Ivaylo's BASE 2.0 Journal

[Ivaylo]

I'm noticing myself becoming more open emotionally. First few days there was this urge to switch to AM6, probably because I associated this vulnerability with being feminine. Took a few days to settle in, but now I'd describe this state as balanced.

Still, there's less drive to do anything except heal even further. When I'm actually productive, it comes from a place of calmness, which makes my work that much more enjoyable.

I'm definitely high due to the love flooding, but hopefully I'm making enough sense for these journal entries to be useful. It feels a bit weird to write here in such a different way than before (don't know how much of it comes through), especially since it's been only a week of E2, but what can you do...

[heavysm]

Fifth day of E2 full-time and I'm manifesting situations in full swing. I'm not going into details, but it seems like everything that I need to happen to get new realizations about my life... well, it happens. I've "lost" my closest friend for the last 5-6 years last week due to some seemingly illogical behavior on his part and I'm still learning to take advantage of the new opportunities that arise.

I'm realizing how untrusting I've become lately. Lots of people I considered close let me down during the last 1.5 years, not sure if I should call this BASE or simply life, but this didn't use to happen before, not at this scale. I've taken pride in being resilient and consistent through all this, but I guess this has taken its toll on me nevertheless.

Still, on BASE, I didn't experience this to be that much of a limitation, but here on E2 it's a different game. Here, I seem to be receiving so much love that any closing down, any hardening that I've developed, becomes painfully obvious. Just one example was when I had a great girl show me a solid sign of trustworthiness and care the other day and I just couldn't fit it into my world view for some reason. Took me a day to appreciate what I've witnessed.

Anyway, the common theme here seems to be Love and breaking down all boundaries that obstruct its flow. I'm seeing some BASE programming unfold and my productivity is a little bit better, but that's not my main measure of progress. Somehow all my previous plans that I'll only do E2 if it doesn't interfere with business - they went right through the window.

The first 2 - 3 weeks on E2 helped unfold a lot of things I was wanting on BASE. After around 3 weeks the positive manifestations started slowing and the grinding emotional healing started, which was a slow but needed process.

Even if it feels like you're moving through mud with the healing stuff (you feel compelled to switch subs) push through for at least 2 months, IF that suits your situation.

If i rerun E2 (though I'm hoping E3 is out by the end of my BASE run) I might do a quick month, then run possibly my third and last BASE 5G.

I didn't think of E2 in the way you describe, with the 'Love and breaking down all boundaries that obstruct its flow', but that's sort of true for what I experienced.

I was pushed into situations where i had to confront past fears, resistances with others I had always avoided, and generally to be more open about accepting myself and others.

It will be curious to see how productivity goes after a few weeks, because mine sort of dropped and I'm not entirely sure what the cause was. Citing lack of motivation feels a little weak, but I'm not sure how else to describe what developed.

The healing overall was pretty intense though, as I'm pretty sure you'll experience.

[Ivaylo]

The first 2 - 3 weeks on E2 helped unfold a lot of things I was wanting on BASE. After around 3 weeks the positive manifestations started slowing and the grinding emotional healing started, which was a slow but needed process.

Even if it feels like you're moving through mud with the healing stuff (you feel compelled to switch subs) push through for at least 2 months, IF that suits your situation.

I'm actually experiencing both the manifestations and the grinding, they seem to work together for me. That's what fascinates me - twists and turns every step of the way, yet it's all so very gentle I can't even describe it. Without E2, I'd probably be emotionally burnt by day 3 and in need of a big rest (1-2 full days) to recharge my batteries - and I'm speaking from experience here.

Surely though, I don't think I'd be switching subs anytime soon. I can't see myself running 5G again and I get more enjoyment from clearing stuff out rather than what DMSI could possibly offer me at this point.

If i rerun E2 (though I'm hoping E3 is out by the end of my BASE run) I might do a quick month, then run possibly my third and last BASE 5G.

I didn't think of E2 in the way you describe, with the 'Love and breaking down all boundaries that obstruct its flow', but that's sort of true for what I experienced.

Yeah, I agree - I still consider that "love breaking boundaries" thing to be true enough, but I was also slightly emotional at the time so I may have overstated it somewhat.

Anyway, in terms for productivity, I have some observations but I think it might be too early to tell. Still, my suspicion is that E2 can have very different effect on productivity depending on the person's personality type. I'll see if I can go into more detail later on when I've processed everything some more, but I will say I'm happier with mine than before.

[heavysm]

I'm actually experiencing both the manifestations and the grinding, they seem to work together for me. That's what fascinates me - twists and turns every step of the way, yet it's all so very gentle I can't even describe it. Without E2, I'd probably be emotionally burnt by day 3 and in need of a big rest (1-2 full days) to recharge my batteries - and I'm speaking from experience here.

Here I feel you're indirectly referencing the emotional resilience I felt early on with E2. It's stuck with me even now that I'm using BASE, which wasn't the case last year during the first run.

So much bad crap was happening (paypal account getting limited, and business slowing down) that I couldn't believe how unfazed i was. I knew in the back of my mind that things were going to get better, as they always do, but in the past I know I would be a borderline nervous wreck where sleep would be greatly affected.

E2 actually fixed my sleeping cycle somewhat, even while things weren't so good consciously. That's a pretty odd mix if you think about it; sleep is somehow better despite life growing steadily more hectic / chaotic.

I do, still, seriously feel as if a small one month E2 run will help again after my current run of BASE. But we'll see how things turn out in the next 6 odd months.

(John Carlton's SWS 2.0, Freelance Course and Kickass Copywriting Secrets are all incredible, by the way. I've been reading and listening to those this week since I've got them - hot stuff! )

[Ivaylo]

I'm actually experiencing both the manifestations and the grinding, they seem to work together for me. That's what fascinates me - twists and turns every step of the way, yet it's all so very gentle I can't even describe it. Without E2, I'd probably be emotionally burnt by day 3 and in need of a big rest (1-2 full days) to recharge my batteries - and I'm speaking from experience here.

Here I feel you're indirectly referencing the emotional resilience I felt early on with E2. It's stuck with me even now that I'm using BASE, which wasn't the case last year during the first run.

So much bad crap was happening (paypal account getting limited, and business slowing down) that I couldn't believe how unfazed i was. I knew in the back of my mind that things were going to get better, as they always do, but in the past I know I would be a borderline nervous wreck where sleep would be greatly affected.

E2 actually fixed my sleeping cycle somewhat, even while things weren't so good consciously. That's a pretty odd mix if you think about it; sleep is somehow better despite life growing steadily more hectic / chaotic.

I do, still, seriously feel as if a small one month E2 run will help again after my current run of BASE. But we'll see how things turn out in the next 6 odd months.

(John Carlton's SWS 2.0, Freelance Course and Kickass Copywriting Secrets are all incredible, by the way. I've been reading and listening to those this week since I've got them - hot stuff! )

Yeah, I can relate a lot. Naturally, the specific experiences are different for me, but E2's modus operandi is very easy to spot overall. It's very cool to see I'm not making this stuff up.

I also understand why you would consider another E2 run in-between rounds of BASE. The 5G approach of powering through resistance is bound to push emotions to the surface and a short run of E2 would likely dissolve them and make the next run more efficient (and pleasant).

Regarding sleep, I had my own issues while on BASE when I worked late (since I was a night owl on BASE mostly) but they mostly resolved when I decided to dedicate my last 30-60 minutes of every day to listening to cool audio info-products.

Anyway, I'm happy you're having a blast with JC's products. I myself am devouring some of the classic books from the dawn of copywriting and I'm definitely impressed. These people had noone to turn to for information but themselves and it's... well, an honor to be reading these books. Definitely beginning to understand why people cherish their hard copies so much.

[Ivaylo]

So, a couple of thoughts regarding post-BASE productivity on E2.

Overall, it seems I'll have to do some adapting if I'm to be productive on E2. This sub strives for balance and it achieves that beautifully. However, goal setting and drive for success seem rooted in imbalance (there's somewhere to get to that's better than "here and now"). As expected, this seems to be the main disconnect.

The decision-making process on E2 seems to be a lot more heart-centric. Nothing to gain, nowhere to get to. I still seek the challenge, but now it's as if the main goal is to get the experiences and information that I need to grow spiritually. It's not about being a go-getter as it was on BASE.

The good news is that my productivity during the day is up. On BASE, I would often get overwhelmed when I trying to do work for any extended period of time, unless it was something really fun. Well, that tendency is definitely getting weaker.

With that said, my productivity in the late-night hours has diminished. Usually after 7PM I'd be excited and energized to do stuff, but now I'm just so full of loving energies that being excited just feels unnatural. Yeah, I know how this sounds.

I believe that I can make some adjustments to unleash my productivity, and I'll be experimenting with these in the coming days and weeks. I'm sure my productivity will be on a whole new level when I eventually go off E2, but until then I'll figure out how to be in a state of bliss and be productive at the same time. It's not a bad skill to have, actually.

[Ivaylo]

Aaand a couple more observations regarding E2:

- Very little desire to exercise whatsoever. I've been running E2 for what... 20 days now, and I've only had two workouts and they were half-decent at best. The thing is - it used to affect my mood when I didn't work out for more than 2-3 days. These reminders were often enough to get me back on track. Now, with all this love flooding, I feel good no matter what. I don't have as much physical energy as when I do work out, but my mood is great. I am getting just slightly out of shape, so I'll have to find another way to incentivize myself

- Another desire has decreased a lot. This might actually freak the relatively younger crowd out a little bit.
Anyway - yes, the desire for sex is a lot less. The desire for intimacy on the other hand is through the roof. Maybe it's a balancing thing, since I've never been that good at intimacy and the healing is just making it obvious what I've been missing. Whatever it is... intimacy takes precedence over sex for me right now. It doesn't preclude sex, but... well... sex seems like kind of a distraction at the moment. I might also be working through some sexual stuff right now though.

- Productivity is up! Still some way to go, but I'm seeing behaviors that three rounds of BASE rarely delivered. I credit the self-validation module (or if there isn't one, then something similar that *is* there)
Basically, I'm learning to accept the fact that as an ENTP, I'm not enjoying the "high work ethic"-approach to work. Instead, I've made sure I have 4-5 different things to do that compete for my attention constantly. That would mean reading a book, doing work for a client, watching the Olympics, writing key strategy points for a presidential candidate's campaign that I'm "co-running", listening to music, conversing with a friend through Messenger, etc, etc - all happening at the same time. Sounds like ADD on steroids and it probably is, but I'm happy, I'm fulfilled and I'm getting work done. Usually this would mean burnout in 1-2 hours, but E2 keeps everything running smoothly. I still need regular rests though, I'm not turning into a machine.

In conclusion, I still have work to do before my productivity goes sky-high, but I'm definitely not a bird-feeder... well, not all the time. I am getting at least as much done as I would on an average day of BASE, and I believe there's more to come. Still, the intention for doing this is happiness, not worldly success. Good thing I seem to know what I have to do and I'm just relieved I have less and less crap holding me back.

I also intended to go over the wealth ceiling destruction thing, but I guess I'll leave it for tomorrow... this is getting a bit long already.

[Ivaylo]

So, I went over what's changed... now to see what I can change in the future.

I think I'm understanding where my wealth ceiling lies...

One thing I'm realizing is that I need to get really good at promoting my own services. It has always been easy for me to write copy for whatever niche I find interesting, but in this case there's emotional investment. Like a surgeon not being allowed to operate on his family members.

I know what I'm worth (my clients tell me so), but I seem to resist finding ways to appeal to people's emotions. Since I've worked for myself for as long as I could remember, I was always focused on what works, rather than how to present it to anyone else in understandable terms. Now I'll have to learn to understand how other people see the value of what I do... which is completely new terrain for me.

I think once I figure this out, I'll be able to both do my marketing and evaluate with greater accuracy how much to charge for my services. (as well as what business I'm actually in, in marketing terms -- I'm having a strong intuitive hit that tells me I'm not in the sales text writing business)

[Ivaylo]

In the last few days I became aware of and eliminated (as much as possible) a huge piece of emotional junk that's been hindering my daytime productivity.

My day is now open, but I find that instead of being happy, I'm actually overwhelmed and a bit intimidated at how much work there is to do. I actually think I know how to handle this, but I'll apply it before sharing here.


One other thing I've been noticing is the maturity programming. A lot of people I used to have rapport with... now seem more or less two-dimensional, if that makes sense. Like they're caricatures of themselves. Probably sounds harsh and some of the people I have in mind are longtime friends, but still that's how I perceive their personality now. Probably not a coincidence that most of them are MBTI sensors.

Time to find more NTs. The issue is, most of the ones I know are into engineering/programming. They're great, but I'd like some more risk-friendly NTs as well. NFs could probably work too, but they have to be decently mature - I seem to be able to overwhelm the immature ones far too easily, lol. Not my intention, but it happens...

[Ivaylo]

I also seem to have new neighbors... who apparently have a small child. Probably have to talk to them soon about the noise because I'm getting a bit sleep deprived, although I've been thinking about a different solution.

I'm considering renting out my apartment as an office space. It's in the central parts of my country's capital, so I can easily rent it out as office space and then rent a much better one for myself without spending an extra dime.

The slightly weird part is that this has been on my mind for a few months now but I didn't think spending the necessary time on this was justified. However, things have been progressively going in such direction that this idea becomes more and more attractive.

I can definitely see how moving could improve my emotional healing. I may as well go with the flow on this one, regardless of how much time it takes. I'm just beginning to appreciate how effortless everything can be when I'm in good shape, emotionally and otherwise.

In other news, I've laid down my game plan for moving away from freelancer sites for getting clients. More on that later.

[Ivaylo]

I've passed the 32-day mark a few days ago, and I think it's time I put some more of my thoughts into words.

- I'm increasingly being drawn to politics. I mentioned before that I've been co-running a presidential candidate's campaign for the last few weeks. I'm feeling more and more that this is the right direction for me, spiritually. The copywriter John Carlton says in a seminar that copywriting is not about manipulating people, it's about loving people. The more you understand how people's minds work, the more you'll be able to love them. Well, this campaign (and all future ones, potentially) seems like an effective way to learn to love my fellow compatriots.
There's a lot of hate to be healed toward certain strata of the society here. It's already a soul-twisting experience, in the gentlest way possible thanks to E2... I just hope it's worth it. Ironically, I'm not exactly sure what "worth it" means at this point - I keep changing way too fast.

- My self-validation has hit uncomfortably high levels for me. I'm realizing that up until recently I've been a massive attention junkie... probably still am to a slightly lesser degree, lol. Still, I used to derive massive satisfaction out of people giving me attention for hours on end. Now this satisfaction fades away in a matter of minutes for any given person... as if I'm learning to give myself this new quality of attention I need in real time... hopefully that makes sense, lol. There's a bit of sadness there because of the fact that I'm no longer able to "connect" to other people through what were essentially my insecurities... but hopefully a new door will open. Seems that most of what "I" do is waiting for new doors to open... I'm wondering if that's what I get for running a sub that heals and matures me. Either that or I'm doing it wrong... hopefully the former.

- The loyalty I used to feel for my friends and acquaintances has subsided. Partly this is because of the few situations where I learned that I value some friendships far more deeply than the other people involved. Then again, partly it's because this idealistic, blind loyalty is being pushed away by actual maturity. This transition to self-reliance feels... lonely. Still, I'm hoping it really is just a transitional period to a state of mind where I can form more fulfilling friendships... although at this point I'm honestly more concerned with being able to find such people. One thing at a time, I guess.

Overall, as it might be obvious from my writing, I'm currently deeply uncertain about where my future is heading. It's overwhelming how much my perception has changed and keeps changing. For now, I'll trust the process, taking it one day at a time.

[Ivaylo]

Looking for a new apartment and read a little bit about feng shui. Well, turns out that every apartment I had rented since I went online was more or less ideal for me in terms of making money... except my current one where I've lived for the last three years and which I bought. I'm not saying there's truth to it necessarily, but really since I moved in, making money came a lot less easy and fun than before.

I attributed it to BASE doing its thing and morphing me into a better person... which actually sounds like GSF to me now. I also thought it might be a bit harder for me now that I'm a few years older... which also sounds like complete bullshit now that I put it into words.

So, to sum up, some fairly ridiculous limiting beliefs are surfacing to get dealt with... and I'm going to make sure my next place has good, maybe even great feng shui, just as a lucky ritual.

[Ivaylo]

Slept in "my" room in my parents' apartment for a few days while I'm looking for a new place. My own apartment is still a bit too inhospitable to stay there full time because of the noise.

The stay at my parents' has been enlightening in terms of money. I've never been so aware of how much of their lives is centered around money... in a very absurd way. Pleasure, time & effort saved, health, etc - these things take a back seat in favor of money... while logic and common sense seem to go out the window. Doing things in the context of personal development is also almost nonexistant, except in theory.

I'm realizing this is the environment where I've been raised. I'm also becoming aware of my own glass ceilings in this area and how ridiculously stupid those are. Nothing like seeing the consequences of your faulty beliefs to make you want to drop them like hot potatoes.

[Ivaylo]

The stay at my parents' has ended for the most part, I returned to my apartment for now. Without going into details, I'm fairly confident this was a manifestation by E2 - my parents stirred up a lot of suppressed emotions over the last week and they got healed pretty fast. Now that I've healed those, I'm actually ok being in my apartment for now.

Anyway, I'm thinking I'll probably do complete three months of E2 before switching to DMSI. This puts the start of my DMSI run around November 1st. The reason of course is that DMSI keeps getting better, while E3 keeps getting postponed.

After (or around) November 1st, I'll actually look for a new apartment to rent. There seem to be some very nice luxurious studio apartments right in the heart of "Students' City" - a district of my capital where students live while they're in university. This means ample supply of 18-22-year-olds and a lot of opportunities for the autopilot to guide me appropriately.


In other news, the presidential campaign I'm helping with is going quite well. My candidate went from being viewed as a slight-to-moderate underdog to being likely the second in the polls. On a hypothetical ballotage, which actually seems quite inevitable, a lot of the people who have voted for other candidates will vote for my guy as well. Still 6 weeks away from election day, I'd say things are getting interesting.

I'm seriously considering making an effort to put him on DMSI for the final debates, just for the respect hits. Not sure how that might play out overall, though.