Jennie's Journal with Emotional Pain Relief and Healing Aid

[jennielee]

Day 29: my sunburn hurts less this morning, and my muscles hurt more. I tossed and turned all night due to physical pain. I feel remarkably different. Like the emotional weight is off of my shoulders. I am no longer doing things out of fear, but rather out of the lack of fear. A few months ago i would have been too scared to do the right thing and try to help someone who didnt want it. I know i dont ned anyone but myself and that feels good. I can say what i have to say because im not afraid to end up alone. Id far rather be in trouble over doing the right thing than to sit back and do nothing. I am still shaking my head at yesterday's events.. i dont understand why he was afraid to listen. He should have known better that i wasnt there to try to hurt him. I wont ever hurt him so he has no worries there. I mean i took a 5 mile walk the other day just because i knew he had company and decided that confronting him with company over would have hurt him, so i waited. He thinks he knows it all, but we cant know everything. We all are in a state of learning. Sometimes the source of that knowledge is where you least expect it. Well all i can hope for now is that he reads my texts and actually thinks about them and takes them to heart. I did what i did because i loved him, but right now my love is a gift because he certainly doesnt deserve it after all this. I dont plan on waiting for him to come back either. If its meant to be then it will be, if its not then it wont. One day he will understand what its like to be loved unconditionally. Maybe he will learn to love unconditionally too instead of if you follow the rules then ill love you. Anyway i have to hunt for a product code i wont be able to get from him so it looks like im getting on the phone for a bit before i go to the park today.