08-07-2017, 06:09 AM
(08-06-2017, 01:36 AM)dissonance Wrote:(08-05-2017, 08:51 PM)mat422 Wrote:(08-05-2017, 11:10 AM)dissonance Wrote: Do you feet hurt after your 9 hour shifts at work?
Used to, but not anymore after I fixed my posture. I had to train my feet to maintain their natural arches. I was very flat footed.
Alright so something snapped in me tonight, but in a good way. I'm done just coasting through life and hoping for things to turn out ok. I'm going to make things great for myself. I'm not going to limit myself to what I think is possible anymore, I'm just going to focus on what I want in life and let it manifest itself. This means I have to stop giving a shit about the hows and whys or feasibility of things and just use the power of my mind to make it happen. Believe it's going to happen and just leave it at that. I know people have done great things, I know how powerful the mind is, all I have to do is stop getting in my own way and believe I can do the same stuff. There will be doubt, there's always doubt, but I can rise above that doubt.
The hardest part for me seems to be my resistance and how it manifests. Seems like for years now my resistance has manifested in over the top passivity disguised as "peace" or "tranquility" or "spiritual advancement" whatever you want to call it, it was a sham. I was afraid to take control, to direct my life, had this mistaken assumption that too much control over one's life was wrong. But it was all lies, all of it. The more I tried to change, the more my subconscious pulled back into this passive state. It got to the point where life happened to me and I reacted it to it, I didn't control life. Granted there are some events we can't control, but a lot of stuff that happened to me was 100% under my control and I abandon that control. In a way what I retreated into was no different than drugs, I was addicted to making myself feel comfortable to hide what I really felt about my life instead of facing it.
I have flat feet too, and this is a problem for me too, as I work at a restaurant as a busser. How did you train your feet to maintain their natural arches? And did you wear shoes with support or no support? How much cushioning? Was your job just standing around only or lots of walking and carrying heavy things around? Do you have plantar fasciitis? I know thats a lot of questions.
A book I can recommend where I learned everything about fixing my posture. https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Posture-P...merReviews
I actually wear boots at my job, they have some arch support but nothing crazy. No cushioning or anything. Basically what the book teaches you is how to be mindful of your body and exercises to get back into natural alignment. Modern society has screwed our posture and it leads to improper use of our bodies. I used to have plantar fasciitis as well. But when you learn to distribute your weight over your foot properly there is no more pain. I do a lot of standing at my job, but walking around too recovering the sales floor. My motto has always been fixing stuff at the source. Those fancy orthotics, cushioning, special shoes, etc. are just all bandaids for the real problem that isn't addressed often in our modern age.
Going to try to be nicer to myself. I treat myself terribly, I've realized that now. And it doesn't get me anywhere. I think if I keep the pressure on myself it'll motivate me to keep getting better. But what I've found is my idea of "better" is still solely based on outside things. Like financial security, getting a job, all that status in society nonsense. I've been missing the most important thing which is actually getting better at an internal level and treating myself better. There's a void in me I've been trying to fill with outside achievements and it hasn't been working out all that well for me.
Last night I listened to the sub and as I did I just told myself everything was ok. I was doing my best and I've been through some rough stuff in my life. Maybe not the roughest, I'm sure there are plenty of others out there less fortunate than me, but that doesn't negate my own need for emotional validation. I told myself so often that I didn't really need to be compassionate with myself because my issues weren't bad enough to warrant it. It was like a competition of who's life was the worst and who was really deserving of being treated nicely. We all deserve compassion because we all suffer in some way. Making it a competition hurts everyone. So often I told myself I should be able to beat this stupid anxiety, get a better job, make more friends, date more women, etc. I criticized myself for everything, but never took the time to just tell myself it was alright that I was having trouble with everything in life.
I knew something was up when every time I went out I felt this need to have every woman I found attractive interested in me. I wanted to see DMSI work for me, so I'd obsess on it. Then I realized this isn't how I want to live my life, looking for external things to keep me happy. Also the weird part is if women did give me attention, I wasn't receptive to it or I got fearful. It's like my ego wanted attention, but just superficial kind of attention that made me feel better. When it came to them knowing the real me, not the DMSI smoke and mirrors, I realized that I still felt I wasn't good enough or there was something wrong with me.
So yeah went in to DMSI with the intent of healing and getting sexier. Coming out feeling like nobody could ever love me for who I am. Shit got real. But I know this is where I need to focus my attention now. I'm realizing more and more this is the kind of stuff I've always been insecure about. My lack of trust in others and my intense disgust with my own need for affection from others drove me into self isolation. I told myself I was above all of it, a lone wolf, independent, what a crock of shit. When I initially read the book on shadow work I thought the author's whole idea of the traits we hate the most in others are our shadow selves, but it's true. For years I absolutely hated people that displayed needy behavior or a desire to be loved for who they are. I refused to acknowledge that inside of me I had the same feelings. Just goes to show you can run all the subliminals you want, but at the end of the day if you aren't willing to face the actual parts of yourself you'll never grow.
