originally to set and forget mindset.

Regarding being ready or not is very tricky matter as before Maverick I have felt as if I’m plateau at the peak of my potential. However Maverick did expose me naked and showed my flaws perhaps more clearer. But at the same time, I feel as there is a lion inside me that being caged, and trying to get out now fighting these steel cage (negative thoughts)

It’s like my mind is geared differently and now I have much more thoughts to switch on between them.

Anyways, back to it, I did one loop on Wednesday and today is Friday. I’ll take couple more days off and assess.