Journey to Being AwEsOmE

[dbzjakecake]

Day 10-
So for the weekend I was at my uncles house. Couldn't listen to the sub at all since it is setup in my own bedroom. So didn't listen for two day. Those days were horrible! The sense of deep depression and hopelessness came back and was really unbearable. My whole family got worried as to why I wasn't my upbeat, enthusiastic and loud self on Saturday. Sunday Morning I was given a surprise intervention by my parents, uncle, and aunts. They are seriously worried about me and wanted to know why I am like this. All of them are seriously worried and stressed out. I told them the story of when I first became depressed and how I tried getting out of it but couldn't. This is when the family decided I see a psychiatrist that day. After seeing them all cry in front of me, I agreed [i was refusing at first]. Saw the psychiatrist and told them how I felt and what is going on with me. My mother and uncle had a long list of all the behavioral changes they noticed from me in the past months which surprised me. With all that the doctor figured prescribing me a SSRI and Wellbutrin will fix me right up. I really don't want to take drugs. I don't believe in them and the side effects really suck. I have the prescription still and haven't gone to the pharmacy yet. Really don't want to.
Came back home last nite and listened to the the sub while sleeping and woke up refreshed and feeling much better! I think using the subs does wonders for me instead of using drugs.

[Duderino]

Day 10-
So for the weekend I was at my uncles house. Couldn't listen to the sub at all since it is setup in my own bedroom. So didn't listen for two day. Those days were horrible! The sense of deep depression and hopelessness came back and was really unbearable. My whole family got worried as to why I wasn't my upbeat, enthusiastic and loud self on Saturday. Sunday Morning I was given a surprise intervention by my parents, uncle, and aunts. They are seriously worried about me and wanted to know why I am like this. All of them are seriously worried and stressed out. I told them the story of when I first became depressed and how I tried getting out of it but couldn't. This is when the family decided I see a psychiatrist that day. After seeing them all cry in front of me, I agreed [i was refusing at first]. Saw the psychiatrist and told them how I felt and what is going on with me. My mother and uncle had a long list of all the behavioral changes they noticed from me in the past months which surprised me. With all that the doctor figured prescribing me a SSRI and Wellbutrin will fix me right up. I really don't want to take drugs. I don't believe in them and the side effects really suck. I have the prescription still and haven't gone to the pharmacy yet. Really don't want to.
Came back home last nite and listened to the the sub while sleeping and woke up refreshed and feeling much better! I think using the subs does wonders for me instead of using drugs.

Take a more natural approach.. Change your diet and take supplements.

Check out paleo diet. Consider taking zinc, magnesium and a vitamin d supplement.
Here is some link that might help
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/
http://chriskresser.com/depression

Also stop watching porn.

http://yourbrainonporn.com/

[dbzjakecake]

Hey Duderino
That is some solid advice.
I am already on a paleo diet. Been on it since August. Exercise everyday which includes cardio and lifting. I take supplements and those vitamins and minerals already. And I haven't watched porn since November or October, i think, Not sure. But Last year I know I viewed porn less than 10 times. Been taking steps to get myself out of depression.

[dbzjakecake]

Day 11-
Nothing to really say. Mood the same as it always is. Kept myself busy but always stuck inside my head. The only time I felt alive was when I worked out my chest and just felt powerful again. After the workout a sad love song kept playing over and over in my head. I tried watching TV shows but I wasn't entertained and became depressed again.
Everyday I'm just annoyed and pissed off at myself and what I'm going through.

[dbzjakecake]

Sleep is an issue for me, I'll look into L-Tryptophan but why did you say Non sub. What happens if you still use subs with the L-Tryptophan? I'll also go to the doctor and check my T levels. I have never checked that before.
Thanks for the advice yeah!
Day 12-
Man woke up with a major headache and a rough nite of sleeping. I think I had the speakers playing the ultrasound sub on too loud. Rough morning as usual dealing with depressive thoughts. Decided to go to a local bookstore and just browse. I haven't done that in years. It was good to pick up a book and just read a few pages. Spent two hours there and then went to a job interview. The drive there sucked. My mind was clouded and I was thinking I was going to fail. End up worrying for much that I start sweating like crazy. Had my interview and stayed as upbeat as I could've. The company had to be very desperate because they just hired me on the spot. I start my new job next week. This is a huge change for me and I don't know how I'm gonna do but at the same time I'm excited. After that went and did a great leg workout and felt great. Going to sleep tho was a problem again and I rolled around for a hour and half.

[dbzjakecake]

Thanks yeah!
I will train my mind hard
been looking into meditation and will start

[dbzjakecake]

Day 13 and Day 14 -
Completely different days for me. Been sleeping much later but sleeping deeper. Only getting around 7 hours of sleep but woke up each day feeling much more refreshed than usual. Depressive thoughts come and go but my mood isn't too effected by them anymore. Just a slight depressed state but bounce back from it in a minute. Noticing my negative thoughts are also lessening and my mind feels less fogged up with thoughts. Each day I felt more stable and comfortable in my surroundings. I just noticed I have been speaking to my family members with more of an angry tone. Don't know what up with that but will try to tone that down. Went out last nite and was myself around my friends. I'm Happy I'm feeling much better than two weeks ago!

[dbzjakecake]

Day 15,16,17 -

These days just go by. Way different from a month ago when each second seemed like an eternity. I been out more because I been bored alot more at home. Did random things like go to the library or random restaurants to eat. Sleep has been okay these days. Always wake up with a slight headache but I know this is due to the sub. Depressive thoughts and feelings are only in the mornings but once I get going they tend to go away. Less in my head. I worry less about my future as well. I feel more positive and don't feel that worthlessness anymore. I'm also content with feeling okay.
My family is always around because they are really worried about me but they don't have to be. They go above and beyond to make sure I'm doing right. Always making suggestions on stuff to do and checking up on my mood. I'm grateful for this but this gets annoying after awhile because it feels I can't have any alone time.

[dbzjakecake]

Day 18 -
Terrible day
Hate days like these.
Woke up feeling exhausted and way more depressed. Didn't feel like leaving the bed. I finally got up and got my day going. Depressed feelings became manageable and went to run some errands. Did that and went to the gym. Felt okay now and depressive feelings were minimal. Went out with a couple of friends like usual but this time I was fine for the first 30 minutes but as time went on I became depressed and it stayed the entire time. I tried talking more and meeting others but I couldn't shake it off. My friends were asking what happened and why I wasn't myself. I tried to have as much fun as I could but ended up just wanting to go home. I stayed the entire time and drove home disappointed in myself. I'm tired of being depressed!! It doesn't make sense why I should be

[dbzjakecake]

Day 19-
Not as bad but still torture. So woke up and didn't have a headache or fatigued feelings in the head. So that means I'm getting used to hearing the sub now. The day started with depressed feelings and they lasted all day. Sucked. I didn't go to the gym because I was too busy doing errands and because it was way too cold outside. Single digits is horrible. It was just a boring day.

Today reminded me of how important working out is for me. A good workout takes me out of my head and brings me back to my senses. I feel alive again and the rest of my day is good. I think I'll try working out after eating breakfast from now on so I get to feel good all day long. This will be tough because I'm not a morning person

[ImFreeman]

I'm not a morning person

That is a negative belief you need to take care of ASAP.

[dbzjakecake]

ImFreeman - I'm planning on getting rid of all my negative beliefs

Day 20-
A complete change from the days before. No depressive thoughts all day! Didn't wake up feeling sad. It was a pleasant surprise. Went on with my day and felt good all day. Was genuinely content all day and love it! Felt there was a light in my body that made me feel light all day. My workout was also a lot of fun. I felt like a little kid again in the playground while at the gym. This journey is a roller coaster and I know it forcing to grow.
Recently I have thinking about if I had a time machine what I would change in the past. This is just a stupid thought as I can't change anything and really don't wish to change anything. Also I been noticing I have looking in the mirror alot more. I realized I am insecure about how I look. I always find something I hate and wish I could magically change to how I want it to look. These thoughts are just really strange to me and never had them before. The Sub sure is bringing into light a lot about me I never knew about.

[dbzjakecake]

Day 21-
Another good day. Just had a weird dream that startled me. Don't remember it but I stayed up because I felt scared. Got out of bed a hour later. I was optimistic all day and felt good. Did some errands and made my weekly meals. Overall it was a good day until my parents arrived. They are getting annoying. I know they are trying to help but I feel better when I don't talk or mention anything about depression when I'm home. But thats the only thing that they ever want to talk about. They keep prying to find out what I'm hiding from them. I have yelled at them to stop mentioning it and just act normal but they can't. This just frustrates me. It totally ruined my time with them.
Once I went to the gym, I felt better. No one was there to bother me. Just put on my headphones and I was lost in my workout. My problems go away when I'm lifting and life becomes manageable. No worries, No thoughts, just my time to myself.

[dbzjakecake]

Days 21,22,23,24,25

So still have low moods and still not myself, but I'm able to get thru the day. I way more tired than usual. I felt like taking naps throughout the day. These days I was always out and about doing random things. Hung out everyday with family or friends. I had fun and would enjoy myself. There were moments where I was down and wanted to leave so I can be alone but I stuck with them and Just forced myself passed these moments. I met alot of new people as well and got along with all of them. At first I was pretty nervous and would stutter alot when I talked, but as the night went on, I found myself at ease and would speak freely. I received alot of remarks such as "i like this guy, he is very funny", "You are very cool" , and "I like your confidence". I sure didn't feel that way, but hey I'll accept the compliments with no complaints. These kinds of remarks made me realize that I am breaking out of this depression and slowly my true self is appearing. Lets keep this up