Let's bend some reality and muse randomly - DMSI 3.1

[Sanbosay]

And today I feel terrible. Tired of the world, myself, and everything in these two things. Thoughts of running away from the sub. Getting strong pangs of resentment towards women in general; that is very much unlike me! Also resentment towards myself for having wasted so many opportunities in my life. Ahh, it is so tiresome.

I'll think I'll stick to it nevertheless. Be it the gambler's fallacy, my usual obtuseness or actual will, I know not.

I think I'll do more loops today, don't know how many. I want this to break through.

EDIT

And now I'm all out crying. Jeebus.

EDIT II

Feeling slightly better now. Consciously, I do not really know what this is all about. This something deep in the subconscious, I think. Something seems to be playing out. Wish I had some guidance in all this.

Stay strong my man, this too shall pass in no time and continue to trust the process