Jake's UMOP - CLOSED!

[Jake2015]

I see you're already self sabotaging.

I got the 5 loops in however and going to persist. Hopefully this will work.

Also I have felt a little bit more motivated. It's more a feeling for now and very subtle/mild. I sense I can do everything I want however this could simply be an illusion due to me knowing I am flying back tomorrow and thus easier to feel I'll do things which though will be tested once I'm finally there.

Today's goals: complete my packing.

[Jake2015]

Update: packing done.

Earliest I've ever done it and quickest I think too.

[Jake2015]

Day 20 - Saturday 6th Oct 2018
(Time:4am on 7Oct) - (Cycle 3 - Day2 - Start of 5 Loops)


(Some Epiphanies at the end.)


Friday evening ate, stayed awake till 6am flight on 6th. Didnt have 5-6hours at all to listen to the 5loops as yet.

Landed in Europe around 12pm - got to apartment, unpacked, friend came over, chilled, went out for coffee.

Tired from no sleep and didnt eat.

6pm fell asleep and played 5 loops

Woke around midnight and now its 4.50am as I type this.

I ate and from listening to the 5 loops (via my A2+ Audioengine speakers) I dont feel any different.



Some interesting Epiphanies:

1) So I have been watching/binging on some episodes of supernatural. In 1 particular episode, they made it very much closer to a horror film than normal. In the episode there was a man in a mask, a ghost that emerged and disappeared tormenting a young high schoolboy. The mask nor the man himself scared me but a thought occured to me due to what happened to the boy and it seriously woke every single goosebump I had and send shivers through me so I knew I had to report it for @Shannon

The boy was paralysed with fear and couldnt shout. He couldnt call out for help. He just couldnt do it. I have imagined this fear many many times growing up. I say imagined because I dont believe I have IRL been in a situation like this or I dont remember but I have both dreamt myself many times in these kind of scenarious and often I have as a teen imagined how embarassed I would feel being in a fight and unable to perform to survive. I mean as a teen I would often imagine myself as the saviour/hero of my own story and fantasy and other times imagine if I was fighting the class bully etc how I would do it yet I often felt that I would be embarassed. Doesnt make sense and now I feel im combining 2 different things here, 1 of the fearful inability to call out and now 1 of social embarassment at how silly I would look fighting. The latter has come now simply from typing the former lol

Anyway these goosebumps I felt brought all this back to me.


2) On the plane, I dont know why or at what point but I realised a fear that I have of studying stems or MUST stem from (after some automatic, sudden, self analysis that I didnt consciously do) a lack of belief that I can study and learn material. A belief that no matter how much I will read words on a page I simply wont remember it.

This is bizarre since I consciously believe that I am clever and everyone around me can see my intelligence. Many have and still do show me in compliments or body language how they see my intellect and wisdom and so do I or so I believe.

On the plane I was sleeping for most of the trip, in and out of sleep so im assuming my subC was more able to speak to me - im really speculating here for I dont really know if this is all the case or simply me trying to rationalise what was perhaps nothing but im sharing as usual for @Shannon .

So on the plane, at some point I thought back to when during the age of 15 I was doing the final exams at school for that year and how that was the year I made some real effort to study. Nevertheless even after doing what I thought was "studying" I did improve considerably but not all the way to the top as I should have done or rather the expectation I had of myself based upon what I felt was a high increase in time and effort spent on reading.

On the plane, I figured out that if I stopped myself from trying (not consciously but subC via fear which always reared its head as procrastination) then the fear itself must be that I must obviously subC belief I cannot study, cannot learn, cannot retain information, am a poor student etc.

I dont know if this is UMOP 5loops, or if its UMOP 1 loop or neither and its simply me having random thoughts or specific realisations but im sharing.


C) I also know that 1 area where I MUST have learnt to put high expectations upon myself as well as perhaps where some of my perfectionism comes from is from a scene in the movie The Young Sherlock Holmes. It was a movie I saw as a kid and the scene was in which holmes is about to smash his violin, because he believed he should have mastered the musical instrument already within a very short space of time. I loved that movie because growing up I believed I was just as intelligent as him, and I also loved thrillers and mind teasing puzzles and detective movies because I loved to also be intelligent to try and solve the mystery from the clues (which I rarely did lol). Im sharing this because again whilst typing this point C, came to mind. Im sharing the scene so you can watch and see what I mean.

I also loved the film because like back to the future, there were elements as a young boy I just didnt understand/get and thus would watch to know because I wanted to learn. I hated to be known as the young niave innocent boy, i wanted to be the clever smart savvy boy instead.

Heres the scene: (refresh the page if you dont see it - sometimes its not loaded up but I have added it in the space below this sentence).



Time is now 5.11am, at some point I will head back to sleep and will get the 5 loops for Sunday 7th October during the sleep.

Thank you.

Edit: ps: I want to apologise in advance if what I wrote above made little sense to @Shannon or others. It isnt easy to know how to express clearly what I want to nor what to share anonymously as well as share what is relevant to what may be deemed irrelevant. But I hope this all helps.

Another Quick Edit: Not sure how relevant this is but my sex drive seems to have reduced alot before 5 loops too. It could be UMOP 1 loop or maybe not but again sharing for @Shannon

[Shannon]

You seem to be describing your subconscious communicating to your conscious WHY you procrastinate where and when you do, at least concerning studying. This would be a response to giving it the right amount of loops to start making progress, 5 a day being the minimum.

Personality types with a very strong will frequently have such a strong will because they have one or more very polar components to them. Polar components tend to think in absolutes: "If it's not X, it's -(X)."

We of course know that rainbows are not composed of black and white, or even red and green, or even just two colors at all. There are very few real binary absolutes in the world.

When you studied and did not achieve what you expected to achieve in an earlier grade, your polar thinking went from, "I'm smart and I can do anything" to "I simply cannot remember anything, no matter what I do." and as you say, this was based in a fear, which was a fear most likely of something else: not being good enough.

It sounds like you have been running on a belief that goes like this: "I want to be smart, and have others acknowledge that. If I am so smart, I should be able to study and achieve top marks. Since I studied and did not achieve top marks, I must be incapable of really remembering things when I study. Maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was. Maybe I'm not good enough. If I refuse to study, I can always have an excuse for why I didn't do well if I do poorly, which will preserve my reputation for being smart, and make me feel better about myself."

Now that you know what the underlying reasons for the procrastination are, you can work them out and release them, replace them with beliefs that result in overcoming procrastination and achieving success, instead.

[Jake2015]

You seem to be describing your subconscious communicating to your conscious WHY you procrastinate where and when you do, at least concerning studying. This would be a response to giving it the right amount of loops to start making progress, 5 a day being the minimum.

Personality types with a very strong will frequently have such a strong will because they have one or more very polar components to them. Polar components tend to think in absolutes: "If it's not X, it's -(X)."

We of course know that rainbows are not composed of black and white, or even red and green, or even just two colors at all. There are very few real binary absolutes in the world.

When you studied and did not achieve what you expected to achieve in an earlier grade, your polar thinking went from, "I'm smart and I can do anything" to "I simply cannot remember anything, no matter what I do." and as you say, this was based in a fear, which was a fear most likely of something else: not being good enough.

It sounds like you have been running on a belief that goes like this: "I want to be smart, and have others acknowledge that. If I am so smart, I should be able to study and achieve top marks. Since I studied and did not achieve top marks, I must be incapable of really remembering things when I study. Maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was. Maybe I'm not good enough. If I refuse to study, I can always have an excuse for why I didn't do well if I do poorly, which will preserve my reputation for being smart, and make me feel better about myself."

Now that you know what the underlying reasons for the procrastination are, you can work them out and release them, replace them with beliefs that result in overcoming procrastination and achieving success, instead.

Thank you @Shannon

1)So maintain 5 loops or increase?

2)And how do I do the later you said :

Now that you know what the underlying reasons for the procrastination are, you can work them out and release them, replace them with beliefs that result in overcoming procrastination and achieving success, instead.

3) does this help you with sub tech going forward?

I'll keep my updates going as usual and share all I can.

Appreciate it buddy! Thanks!

[Shannon]

Stay with 5 loops. I didn't model increase.

Yes, it does help. Understanding the how and why always helps, thank you.

[Jake2015]

Day 21 - Sunday 7th Oct 2018
(Time:7.50pm on 7Oct) - (Cycle 3 - Day3 - Start of 5 Loops)

I got to bed around 5am or 6am but I got a message on Tinder so replied and then got another.

we got into a conversation and it was a girl here in europe.

I got into bed realised I was tired AF to continue with txting so just asked for her number and we stayed on the phone for 3-4 hours because from normal chat we talked about sex, open relationships, fantasies etc.

I finally got to sleep at 11am which is when I pressed play on the 5loops.

I woke within 50mins of the 5th/last loop ending and eventually got out of bed after it had ended.

Since being awake I have had a headache which is still there. It could be the loops, could be the messed u sleep and travel or who knows what.

Anyway I had breakfast, and watched some more supernatural episodes as I ate and now even though I feel I should put away the remainder of the unpacking, I just feel tired, sluggish, lazy, headache, and tired.

I will make a cup of tea, have a nice sweet chocolate bar to go with it and then see how I feel.

I should however aim to sleep earlier as I need to be up early tomorrow to go to the bank.

I also broke my weeks of no fap, no idea how long it has been but im guessing around 3 weeks which wasnt something planned, I spoke about it in my previous posts about how I seem to have lost my sex drive. Anyway even though I was tired, I was somewhat horny after speaking to this girl so had to fap one out for queen and country lol and then I fell asleep at 11am as per above.

[Hatman]

Hi Jake, I want to share some of my mental strategies I've been coming up with to combat procrastination and taking actions you fear. These may or may not work for you as I believe that there are really no concrete 'rules' inside your head space. You create the rules.

First, try to talk to your past self. Talk to him as you would talk to another person, but just in your head. Tell him that he doesn't have to do anything if he doesn't want to, and that you, the current self, will take care of whatever needs to be done. And that all you need from all of your past self is their encouragement. That's all he/they has to do.

I've tested this when doing things I fear, and it seemed to really help.

Second, you may have to accept the fact that you're going to feel very uncomfortable for a good two minutes when you first start a task you've been dreading or putting off. After getting through the mental "cloud" as I call it, you may start getting into it and even feel good doing it!

Lastly, please watch this. This guy has been studying procrastination for pretty much his whole professional life.



Well, I hope this helps at least a little bit!

[Jake2015]

Hi Jake, I want to share some of my mental strategies I've been coming up with to combat procrastination and taking actions you fear. These may or may not work for you as I believe that there are really no concrete 'rules' inside your head space. You create the rules.

First, try to talk to your past self. Talk to him as you would talk to another person, but just in your head. Tell him that he doesn't have to do anything if he doesn't want to, and that you, the current self, will take care of whatever needs to be done. And that all you need from all of your past self is their encouragement. That's all he/they has to do.

I've tested this when doing things I fear, and it seemed to really help.

Second, you may have to accept the fact that you're going to feel very uncomfortable for a good two minutes when you first start a task you've been dreading or putting off. After getting through the mental "cloud" as I call it, you may start getting into it and even feel good doing it!

Lastly, please watch this. This guy has been studying procrastination for pretty much his whole professional life.



Well, I hope this helps at least a little bit!

@Hatman This is awesome and I REALLY appreciate it!! Thank you so much!! I will try my very best to incorporate this and not procrastinate on this.

I realised whilst reading your reply that I also do lack motivation at times. This is a wave, it comes and goes, however the procrastination I feel is the overall result and trend and I just had this epiphany now so ill let @Shannon see this hopefully.

[Jake2015]

Update:

Besides the epiphany I just had whilst replying to @Hatman above which I hope @Shannon will see incase it helps I have this update to provide.

My landlord is coming tomorrow to my apartment at 1pm.

Due to this I know now I have to clean up, tidy up, and put away the rest of my packing.

I have made my cup of tea and will enjoy it then get up to work.

This is my usual trend that I want to share as data for @Shannon and all which is that I am lazy or unmotivated until a deadline or a need arises for me to get into action. So as you will read from my first entry of today to now this is the case again which I hope UMOP will help with.

Besides this no difference yet overall. - thank you

[Jake2015]

Update 2:

12.02am - my story so far.

So for some reason, perhaps due to a messed up sleep cycle due to my flight etc i have been sluggish and slow and lazy and had a headache too as you know.

I ended up doing my dishes which was great and then watching youtube videos as I took a break which I then shared in the chatterbox area regarding whether looks actually count to women or not.

I then went back to putting away my clothes etc that I had unpacked and left around.

This was done and everything seems ready for when my landlord comes tomorrow.

Even though I have done all this in an unfocused way, rather lazily and without much motivation it did get done however this is still the normal way I do things it seems.

There is a lack of overall focus UNTIL I start and get on with the task at hand and then that focus comes and goes as a wave during the said task - atleast it did today.

I have no just to get ready to shave and shower and my day will be complete.

I have to wake up early after my 5loops are in overnight to go to the bank and then get back ready for my landlady.

[Jake2015]

Day 22 - Monday 8th Oct 2018
(Time:1.44pm on 7Oct) - (Cycle 3 - Day4 - Start of 5 Loops)

Slept very late again around 4am - but listened to 5 loops and woke up 6hours later at 11am.

The goal today was to get to the bank around 9am, obviously that had to change so the new goal was to get to the bank around 11.30am and be back in time for my landlord to come at 1pm with some workmen.

Didnt get to the bank. By the time I woke which was quick I needed longer in the bathroom than usual so realised the bank was a no-go today and will go tomorrow with my friend as hes going.

1pm: landlord came and left and the workmen are here.

Overall so far after 4 days there is no change in noticed by me but im hoping that these 5 loops produce something in the next 3months.

I still do wonder what it was in 3.2 that caused me to stop fapping so easily, so effortlessly with only 1 loop and if that can be or has be considered by @Shannon as that is a big clue towards my success with these subs I think.

thanks

[Kol]

As someone who runs 3.2, 1 loop doesnt go as deep as higher loops. It digs deep. Similar to starting the loops positively, only to progress and hit the resistant parts

[Jake2015]

As someone who runs 3.2, 1 loop doesnt go as deep as higher loops. It digs deep. Similar to starting the loops positively, only to progress and hit the resistant parts

Ah I see thank for that @Kol only thing was as soon as I did more than 1 loop I saw no effect. The only difference was that 1 loop was with headphones and the multiple loops was with speakers.