Life's Journey

[Life]

Feel like I have zero control. Don't know if thats a good thing or bad. Is bad good? is Nice bad? who the fuck knows. I find myself when thinking about my lover, growing in a direction which I haven't been familiar with. For a very long time! going to the gym. being involved with life, wanting to volunteer etc. I used to think money bought happiness. we determine the value of things. I feel like I'm in no control. And me wanting to be alive, in the moment, tilts on the edge of depression. Imagine doing what you want when you want, the world revolving around your thought, being so confident that Shannon is the only one tht could possibly break it.

My mirror soul seems to have all my control mechanisms figured out, and she wants to get to know my behaviour more so she feels safe. I don't know it feels like a mirror soul. but how could someone find so many ways to get to know me so well. It seems like she lives my life through my eyes. Theres no secrets it's crazy to explain but makes me think she's more alpha than shannon balancing energies like who else is able to live through another person? It seems impossible. I don't focus on others nearly enough to even understand the phenomenon. does it have to do to with living vicariously through another? who knows. I understand why some men think i'm going crazy. Like shannons mirror soul I think she might be a bit sexist. AS if theres nothing to lose my playing this growth game being the man she wants but all i want to do is be me . I feel fucked up please engage me with your help