**Jake's Overcoming Fear v.2 5.75.5G Journal**

[Jake2015]

Thursday 28 Jan - Day 2 of cycle 4 - 12/15

[Jake2015]

Friday 29 Jan - Day 3 of cycle 4 - 12/15 volume - US Track

I recall I had I think 1 or 2 dreams. I dont think they were bad, maybe 1 was borderline uncomfortable but I dont recall the dreams.

As usual for those of you that have been following me, I only become aware that I had a dream is if im woken during sleep which was the case for me lastnight to have a bathroom break. So I cannot be sure these dreams are OF related or due to as dreams are a natural course of ones sleep and ive had dreams even in the past.

I just hope this sub works for me.

[Jake2015]

Friday 29 Jan - Day 3 of cycle 4 - 12/15 volume - US Track
continued...

The fear of studying, the realisation that I do not focus for long when it comes to studying and the apprehension to study is all the more clear and apparent and still there.

Is this fear because the work is hard? the work is percieved hard? or the time it takes will be too long and take me away from fun? or that I will take forever and not achieve much? I dont know.

Consciously I dont want this and subconsciously the fear is very strong and over-powering

If OF is working for me I wonder where?

[AriGold]

Just continue using it, don't look too much for outcome/fear reducing every moment. Just go with the flow, trust the process and don't look for an outcome for the next 4-6 weeks.

[Jake2015]

Just continue using it, don't look too much for outcome/fear reducing every moment. Just go with the flow, trust the process and don't look for an outcome for the next 4-6 weeks.

ok ill try my best to do that AriGold, appreciate the response - thank you!

[Shannon]

The secret to success is using the program at the right volume and loops per day, days on, days off, etc.

It's going to take time to work through these options and find the optimal one for each. You're working on finding the optimal volume right now. Be patient. You can find it if you do.

One of the things your fearful self is doing is trying to express more fear in an effort to keep itself dominant. That only means that it doesn't understand what's really going on, and it's afraid to be unafraid because it thinks fear is keeping it (and you) safe from something. It does not understand logic.

When you find the right volume, you're going to see the best execution. Once you know what that volume is, we can either let that play out for a while and then see about adjusting it and trying to find a new optimal volume, or we can try to adjust loops per day.

In the mean time, remember that this fearful part of you is like a very young child, and has very limited understanding of what's going on.

You have doubtless read the posts and journals of those for whom OF v2 is working extremely well. Some of them started off much like you. They found the right set of usage variables, and it took hold.

It sounds possible, based on what I have seen, that the fearful part of you is afraid of learning because if you learn, then you'll graduate, and if you graduate, you have to face the big scary unknown world after that. What do you think?

[Jake2015]

The secret to success is using the program at the right volume and loops per day, days on, days off, etc.  

It's going to take time to work through these options and find the optimal one for each.  You're working on finding the optimal volume right now.  Be patient.  You can find it if you do.  

One of the things your fearful self is doing is trying to express more fear in an effort to keep itself dominant.  That only means that it doesn't understand what's really going on, and it's afraid to be unafraid because it thinks fear is keeping it (and you) safe from something.  It does not understand logic.

When you find the right volume, you're going to see the best execution.  Once you know what that volume is, we can either let that play out for a while and then see about adjusting it and trying to find a new optimal volume, or we can try to adjust loops per day.

In the mean time, remember that this fearful part of you is like a very young child, and has very limited understanding of what's going on.

You have doubtless read the posts and journals of those for whom OF v2 is working extremely well.  Some of them started off much like you.  They found the right set of usage variables, and it took hold.  

It sounds possible, based on what I have seen, that the fearful part of you is afraid of learning because if you learn, then you'll graduate, and if you graduate, you have to face the big scary unknown world after that.  What do you think?

Thank you for replying @Shannon and sorry for the late reply.

I think you're a genius mate! All you've said gives me hope, cant wait to find that sweet volume and number of loops and days etc I really cant cos im fed up of living a fear full, procrastinating life. I can achieve so much I have the intelligence and the potential but I keep stopping at the first hurdle all the time.

The hypothesis you suggested at the end does make sense to me because I feel like im still an 18 year old inside. I havent progressed since that age and so I think what you said does make sense.

Why or why am I like this? What on earth happened to me to become like this? I have no clue no idea at all. I dont like who I am right now and thats why im optimistic with your help we can really turn this around for me. I really hope that when we find that sweet spot for this sub that I really do release all these fears within.

Thanks Shannon! Just stick with me on this one please! I need all the support I can get!

[Jake2015]

Friday 29 Jan - Day 3 of cycle 4 - 12/15 volume - US Track
Saturday 30 Jan - Day 4 of cycle 4 - 12/15
Sunday 31 Jan - Day 5 of cycle 4 - 12/15
Monday 1st Feb - Day 6 of cycle 4 - 12/15

So far not sure what I can share, not really aware of any changes. My sleep is alot better the cycle is almost recorrected and fixed but this has been due to uni webinars being at 8am causing me to fix up, as well as family finally realising that they need to support me and so allowing me to sleep early and wake early etc. Ridiculous as it sounds being at home as been more challenging to productivity than bliss.

Other than this im trying to push with getting more productive with stuff for uni but im still procrastinating or losing focus so not there as yet.

Tomorrow is my 1 day break and then ill reduce the volume again for cycle 4.

1 month on this sub is almost done. the first month.

[Jake2015]

Tuesday 2 Feb - Day 7 of cycle 4 - 12/15 - today is 1 day break

I felt maybe a little less stressed today, more relaxed and calmer. It could just be the way the day is or OF so lets see.

Tomorrow will be 11/15 volume and 5th cycle.

***1st month completed***

[Jake2015]

Wednesday 3 Feb - Day 1 of cycle 5 - 11/15 volume

So my sleep has got better. As you know im at uni, a mature student and im back at home now cos of the pandemic. I have to attend morning online class at 8am. This has enabled me to fix my sleep cycle A LOT and this without the family getting in my way. I therefore havent thought this to be OF.

Lastnight however I wasnt tired and I was having a nice sexy chat with a girl im getting to know so ended up staying awake longer than necessary and slept late. 1.30am approx. I normally have been sleeping from 7pm-9pm and waking between 4am-6am.

This lack of sleep may have affected me today or it could be OF. Im stating the context above first so going forward can see if it was which if either.

I didnt have the motivation to wake early though I could have. I rushed my bathroom duties and then got onto the webinar. I didnt eat any breakfast. I have been sipping on a 1 litre flask of water from the 8am class start time to 11.30am. I am now on an on online lecture. During this whole period I havent eaten nor had the desire to eat.

This is strange since I have every morning for the past 2 weeks atleast, have been extremely hungry in the morning and at times over eaten yet today a complete 180 degree turn. I have no idea why and this is very confusing. I did eat late and I did eat even though I wasnt hungry simply to make sure i wasnt hungry at night but now im just not hungry.
Once the lecture ends i will go down and eat irrespective of how I feel.

So appetite is the first note to make.

The second is my motivation and fear.

Today was the first day where I literally had ZERO motivation in the class. I literally spent all of the time on my phone. I would bounce on (we dont need our cameras on so mics are enough to say or ask anything) to make my presence known but other than this at random times I did nothing.

In this class the teacher asked us to perform a task, something that we would do regularly when working and I just couldnt do it. The class couldnt do it either since the teaching is rather sub par but my fear arose that I myself didnt know it and its me that I can only care about.

The fear grew in me that I know nothing or not enough.

After the class I tried to get motivated and I just couldnt. I had both lack of focus and concentration which seems to have begun from the start of class but also fear of not knowing where to look for the information that I need.

Im trying to get on with small tasks such as emails or little google searches here and there but instead im just not motivated and im unable to be productive.

I will go eat soon and hopefully that will reset me probably

[Jake2015]

Wednesday 3 Feb - Day 1 of cycle 5 - 11/15 volume

Woke today from less than ideal amount of sleep and been feeling sleepy all morning.

Yesterday had lost my apetite, today made some cereal, sat at class, then got more hungry and had a fry up ie fried eggs and toast

So apetite seems to be returning or back.

Less fear today of the future compared to yesterday but this is if you have read the previous post, about my profession after I graduate. I know so little I know so little due to studying so little due to fear and procrastination.

Are my fears and procrastination related no idea but just hope I find that sweet spot with this sub and we get executing - I cant wait ofcourse.

Other than this I have literally spent most of the morning chatting and wasting time :/

i consciously know what I want to do and have to do.... but subconsciously im being stopped and distracted.

I was so different as a child, super focused, and super eager to do well.... what the fuck happened to me!

[Jake2015]

Wednesday 3 Feb - Day 1 of cycle 5 - 11/15 volume
Thursday 4 Feb - Day 2 of cycle 5 - 11/15 volume
Friday 5 Feb - Day 3 of cycle 5 - 11/15 volume
Saturday 6 Feb - Day 4 of cycle 5 - 11/15 volume
Sunday 7 Feb - Day 5 of cycle 5 - 11/15 volume
Monday 8 Feb - Day 6 of cycle 5 - 11/15 volume
Tuesday 9 Feb - Day 7 of cycle 5 - 11/15 volume - 1 day break

Wednesday 10 Feb - Day 1 of cycle 6 - 10/15 volume
Thursday 11 Feb - Day 2 of cycle 6 - 10/15 volume


Friday 12 Feb - Day 3 of cycle 6 - 10/15 volume
So finally managed to log on today and get this post made. Everything has been the same. Nothing yet to report. Nothing noticed out of the ordinary.
Every fear, every negative thought about anxiety or stress still there.

Im back in touch with the girl from before xmas I had mentioned with who i was super anxious and all over the show. I am only that way with her. Shes now back with her ex yet we spent 3hours on the phone in the morning and then 3hours at night. Shes revealed she had deep convos with me and her ex but not with other guys theyre just flirting or sexual chats but with him or me its deep.

I dont get that does anyone get it? @Shannon do you get it?

She anyway 2 days ago during a phone call we were having sent me a video of her masturbating and squirting. Call end and I loved it ofcourse that night. I didnt hear from her though again until i reached out in a flirtatious way 2 days later. Sent her a reminder and she was asking me to delete the videos etc. I dont get it, I mean im someone she has some history with and so she sent it to me now asking me to delete.

Again any ideas? anyway I said sure whatever ill delete and took the conversation elsewhere and shes been texing me today but ive now ignored her texts for the next 5hrs or so, to show im busy etc.

any thoughts guys?


Saturday 13 Feb - Day 4 of cycle 6 - 10/15 volume
Sunday 14 Feb - Day 5 of cycle 6 - 10/15 volume
Monday 15 Feb - Day 6 of cycle 6 - 10/15 volume
Tuesday 16 Feb - Day 7 of Cycle 6 - 10/15 volume - 1 day break

[tolgaocal80]

she seems crazzy, sends a video of her masturbating and then asking you for delete it? she really seems crazy,
I didn't understand is she into you or the other guy ex?

[Jake2015]

she seems crazzy,  sends a video of her masturbating and then asking you for delete it? she really seems crazy,
I didn't understand is she into you or the other guy ex?

Sorry for my late reply Tolgaocal80.

She has confirmed she likes the guy yet has no idea what is happening between her and me. The video was made for him yet the only other person to have seen is me.

We spoke for 2.5hours last night just by chance. The conversation flows shes a great listener.

I dont know what the hells going on except can only suspect that she does like me yet I dunno