Eh. So i've identified that it seems the deeper it's going and the closer it gets to dealing with certain things.. the more push back I get from this 'sabotage'.
For 2 nights in a row, I had this very distinct feeling that something big was shifting, in an altered state that I can't explain but I know it was from PM. And each time this sabotage come up and lessened it.
I had toastmasters 2 nights ago and I run the meeting. Another pattern I get is that i'll be feeling confident and feeling shifts from whatever i'm listening to, and then when i'm driving somewhere this sabotage will come up alot and lessen it several times. I still went to toastmasters and it went pretty well, I enjoy being in that position where i'm taking responsibility and leadership for the group and running it. I'm feeling like PM is increasing some of that for me.
Also a cool thing that I attribute to PM helping me to improve my workouts and get back into progressive overload, plus possibly increased testosterone and maybe the mental aspect, I don't know.. but it's doing something. I've noticed slightly in the mirror I look a bit different, not heaps but a bit. Anyway, a guy after toastmasters who has known me for ages and only said it now said "Have your arms always been this jacked or have I just not been paying attention?".
Good sign, I always have also found it difficult to notice my own physical shifts.. and I know when someone else comments it means it's more than I thought it was and I look forward to that continuing. Also when it comes to doing my workouts it's flowing more, I just go and do it without having to push myself to most of the time.
Though after this I was thinking about how good it was and feeling good, then sabotage and other shit was coming up against it trying to bring that down.
Yesterday down the street I feel I had some more masculine vibe kick in. I seen cop lights and went to have a look, some dude getting arrested, I seen a guy I know walk past so stood there and talked to him, several girls walked past and I felt some kind of vibe from them.
Then I went into a shop that I don't think i've ever been into cos i'm not interested in the clothes but I had a feeling I should go in there. An older woman asked if I needed help, and a younger cute one said "how's it going" and the older one left, I ended up talking to the cute one and she was really happy to talk. I didn't necessarily feel 'inspired' by her, but the main thing is I think i'm a little more adjusted to these responses, but there's still an element of insecurity from me like "i'm distracting her from work, i'm taking up her time if I keep talking to her" but the responses are evidence that they do definately want me to keep talking to them. I ended up leaving after a brief chat.
I went into another shop before that, seen a guy out the front who works there who I worked with years ago, chatted to him more than I think I ever have. And it was interesting he opened up about some crazy stuff that happened to him, like my vibe from PM made him open up more.
I've just done 2 extra nights on PM, as I had this strong urge to keep going instead of stopping after the 4 days for the rest days, it was almost like it was working on something and needed more, 2 nights ago which was the 1st extra night on it really felt like something big was shifting.. then last night I had the urge for one more night and listened.
And fuck.. the sabotage come up very strongly, in a slightly different way. I think I made a little progress on it before starting PM in that when it comes up I get less upset at it, but this time I got fucking annoyed, frustrated, pissed off. It was like I said it seems the more it's potentially hitting upon certain things the more this pushback.. it really seemed to fuck alot of my results up and really send me backwards. I woke up today feeling shit, tired, drained.. I was going to go somewhere but now my head is hurting.
So yesterday, a bit the day before I was feeling this increased masculine vibe building.. then last night when all that come up it feels like it just all disappeared. I'm fucking sick of this shit happening, but yes i'm recognizing as I write this that this has happened a couple of other times during PM, though this time I think it happened more strongly. And the last few times it's built back up again and results have got better after it's built back up.
Also I was starting to see a sense that at the start of PM I said what it seemed to be doing wasn't what I expected, wheras recently it seems to be getting into more of a 'masculine' vibe that I expected, maybe it was working through the other more 'soft' stuff as it's going towards what I want, still not sure.
At the start I had no interest in watching Andrew Tate, whereas i've been watching him again this week. Despite him going way too far into cockiness and going on about how good he is at everything, he's the strongest guy in the world and other stuff like he talks to you as if you're a peasant and he's the king of the world which ends up in some weird theories.. he is VERY much unapologetically masculine, confident, strong and secure in himself, and very much Alpha despite what guys who hate him try to say about him, i've noticed that all the guys who cry about him being 'insecure' and all the other nonsense they probably also try to throw at masculinity in general are the weak, pooncey type of men.
But the way his vibe is, his bodylanguage, walk, how he presents himself in general is spot on. I just don't like all the "you have to have all these sportscars and mansions" kind of stuff and I don't care about fancy cars, plus i'm noticing recently his "i'm the best in the world" attitude has got much stronger and sometimes I turn the videos off when he goes on about that too much. Still he's 1,000,000x a better role model for boys and men than the nonsense they are growing up with now.
Anyway, the last few days I was inspired to goto a certain thing today, but today I can't bring myself to.. plus also what's interesting is that it's raining and that seems to both match how i'm feeling and give me an excuse as it was an outside event.
And last night when this sabotage come up and derailed things, I got some chest tightness which seems to be combined with a fight and flight feeling and being unable to sleep. This was one of my symptoms I especially had years ago, and it could partly be explained that I forgot to do the thing that is helping to clear my chest of phlegm.. but it seems distinct that it come up straight after this sabotage happened and was very noticable.. wheras before that it wasn't so it points more to it being some kind of psychological/subconscious type fear response or something.
Right now, as a way of pointing it out to myself and since i'm in the middle of reading 'types of resistance' i'm currently having an attempted 'run away' response, aswell as the urge to go and use something else. This stuff all classically comes up when this sabotage comes up.
I don't actually expect this would happen but i'd love a 6g version of Primal Masculinity so I can better get through this shit.
For 2 nights in a row, I had this very distinct feeling that something big was shifting, in an altered state that I can't explain but I know it was from PM. And each time this sabotage come up and lessened it.
I had toastmasters 2 nights ago and I run the meeting. Another pattern I get is that i'll be feeling confident and feeling shifts from whatever i'm listening to, and then when i'm driving somewhere this sabotage will come up alot and lessen it several times. I still went to toastmasters and it went pretty well, I enjoy being in that position where i'm taking responsibility and leadership for the group and running it. I'm feeling like PM is increasing some of that for me.
Also a cool thing that I attribute to PM helping me to improve my workouts and get back into progressive overload, plus possibly increased testosterone and maybe the mental aspect, I don't know.. but it's doing something. I've noticed slightly in the mirror I look a bit different, not heaps but a bit. Anyway, a guy after toastmasters who has known me for ages and only said it now said "Have your arms always been this jacked or have I just not been paying attention?".
Good sign, I always have also found it difficult to notice my own physical shifts.. and I know when someone else comments it means it's more than I thought it was and I look forward to that continuing. Also when it comes to doing my workouts it's flowing more, I just go and do it without having to push myself to most of the time.
Though after this I was thinking about how good it was and feeling good, then sabotage and other shit was coming up against it trying to bring that down.
Yesterday down the street I feel I had some more masculine vibe kick in. I seen cop lights and went to have a look, some dude getting arrested, I seen a guy I know walk past so stood there and talked to him, several girls walked past and I felt some kind of vibe from them.
Then I went into a shop that I don't think i've ever been into cos i'm not interested in the clothes but I had a feeling I should go in there. An older woman asked if I needed help, and a younger cute one said "how's it going" and the older one left, I ended up talking to the cute one and she was really happy to talk. I didn't necessarily feel 'inspired' by her, but the main thing is I think i'm a little more adjusted to these responses, but there's still an element of insecurity from me like "i'm distracting her from work, i'm taking up her time if I keep talking to her" but the responses are evidence that they do definately want me to keep talking to them. I ended up leaving after a brief chat.
I went into another shop before that, seen a guy out the front who works there who I worked with years ago, chatted to him more than I think I ever have. And it was interesting he opened up about some crazy stuff that happened to him, like my vibe from PM made him open up more.
I've just done 2 extra nights on PM, as I had this strong urge to keep going instead of stopping after the 4 days for the rest days, it was almost like it was working on something and needed more, 2 nights ago which was the 1st extra night on it really felt like something big was shifting.. then last night I had the urge for one more night and listened.
And fuck.. the sabotage come up very strongly, in a slightly different way. I think I made a little progress on it before starting PM in that when it comes up I get less upset at it, but this time I got fucking annoyed, frustrated, pissed off. It was like I said it seems the more it's potentially hitting upon certain things the more this pushback.. it really seemed to fuck alot of my results up and really send me backwards. I woke up today feeling shit, tired, drained.. I was going to go somewhere but now my head is hurting.
So yesterday, a bit the day before I was feeling this increased masculine vibe building.. then last night when all that come up it feels like it just all disappeared. I'm fucking sick of this shit happening, but yes i'm recognizing as I write this that this has happened a couple of other times during PM, though this time I think it happened more strongly. And the last few times it's built back up again and results have got better after it's built back up.
Also I was starting to see a sense that at the start of PM I said what it seemed to be doing wasn't what I expected, wheras recently it seems to be getting into more of a 'masculine' vibe that I expected, maybe it was working through the other more 'soft' stuff as it's going towards what I want, still not sure.
At the start I had no interest in watching Andrew Tate, whereas i've been watching him again this week. Despite him going way too far into cockiness and going on about how good he is at everything, he's the strongest guy in the world and other stuff like he talks to you as if you're a peasant and he's the king of the world which ends up in some weird theories.. he is VERY much unapologetically masculine, confident, strong and secure in himself, and very much Alpha despite what guys who hate him try to say about him, i've noticed that all the guys who cry about him being 'insecure' and all the other nonsense they probably also try to throw at masculinity in general are the weak, pooncey type of men.
But the way his vibe is, his bodylanguage, walk, how he presents himself in general is spot on. I just don't like all the "you have to have all these sportscars and mansions" kind of stuff and I don't care about fancy cars, plus i'm noticing recently his "i'm the best in the world" attitude has got much stronger and sometimes I turn the videos off when he goes on about that too much. Still he's 1,000,000x a better role model for boys and men than the nonsense they are growing up with now.
Anyway, the last few days I was inspired to goto a certain thing today, but today I can't bring myself to.. plus also what's interesting is that it's raining and that seems to both match how i'm feeling and give me an excuse as it was an outside event.
And last night when this sabotage come up and derailed things, I got some chest tightness which seems to be combined with a fight and flight feeling and being unable to sleep. This was one of my symptoms I especially had years ago, and it could partly be explained that I forgot to do the thing that is helping to clear my chest of phlegm.. but it seems distinct that it come up straight after this sabotage happened and was very noticable.. wheras before that it wasn't so it points more to it being some kind of psychological/subconscious type fear response or something.
Right now, as a way of pointing it out to myself and since i'm in the middle of reading 'types of resistance' i'm currently having an attempted 'run away' response, aswell as the urge to go and use something else. This stuff all classically comes up when this sabotage comes up.
I don't actually expect this would happen but i'd love a 6g version of Primal Masculinity so I can better get through this shit.
