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+--- Thread: Journey to Being AwEsOmE (/Thread-Journey-to-Being-AwEsOmE)
Journey to Being AwEsOmE - dbzjakecake - 02-03-2015
Hey everyone, decided to make a journal of my experience with Emotional Pain Relief & Healing Aid.
Background story
High school was one of those losers that just stared at girls. Wishing I had one. College was able to talk to women and be friends with them. Made a solid social circle and one of the women ended up liking me. I never had a woman like me decided why not and jumped into a relationship with her. This lasted for two years and she dumped me. Mostly because I was so clingy and I made her my everything. I became seriously depressed. Everyday became a struggle. I didn't know how to create a social circle or get a girlfriend. I was filled with negativity and it grew til I was hopeless. For two years I was depressed because I was so alone. I applied to a grad school and got in. This change was the best thing in my life. I made friends and created a large social circle. Soon I wasn't depressed any longer and I became extremely happy. I was a way better person than before. I thought I was free from depression forever. I was wrong as I relapsed in Dec. 2013. I just looked at myself in the mirror and just thought ''i'm ugly'' and soon a waterfall of other negative thoughts flooded in and I soon fell into a panic and depression. I didn't know what to do. I have tried therapy and hypnosis but they didn't work. I still have a cloud of depression always around me. Nothing I found enjoyable creates joy anymore and it sucks. This led me to subliminals. I did Emotional Pain Relief & Healing Aid after a break up and it didn't seem to work. I jumped onto AM 6 and was really optimistic that this will be the key to bringing me back to my happy go lucky self but again it didn't seem to work and on stage 3 I experienced even a stronger depression that led me to suicidal thoughts. I couldn't sleep at all on some nights. All my friends are worried about me and noticed I'm really anti social and not happy. I decided to stop AM 6 as the suicidal thoughts were tormenting me and I felt like I lost my mind. I currently just feel sadness and numb feeling. For over a year I have been depressed, I am always in my head, and nothing I do seems to stop it. I really want to be happy and enjoy everything in life again. I know how I am when I'm happy and enjoying life and that's where I want to be again.
Decided to journal because that way I can keep track of my changes
day 1
Slept only 4 hours and just laid in bed for another four. my body was tried and couldn't move but my mind was racing thru so my thoughts and memories. Worked out and felt great afterwards. Had lunch with a friend and I was just completely depressed. Didn't enjoy it at all. Nothing depresses me more than once enjoyable things aren't enjoyable anymore.
RE: Journey to Being AwEsOmE - Leo1990 - 02-03-2015
Im not sure what to say. Other than I have been there. You gotta pull yourself up and out of your spiral. I think you need to find a life passion. Something that you work on that gives life to the things you do. Something that motivates you to success.
I wish the best of luck to you.
Take it one step at a time. How do you eat a whale? One bite at a time.
-Leo
RE: Journey to Being AwEsOmE - JackOfHearts - 02-04-2015
How much time did you listen to Ephra before AM6?
LTU could be a good choice for depression too though I think Ephra would be more gentle.
RE: Journey to Being AwEsOmE - dbzjakecake - 02-04-2015
LeoistheSun - Thanks for your words of wisdom. I am currently into bodybuilding and do that daily. My diet and workouts structure my days. I also like training other people as well and find joy in spreading the knowledge of fitness to everyone.
maniac360 - I only listened to Ephra for 70 days before I started AM 6. Reason I'm doing Ephra is because Shannon said, in another thread, to do it for 6 months if I was having difficulties with AM 6.
I was tempted to do LTU but I decided to follow Shannon's advice.
RE: Journey to Being AwEsOmE - dbzjakecake - 02-05-2015
Day 2 -
Man, what a rough day. Had a good nites sleep and just roamed the internet for a couple of hours. Left blah. Had lunch with a friend and she was worried about my mood change. I didn't want to tell her so it wouldn't worry her. Lunch was okay, Glad I wasn't depressed during it like the day before. But I became depressed later and was out of it for the next couple of hours. I just cleaned up my place and watched some shows to occupy myself. Didn't even go to the gym since I just felt like staying in my apt. Had Dinner with another friend and just let out all my sadness and thoughts. It was good to have her listen. Almost ended up crying
Later just hungout with a couple of friends and felt normal for the rest of the night
RE: Journey to Being AwEsOmE - dbzjakecake - 02-06-2015
Day 3-
A much better day, full night of sleep. Workout went really well. Had lunch with a friend and it went well. Then watched some tv. Pretty Chill and I felt fine. Later had dinner with many friends and that is when I felt depressed again. I wasn't myself so others got worried. I got many comments of ''Why you look so sad?'' or "what seems to be bothering you''. I don't like being sad among company so I said "I'm tired from my morning workout'' and just acted content. After dinner just hung out and that was the night.
Before going to sleep I thought about my ex alot. For the past 6 months she always been on my mind and it annoys me and makes me more depressed but last nite it was way more intense. I felt inadequate and just felt like a loser. It feels like I need her in my life, but I KNOW that that isn't the case at all. These emotions just messing with me too much
RE: Journey to Being AwEsOmE - dbzjakecake - 02-07-2015
Day 4-
Woke up really sad and stayed sad for the majority of the day. Also Felt bored the majority of the day. Still stuck inside my head and filled with so much negativity. Went out with a friend and just talked. Time flew by and I couldn't believe it. Went to the mall to shop for stuff and didn't feel any anxiety at all! Been dealing with that for the past two months and feels good to not experience that feeling. Then at night went to dinner with my sister and it was nice.
Going to sleep tho was a whole different story. I had the same repeating memories that have been bothering me for weeks. I dreamt about my ex again. She was yelling at me to "Become a Man'', ''Take responsibility for your actions'', and ''You screwed up''. I woke up feeling terrible and feeling hopeless again.
RE: Journey to Being AwEsOmE - dbzjakecake - 02-08-2015
Day 5-
Boring day, not much to say. Still same old thoughts and feelings
RE: Journey to Being AwEsOmE - Ricardo - 02-08-2015
Welcome to the forum. We're all here to improve our lot and doing journals is very helpful to everyone. I think you made the right choice with EPRHA. You have to use these subs for their minimum time to get the best out of them. Good luck.
RE: Journey to Being AwEsOmE - dbzjakecake - 02-09-2015
Thanks Ricardo
Day 6-
What a shitty day. Felt restless the entire day. Thoughts of my ex kept me running thru my head. This pissed me off and I was easily agitated the whole day. Tried keeping busy with doing random errands and watching tv but it didn't help. Days like these make me feel hopeless
RE: Journey to Being AwEsOmE - Superman - 02-09-2015
(02-09-2015, 07:03 PM)dbzjakecake Wrote: Thanks Ricardo
Day 6-
What a shitty day. Felt restless the entire day. Thoughts of my ex kept me running thru my head. This pissed me off and I was easily agitated the whole day. Tried keeping busy with doing random errands and watching tv but it didn't help. Days like these make me feel hopeless
I know how you feel, I'm literally feeling the same way
RE: Journey to Being AwEsOmE - dbzjakecake - 02-10-2015
Superman, we can overcome our troubles and become stronger people. I know this process takes time. Its just really rough. Just have to let the subs do their thing.
Day 7-
A better day. The feelings from the day before were gone. I was no longer easily agitated and was mostly relaxed. I was filled with hope that I can get thru this obstacle. I worked out and kept myself busy the rest of the day and I felt content with life.
RE: Journey to Being AwEsOmE - dbzjakecake - 02-11-2015
thanks for the support yeah!
Day 8-
A weird day. Started off terrible and just felt like staying in bed but finally got myself out. Did a short run to get my body moving. Felt good afterwards but by mid day started feeling depressed again. Same old thoughts and feelings. Annoyed me. I had a friend's birthday dinner planned at night but because of the way I felt I didn't want to go. I was afraid of meeting like 20 new people, I only knew the birthday boy. When I'm depressed and filled with anxiety, I am usually quiet and act weird. I stutter and have alot of nervous ticks. Anyway I said "fuck it!" and ended up going. I didn't care how I felt and what my mind was saying to me. Was the last one in the restaurant and saw all these people. Just introduced myself to one and BOOM started talking to everyone. No nervousness or stuttering. Everyone liked me and we had a great dinner. Already got invited to hangout with this group later. After dinner went to workout legs and had a good workout. Felt good about myself and felt great.
RE: Journey to Being AwEsOmE - dbzjakecake - 02-12-2015
Day 9-
Had a real hard time going to sleep. Took me 4 hours to go to sleep. But when I did, it was one of the best sleeps I had in awhile. Woke up and it was already noon! I was shocked. That fucked up my morning. Battled thru the depression again and forced myself to move throughout the day. Depression got worse while I was driving around doing errands. Then out of no where, I sat down and started looking up jobs on my laptop and applied to many of them. I was so focused on that that my mood elevated I didn't have any depressive thoughts the entire time. The rest of the night I was good. Went to the gym to do back and met some new people. The rest of the night just searched for more opportunities.