Journey to Being AwEsOmE

[dbzjakecake]

Today has been weird. Just so emotional all the time. It makes no sense. A friend came to hangout and I wasn't enjoying it and thought it was a waste of time. That never happens. I love hanging out with my friends so this was upsetting. Then a good friend of mine didn't reply back to a text I sent. For some reason I had the urge to blow up on their face for not replying back fast enough. I have never felt this way before and it makes no sense. My thoughts and feeling are so incongruent to how I actually am.

[dbzjakecake]

Today has been another emotional roller coaster ride. I didn't feel like eating anything and didn't even want to go to the gym. I actually wanted to do work and not procrastinate on it. And anything that got in the way of that, I just got annoyed at. This is something new and have never been like that. I actually want to work!

[dbzjakecake]

Today started off great. Felt great and overall happy. Was social and felt solid. Then when it became dark outside my mood changed and I was back to being depressive and not enjoying my time. I ate such a great dinner and watched a good movie but the entire time I was miserable. I really want to escape this hell hole I'm in. Im letting the sub do its thing and I hope one day I can get over this.

[dbzjakecake]

My mind is going crazy! It keeps on going on and on about random things in my life. I feel I have this uncontrollable resentment towards the world. I have been giving attitude to my friends and family and this seriously isn't me. I don't know what this sub is doing but it making me a way different person.

[dbzjakecake]

Today was an interesting day. Was in my head the entire time. So much negativity and so many old memories I forgot about. I went through the day just very miserable. I had enough and messaged my friend so we could talk. I talked about what was bothering me to him. This is something I never do but I was pushed to the brink and had to do it. I'm glad I did as it gave me an outlet to release all this worry and pent up feelings.

[dbzjakecake]

Again just meh. Woke up early in the morning feeling really anxious. Always thinking about life. Thoughts of how I have failed and suicidal thoughts keep running through my mind all day. This don't effect me. They are just always around. Come and go. I have no motivation to do anything. Like I'm hungry right now but I'm too lazy to go up and make something to eat. I am glued to my laptop and just scroll through random sites here.
I'm jealous of people who are happy and enjoying their lives. I wish I could be like that.

[dbzjakecake]

No clue what the sub is doing. I feel just as miserable and depressed as I started this sub. I feel this hopelessness and low self worth. Im so emotional over everything. It makes no sense. Past events keep popping up in my mind about how I used to do things. Not really enjoying anything I do. A bunch of negativity keeps bringing me down. And also anger and resentment towards my friends. I have this urge to stop E2 and do LTU. I'm fed up with life right now.

[dbzjakecake]

Hello everyone,
I ended E2 at the end of January as I wasn't getting any better and life was miserable. I switched to LTU on February 1st and I'm so happy I did. Its been a month and a half and so many things have changed for the better. First, Life is great again! I'm not super crazy happy but content with life and filled with hope again. My interactions with people aren't so boring. They are open and genuine. No anxiety or panic feelings have come up. My family isn't worried about how my moods anymore and notice me being happier. I have made new friends and strengthen many old relationships. I'm back to loving to socialize and being fun. Also I'm back to being good with women. I no longer have this anger towards them. I genuinely love women and it shows. Currently talking to multiple women but not ready to commit to any type of relationship. Also have some women pursuing me. Back to taking care of myself. Working out and eating a healthy diet. Overall just living life and loving it.
This is all from just a month and half of LTU! I'm planning to listen to this forever!