In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A

[mat422]

Decided I'm no longer going to tell anyone my goals in my life anymore. Unfortunately what I want out of life most people don't think is possible. Yeah I can tell them and then just avoid being influenced by the limiting beliefs they hold, but it's easier just to not even go there. I'm just not strong enough yet in my beliefs about what's possible for me and until I do get strong enough I have to protect those goals.

So that being said I'm noticing with DMSI a lot more confidence lately. There's been a ton of drama at my job lately and I'm not getting roped into it as much anymore. Of the few younger women I've interacted with at my job they seem to be very receptive to me. Twice today I was handing them the receipt for their purchase and they overreach and sort of grab my hand along with the receipt. Called sweetheart and they thank me a lot. No big deal really, but figured I'd report since I am a tester.

Overall still struggling a bit, but it seems like these past few days I've been less obsessed with making DMSI work to the best of it's ability and just have gone about my day. I guess there was a little too much conscious intervention the past few weeks that interfered with DMSI and made it more complicated than it had to be. A case of my conscious mind going "no I can do this better, let me do it". Just controlling stuff, fear, same old same old. Best thing I can do is just ignore it and focus on stuff outside of the sub.

[mat422]

Found this interesting. It's based on neuroscience research regarding MBTI.

Neuroscientist Dario Nardi found that INFPs listened with their “whole brain” more than any other types. He says in his book The Neuroscience of Personality that INFPs “often enter a special listening mode. They are consummate listeners. They thoroughly engage all brain regions that process voice, words, and sounds; moreover, they may easily enter a unique whole-brain state when listening to other people, whoever those people might be.”

Got me thinking how this relates to me processing the subliminals. Just some food for thought really.

[mat422]

Got my loops in last night, but then decided that I wanted to listen during the day instead of at night again tonight. Well, I probably won't be doing that again anytime soon. Leaving enough space in between listening is really important. Feels like I overloaded my brain a bit, not putting sentences together properly, very out of it, everything feels very dream like. Sort of like when you pull an all nighter and the next day you're awake but all loopy and not thinking straight. So tonight I'm getting plenty of uninterrupted sleep.

[mat422]

Things have gotten heavy for me. I'm reading a book about shadow work. I think DMSI might have led me to it. The thing I really like about the book so far is it's the authors own experience. This isn't some book written by some guru that wanted to make a quick buck. It's her own experience and how despite all the positive thinking, affirmations, visualizations, hypnosis, etc. it helped but didn't make her feel whole. Her experience mirrors mine, I've always felt there was some piece of the puzzle I was missing and I think this is it.

I think there's a lot in me I refuse to see or outright ignore. I think part of that is fear if I acknowledge it then that's who I am. But whether I acknowledge it or not, it's there. So it's better to bring things to light and learn and forgive myself than trying to keep denying it. Carl Jung said "I'd rather be whole than good". For my whole life I've been trying to be good, trying to erase the negative aspects of myself and be this perfect person. It's caused me a lot of suffering. It's never been about striving for excellence, it's always been about running away from the parts of myself I disliked and disowned. DMSI has been bringing me face to face with these things to release them. It sounds easy and straightforward but in my experience there was always this gap or inability to own up to the fact that these parts were me. There was a lack of emotional release, despite heavy logical thought processes about what caused it and how to stop it.

[mat422]

Alright so this is going to get really weird and I don't know what to entirely make of the experience. I was really messed up today and tried doing some work but decided halfway through I just needed to lay down. So I laid down and just let go and went through all different emotions and thoughts. After a while I started getting flashes of images in my head. First was sexual thoughts of women I have encountered. Nothing strange there. But here's where it gets really bizarre.

I had these images of a rainy damp, cobblestone place. My guess would be London. Not present day, Victorian era. Saw in my minds eye I was female. I just remember being incredibly afraid, like anywhere I went wasn't safe. It was dark, empty, and quiet.

I think I'm getting glimpses into a past life. I won't go any further into it because I'm pretty sure this borders on rule 4 territory. But it feels like I'm healing something that came before this lifetime. I woke up with a massive headache today and instead of doing what I normally do and trying to sleep it off, I allowed any and all possible emotional things to come up to be cleared. As I go deeper and deeper into the fear I notice my headache subsides which leads me to believe it was resistance preventing me from digging deeper. Might have been brutally murdered in this past life, was definitely in poverty, and based on what I've read about that era a lot of women resorted to prostitution.

This whole thing feels really weird. It's like when you don't want to think about something bad that happened in your past. That feeling of trying to push it out of your head or not dwell on it. But it's not from this current life. Part of me thinks I'm just over imagining all this and it's just how my mind is interpreting the fear I'm trying to remove. But another part of me believes this is where the fear I'm dealing with in my present life is coming from.

But I never really saw this coming. It also feels like maybe DMSI cleared some fear surrounding what reality actually is. It just makes me think of when I was younger in elementary school and I'd check out books from our library on ESP and UFOs and stuff. I always had this fascination with the paranormal at a young age. Maybe there's something there that go covered up as I moved into adulthood and now I'm learning to access it again.

[RTBoss]

Things have gotten heavy for me. I'm reading a book about shadow work. I think DMSI might have led me to it. The thing I really like about the book so far is it's the authors own experience. This isn't some book written by some guru that wanted to make a quick buck. It's her own experience and how despite all the positive thinking, affirmations, visualizations, hypnosis, etc. it helped but didn't make her feel whole. Her experience mirrors mine, I've always felt there was some piece of the puzzle I was missing and I think this is it.

I think there's a lot in me I refuse to see or outright ignore. I think part of that is fear if I acknowledge it then that's who I am. But whether I acknowledge it or not, it's there. So it's better to bring things to light and learn and forgive myself than trying to keep denying it. Carl Jung said "I'd rather be whole than good". For my whole life I've been trying to be good, trying to erase the negative aspects of myself and be this perfect person. It's caused me a lot of suffering. It's never been about striving for excellence, it's always been about running away from the parts of myself I disliked and disowned. DMSI has been bringing me face to face with these things to release them. It sounds easy and straightforward but in my experience there was always this gap or inability to own up to the fact that these parts were me. There was a lack of emotional release, despite heavy logical thought processes about what caused it and how to stop it.

Sounds like you're reading, "Dark Side of the Light Chasers." If so, great book. Read it during a pretty dark period of my life. It helped.

[Benjamin]

The shadow work stuff is valuable. I was looking at it along with Inner Bonding which I guess is similar in that it's finding those core wounded feelings, learning to feel and accept them and heal them.

I haven't specifically done shadow work stuff, but i've read a bit about it and can see the value in it.

[mat422]

Things have gotten heavy for me. I'm reading a book about shadow work. I think DMSI might have led me to it. The thing I really like about the book so far is it's the authors own experience. This isn't some book written by some guru that wanted to make a quick buck. It's her own experience and how despite all the positive thinking, affirmations, visualizations, hypnosis, etc. it helped but didn't make her feel whole. Her experience mirrors mine, I've always felt there was some piece of the puzzle I was missing and I think this is it.

I think there's a lot in me I refuse to see or outright ignore. I think part of that is fear if I acknowledge it then that's who I am. But whether I acknowledge it or not, it's there. So it's better to bring things to light and learn and forgive myself than trying to keep denying it. Carl Jung said "I'd rather be whole than good". For my whole life I've been trying to be good, trying to erase the negative aspects of myself and be this perfect person. It's caused me a lot of suffering. It's never been about striving for excellence, it's always been about running away from the parts of myself I disliked and disowned. DMSI has been bringing me face to face with these things to release them. It sounds easy and straightforward but in my experience there was always this gap or inability to own up to the fact that these parts were me. There was a lack of emotional release, despite heavy logical thought processes about what caused it and how to stop it.

Sounds like you're reading, "Dark Side of the Light Chasers." If so, great book. Read it during a pretty dark period of my life. It helped.

Yup that's the one. I really like the idea of shadow work. I think the positive thought movement hurt more people than it helped to be honest.

The shadow work stuff is valuable. I was looking at it along with Inner Bonding which I guess is similar in that it's finding those core wounded feelings, learning to feel and accept them and heal them.

I haven't specifically done shadow work stuff, but i've read a bit about it and can see the value in it.

Yeah it's similar. I've been around a lot of these self help techniques but in the end I've learned it's less about the technique and more about accepting yourself. So they all have some overlap. What I like about shadow work is it doesn't really have some formal structure of what to do. It's more like you just go into your own mind ask questions and explore yourself. There's no right or wrong or failure or whatever you might get trying to get other techniques to work.

[mat422]

So decided to message a girl I saw on okcupid. Got a response back, but sensed disinterest. But the thing that felt good was I didn't really care. For the first time in my life I was interested and just went for it. And when it didn't work out instead of feeling like a terrible person I just acknowledged not everyone will like me and that's fine. It's more empowering coming to terms with that fact than trying to turn myself into this universally attractive and desirable guy. Less pressure, less need to be anything other than myself, and less need for a certain outcome to be achieved.

That being said it feels like I had a huge leap in growth overnight but I still feel there's stuff I'm struggling with. Still afraid of getting attention from women and being sexy. I can feel myself sort of holding back. Probably still parts of myself I'm ashamed of that I need to integrate and embrace so I no longer fear other people seeing them. But overall it feels like I'm more whole right now and I can just be for the time being without being bothered by that anxiety of needing to be something better.

[mat422]

Upping the loops of DMSI to 4. Feels like in order to keep this momentum going I have to expose myself more. I felt the resistance creeping in again and knew I had to do something otherwise it would sabotage me again.

Started thinking about buying MLS because there's a ton of stuff I want to learn. But then I also realized my main problem isn't learning, it's just being too afraid to take action. I have enough knowledge to get a better job as well as the skills, I just don't have the confidence as much as I'd like to have. So I'm going to be sticking with DMSI for the long haul.

It feels like I'm getting close to breaking out of this rut I've been in for years. Being too afraid to do anything, life being miserable, getting depressed because life sucks, wanting to change but too afraid to change sort of cycle. Even if I can't push forward as much as I like outwardly, I can keep the internal pressure on me by upping my exposure time with this sub. So that's what I'm doing. Eventually something will give and I'll be where I want to be.

[DarkPlouf]

Started thinking about buying MLS because there's a ton of stuff I want to learn. But then I also realized my main problem isn't learning, it's just being too afraid to take action. I have enough knowledge to get a better job as well as the skills, I just don't have the confidence as much as I'd like to have. So I'm going to be sticking with DMSI for the long haul.

Doesn't DMSI work on self-confidence for the goal of the program only ? How would DMSI help with confidence related to work ?

[ReeZoX]

Started thinking about buying MLS because there's a ton of stuff I want to learn. But then I also realized my main problem isn't learning, it's just being too afraid to take action. I have enough knowledge to get a better job as well as the skills, I just don't have the confidence as much as I'd like to have. So I'm going to be sticking with DMSI for the long haul.

Doesn't DMSI work on self-confidence for the goal of the program only ? How would DMSI help with confidence related to work ?

Well, confidence is believing in your own capability of accomplishing "things". Not necessarily a specific goal. So if DMSI increases your confidence, you will think you have a greater capability of accomplishing, for example, work-related stuff.
DMSI will also with the help of healing most likely "remove" the bad memories related to not having greater confidence. Which also indirectly will have an effect on work stuff. Also, a sexually irresistible guy is confident in his own work

DMSI also works on your self-esteem, how you feel about yourself regardless of you are capable of (currently) accomplishing X or Y. More or less allowing you to apply for positions, taking a greater leap of faith than if you didn't have high self-esteem. Allowing you to get rewarded for taking chances you otherwise wouldn't have, simply by putting yourself out there more.

[mat422]

Started thinking about buying MLS because there's a ton of stuff I want to learn. But then I also realized my main problem isn't learning, it's just being too afraid to take action. I have enough knowledge to get a better job as well as the skills, I just don't have the confidence as much as I'd like to have. So I'm going to be sticking with DMSI for the long haul.

Doesn't DMSI work on self-confidence for the goal of the program only ? How would DMSI help with confidence related to work ?

What ReeZoX said is pretty much covering all of it. DMSI has a lot of side benefits that I was mostly after when I started this sub. I was originally going to run E2 but I couldn't resist trying out the newer tech.

[mat422]

Well either 4 loops is doing my brain in or I'm manifesting resistance in very noticeable ways. Lost my keys today in my house. Spent a good 20 minutes searching and they ended up in one of my bottom drawers where I keep a bunch of computer stuff. I don't remember putting them in there or if they fell. It was like they completely vanished. Then later on that day I locked my keys in my car and had to call AAA.

But the good news is I have a job interview this monday for an IT position. The fear is at an all time high and I'm doing my best to just visualize everything going smoothly and landing the job. I realized that I sabotage myself a lot by insisting I can't or shooting myself down before I even try. Lately with this shadow work I've been healing aspects of myself and becoming ok with the more negative parts of me. But it was also a bit of a copout because I didn't focus enough on improving those aspects and accepting the possibility I could be more than what I limit myself to.

I tell myself a lot of things that I take for fact when I shouldn't. One of my biggest problems is believing that the negative is somehow more realistic than the positive. I have a very poor perception of myself I need to change. You know your own self esteem is bad when you think being positive and acknowledging your strengths feels like you are being delusional. That's how strong these beliefs are that I need to break. Every time I've tried to change my mindset in the past I was met with that inner voice that said "You're just lying to yourself, look how pathetic you are trying to thing highly of yourself, you're nothing but a loser". But this time I'm not going to listen to that voice and give into it, I'm going to keep going.