03-02-2019, 03:13 PM
Had a dream last night about being in a house with my family and my parents back together. Why is this still bothering me? I'm 27, my parents got divorced when I was like 25. I was pretty much an adult, it shouldn't have shaken me that much.
I'm going through a lot of emotions right now with LTU. It's really hitting me that I'm not happy. And I'd convince myself I was happy in the most unhealthy way possible because I was too afraid of changing my life. The result is a lot of repressed stuff that's coming to the surface. One of my biggest flaws has been always caring too much about what others think. But it got to the point where I wouldn't want people to see me as anything other than happy and well adjusted. Anything else wasn't acceptable. It feels like I'm cracking and the facade is falling apart. What's left is the stuff I've been denying for a while now to make other people happy. It's messy and imperfect, far from the perfect controlled state of mind I've been holding onto for years. My first reaction is to control this emotional state, but that's what I've been doing for years now and it's just hurt me in the long run. Sure it momentarily allows me to get on with things, but it seriously messes things up in terms of emotional validation.
I'm going through a lot of emotions right now with LTU. It's really hitting me that I'm not happy. And I'd convince myself I was happy in the most unhealthy way possible because I was too afraid of changing my life. The result is a lot of repressed stuff that's coming to the surface. One of my biggest flaws has been always caring too much about what others think. But it got to the point where I wouldn't want people to see me as anything other than happy and well adjusted. Anything else wasn't acceptable. It feels like I'm cracking and the facade is falling apart. What's left is the stuff I've been denying for a while now to make other people happy. It's messy and imperfect, far from the perfect controlled state of mind I've been holding onto for years. My first reaction is to control this emotional state, but that's what I've been doing for years now and it's just hurt me in the long run. Sure it momentarily allows me to get on with things, but it seriously messes things up in terms of emotional validation.
INFP
