06-06-2019, 03:01 PM
Hmmmm this subconscious fear is very deep. I didn't realize how deep. Just realized for the past few weeks I've had a low hum of anxiety and this internal sense of panic. Consequently all my decisions have been bad. Making decisions on life in the grips of fear is terrible. My perspective on life is completely biased. I didn't screw anything up badly. Just more so avoiding what needs to be done to move forward and be happy.
I think I've touched on this before but it's ironic that my response to relaxation and calm is fear. Almost as if I let my guard down something will blindside me and kick my ass. My life has followed a pattern of calm and then eruption, stability and instability, feeling good then feeling bad. So I'm really working on calming myself so I can accept LTU. I've found when I'm in the grips of panic or fear I immediately reject LTU because I need to escape and get somewhere "safe".
The more LTU starts to influence me, the more fear it triggers. If I don't control this fear I'm just going to end up spinning in circles.
I think I've touched on this before but it's ironic that my response to relaxation and calm is fear. Almost as if I let my guard down something will blindside me and kick my ass. My life has followed a pattern of calm and then eruption, stability and instability, feeling good then feeling bad. So I'm really working on calming myself so I can accept LTU. I've found when I'm in the grips of panic or fear I immediately reject LTU because I need to escape and get somewhere "safe".
The more LTU starts to influence me, the more fear it triggers. If I don't control this fear I'm just going to end up spinning in circles.
INFP
