In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A

[mat422]

I hear you. That's a big part of it (predicting). If you can predict with reliable consistency, you've got a "winner".

If what you use (i.e "jerk game" or whatever) can be used, then not used, off and on, and you can see consistent results everytime it is "on", you've got a winner (or at least, you're close.). Do you really need to find out the TRUE reason behind it if it works? That's another can of worms. lol

I kind of do lol. I don't know for most of my life I've just always been obsessed with knowing the truth behind things. Like ok this works, but why does it work? Trying to distill it down to its core principles, I've got a bit of an obsession I guess.

You could be right. Fear also has a powerful effect on other people. It's one of the few emotions I've seen translated to others from myself. Enthusiasm or happiness? Not so much.

Anyhow, I've not read that book of yours. I'm very skeptical on those kinds. I have a bunch of them (including the kybalion) but I wasn't able to use them to my advantage.

Anyhow, hope you like the Alchemist.

Fear is a tricky one that's for sure.

A quick google search on the kybalion shows that it might have been authored by the same guy that wrote the book I'm reading now. Quite the coincidence. I understand your skepticism though. For me I'm bored enough by the mundane nature of life, so I'm willing to entertain alternative views of reality and venture beyond what we are told is fact.

[SargeMaximus]

I hear you. That's a big part of it (predicting). If you can predict with reliable consistency, you've got a "winner".

If what you use (i.e "jerk game" or whatever) can be used, then not used, off and on, and you can see consistent results everytime it is "on", you've got a winner (or at least, you're close.). Do you really need to find out the TRUE reason behind it if it works? That's another can of worms. lol

I kind of do lol. I don't know for most of my life I've just always been obsessed with knowing the truth behind things. Like ok this works, but why does it work? Trying to distill it down to its core principles, I've got a bit of an obsession I guess.

I hear you. I'm very much this way myself. Always wanting to find an "edge", learn all I can about things, try to improve based on what I learn. It can be an obsession for sure.

But I think it's important to realize that if something is working, trying to improve it can f*ck things up. Like trying to put rocket fuel in a common car. It's not going to improve it at all. Even though the principle seems sound (better fuel = better performance, right?) in reality, it's NOT better.

I think better is what is perfect FOR THE SITUATION/or the person, hence why one thing can work for one person and not another.

Having said that, I think the right balance is to do what works, till you find a better way that works. Hard to explai but basically, you don't abandon what works for a theory, if the theory doesn't work in reality. Again: reality (the external results) are the objective truth. At least, that's how I see it.

I don't think an argument could be made for things working that don't produce results.

Now, all this has me thinking of a book I read a while ago. It's actually quite good and focuses on the whole "theory vs. practice" thing. Maybe not entirely about "what is the TRUTH" but it is about that balance I'm talking about.

The book is called "The Inner Game of Tennis"

You could be right. Fear also has a powerful effect on other people. It's one of the few emotions I've seen translated to others from myself. Enthusiasm or happiness? Not so much.

Anyhow, I've not read that book of yours. I'm very skeptical on those kinds. I have a bunch of them (including the kybalion) but I wasn't able to use them to my advantage.

Anyhow, hope you like the Alchemist.

Fear is a tricky one that's for sure.

A quick google search on the kybalion shows that it might have been authored by the same guy that wrote the book I'm reading now. Quite the coincidence. I understand your skepticism though. For me I'm bored enough by the mundane nature of life, so I'm willing to entertain alternative views of reality and venture beyond what we are told is fact.

Lol, that's hilarious. I'm not surprised at all. XD

Hmm, your "bored" outlook is similar (I think) to how mine is when I'm not in a creative/productive state.

The solution for me wasn't to search for alternative realities, but to find that spark of passion and emotional engagement with others and my work/mission.

Once I did that, things became awesome again. I didn't get all my dreams and wishes lol, that would be BS, what I did get was a 3D and in full color experience of life vs a bland, black and white model.

I think it just has to do with focus and having lost your way.

Perhaps you need to re-connect with the things you love to experience/do.

[mat422]

I hear you. I'm very much this way myself. Always wanting to find an "edge", learn all I can about things, try to improve based on what I learn. It can be an obsession for sure.

But I think it's important to realize that if something is working, trying to improve it can f*ck things up. Like trying to put rocket fuel in a common car. It's not going to improve it at all. Even though the principle seems sound (better fuel = better performance, right?) in reality, it's NOT better.

I think better is what is perfect FOR THE SITUATION/or the person, hence why one thing can work for one person and not another.

Having said that, I think the right balance is to do what works, till you find a better way that works. Hard to explai but basically, you don't abandon what works for a theory, if the theory doesn't work in reality. Again: reality (the external results) are the objective truth. At least, that's how I see it.

I don't think an argument could be made for things working that don't produce results.

Now, all this has me thinking of a book I read a while ago. It's actually quite good and focuses on the whole "theory vs. practice" thing. Maybe not entirely about "what is the TRUTH" but it is about that balance I'm talking about.

The book is called "The Inner Game of Tennis"

Yeah you raise a good point. Admittedly that's definitely one of my weaknesses. Too much theory, not enough application. Also probably too much thinking in general.

I'll have to pick up that book too. Looks interesting and like it could apply to a lot of things.

Lol, that's hilarious. I'm not surprised at all. XD

Hmm, your "bored" outlook is similar (I think) to how mine is when I'm not in a creative/productive state.

The solution for me wasn't to search for alternative realities, but to find that spark of passion and emotional engagement with others and my work/mission.

Once I did that, things became awesome again. I didn't get all my dreams and wishes lol, that would be BS, what I did get was a 3D and in full color experience of life vs a bland, black and white model.

I think it just has to do with focus and having lost your way.

Perhaps you need to re-connect with the things you love to experience/do.

That's definitely something I can relate to. Yeah my life has been very monotonous lately. I'm working a part time retail job so the scheduling is erratic and makes it hard to plan. Been focusing on getting up on my feet financially and landing a better job, but it hasn't left me much room for my music which is what I care about the most. I guess I've just been trying to escape the reality of things because my values and the culture I'm surrounded by don't align with them. Basically trying to figure out how I can be happy doing my own thing vs following what everyone else says I should do. Again theory vs application, ideas aren't worth a damn if they can't be implemented into my life otherwise I could spend all day daydreaming about stuff.

---

DMSI update. Was at work yesterday and this cute girl is looking around. Ask her if she needed help with anything. She might have been attracted to me, hard to tell in these customer service positions. But I sure as hell was attracted to her. She seemed to have a bit of trouble speaking around me, like she knew what she wanted to say in her brain but the words didn't come out right.

Still not fully aligned with the whole "being attractive" reality. I've been told I'm pretty good looking, but I never really saw it myself. Whenever I see interest I'm thinking to myself why? Rather than ok this is cool, let's see what happens. Gonna have to work on that one a bit.

[SargeMaximus]

I hear you. I'm very much this way myself. Always wanting to find an "edge", learn all I can about things, try to improve based on what I learn. It can be an obsession for sure.

But I think it's important to realize that if something is working, trying to improve it can f*ck things up. Like trying to put rocket fuel in a common car. It's not going to improve it at all. Even though the principle seems sound (better fuel = better performance, right?) in reality, it's NOT better.

I think better is what is perfect FOR THE SITUATION/or the person, hence why one thing can work for one person and not another.

Having said that, I think the right balance is to do what works, till you find a better way that works. Hard to explai but basically, you don't abandon what works for a theory, if the theory doesn't work in reality. Again: reality (the external results) are the objective truth. At least, that's how I see it.

I don't think an argument could be made for things working that don't produce results.

Now, all this has me thinking of a book I read a while ago. It's actually quite good and focuses on the whole "theory vs. practice" thing. Maybe not entirely about "what is the TRUTH" but it is about that balance I'm talking about.

The book is called "The Inner Game of Tennis"

Yeah you raise a good point. Admittedly that's definitely one of my weaknesses. Too much theory, not enough application. Also probably too much thinking in general.

I'll have to pick up that book too. Looks interesting and like it could apply to a lot of things.

Yeah thinking can be an issue.

I remember when I was first approaching girls in 2015 (not the first time I approached girls, I mean, for the first time that year) I was noticing how in my head I got. "Should I say this? What if she says this? What if this?" it was paralyzing.

The only way out was to physically shake my head, empty my mind, and approach without a single idea of what to say. things go better that way I find. And you only learn through doing.

Inner Game of Tennis touches on that too, how to balance learning vs. doing. It's one I have to buy again because I gave my other copy away to my cousin.

Lol, that's hilarious. I'm not surprised at all. XD

Hmm, your "bored" outlook is similar (I think) to how mine is when I'm not in a creative/productive state.

The solution for me wasn't to search for alternative realities, but to find that spark of passion and emotional engagement with others and my work/mission.

Once I did that, things became awesome again. I didn't get all my dreams and wishes lol, that would be BS, what I did get was a 3D and in full color experience of life vs a bland, black and white model.

I think it just has to do with focus and having lost your way.

Perhaps you need to re-connect with the things you love to experience/do.

That's definitely something I can relate to. Yeah my life has been very monotonous lately. I'm working a part time retail job so the scheduling is erratic and makes it hard to plan. Been focusing on getting up on my feet financially and landing a better job, but it hasn't left me much room for my music which is what I care about the most. I guess I've just been trying to escape the reality of things because my values and the culture I'm surrounded by don't align with them. Basically trying to figure out how I can be happy doing my own thing vs following what everyone else says I should do. Again theory vs application, ideas aren't worth a damn if they can't be implemented into my life otherwise I could spend all day daydreaming about stuff.

Exactly.

I definitely hear you. All my life people been telling me I'm wrong about this, that, or the other thing, but when I consider the source (usually beta males) it becomes clear it's not about me.

The problem with a "job" is that you can become insulated from reality. Very easy to become a mindless drone. It's why I like sales. You're constantly getting feedback on yourself via the kind of results you are generating. It forces you to change, grow, and engage. That and it's very much aligned with my core values (freedom, among others)

Perhaps if you found a way to connect with your job and the people around you in the same way you connect with your music?

[mat422]

Perhaps if you found a way to connect with your job and the people around you in the same way you connect with your music?

I'm lucky that all my coworkers are chill with me and it's not a bad environment to work in. I just can't be around people I don't know for that long. I probably still deal with some anxiety, but it's not the heart racing type. More like the long slow drawn out foreboding type. It sort of sits beneath the surface enough to the point where I've gotten really good with dealing with it, but I often forget it's still there and that's why I'm so tired at the end of the day.

It's one of those things where it is what it is. It's not horrible, but it's not ideal. I make the best of it.

[SargeMaximus]

Perhaps if you found a way to connect with your job and the people around you in the same way you connect with your music?

I'm lucky that all my coworkers are chill with me and it's not a bad environment to work in. I just can't be around people I don't know for that long. I probably still deal with some anxiety, but it's not the heart racing type. More like the long slow drawn out foreboding type. It sort of sits beneath the surface enough to the point where I've gotten really good with dealing with it, but I often forget it's still there and that's why I'm so tired at the end of the day.

It's one of those things where it is what it is. It's not horrible, but it's not ideal. I make the best of it.

I hear you, I'm much the same. But I'm slowly improving.

What helped me is to realize that even people I know well were once people I didn't know.

Anyhow, I don't wanna derail your journal.

[RTBoss]

Perhaps if you found a way to connect with your job and the people around you in the same way you connect with your music?

I'm lucky that all my coworkers are chill with me and it's not a bad environment to work in. I just can't be around people I don't know for that long. I probably still deal with some anxiety, but it's not the heart racing type. More like the long slow drawn out foreboding type. It sort of sits beneath the surface enough to the point where I've gotten really good with dealing with it, but I often forget it's still there and that's why I'm so tired at the end of the day.

It's one of those things where it is what it is. It's not horrible, but it's not ideal. I make the best of it.

I hear you, I'm much the same. But I'm slowly improving.

What helped me is to realize that even people I know well were once people I didn't know.

Anyhow, I don't wanna derail your journal.

Too late for that...

[mat422]

Thinking about all my issues I got to thinking about computer viruses. And this stuck out to me.

In computer terminology, polymorphic code is code that uses a polymorphic engine to mutate while keeping the original algorithm intact. That is, the code changes itself each time it runs, but the function of the code (its semantics) will not change at all. For example, 1+3 and 6-2 both achieve the same result while using different values and operations. This technique is sometimes used by computer viruses, shellcodes and computer worms to hide their presence.[1]

Can anyone else relate to that with regards to their subliminal usage? Feels like whenever I'm homing in on an issue another one pops up, but it's not the real issue and it's more like a distraction to shell off the source.

Lately I'm wondering, what the hell are my ACTUAL problems? I've known I've always had this internalized phobia of people. Then I started thinking maybe I'm afraid because I don't like myself and I'm afraid that they'll see that? But now I'm wondering if that was just a distraction to lead me on a neverending quest to "heal myself" in order to avoid the fear. What if the real problem this whole time is really just the fear? As irrational as it sounds, that fear of people is just there and I have to deal with that. There is no background or underlying belief structure to it. I just happened to be conditioned as a child to be afraid of people I guess through unfavorable circumstances or life situations.

I mean maybe it's that simple. Just this fear at the heart of the issue and all these self esteem problems were constructed to wall me off from other people. Take out the fear and those other beliefs might topple too.

I don't know anymore, I really don't. I can barely trust my own judgement when it comes to this stuff. All I know is it seems like when my life gains a bit of momentum I hit this fear like a raw nerve and my mind aborts and throws all kinds of shit my way. I can't keep battling like this my entire life because it gets me nowhere.

[Ars0n1sT]

I'm looking for something else, possibly something new, after I finish my MLS run. What advice would you give to someone who is concerned about how they would act on DMSI in corporate work environment?

[mat422]

I'm looking for something else, possibly something new, after I finish my MLS run. What advice would you give to someone who is concerned about how they would act on DMSI in corporate work environment?

What are your main concerns?

[dissonance]

Do you feet hurt after your 9 hour shifts at work?

[mat422]

Do you feet hurt after your 9 hour shifts at work?

Used to, but not anymore after I fixed my posture. I had to train my feet to maintain their natural arches. I was very flat footed.

---

Alright so something snapped in me tonight, but in a good way. I'm done just coasting through life and hoping for things to turn out ok. I'm going to make things great for myself. I'm not going to limit myself to what I think is possible anymore, I'm just going to focus on what I want in life and let it manifest itself. This means I have to stop giving a shit about the hows and whys or feasibility of things and just use the power of my mind to make it happen. Believe it's going to happen and just leave it at that. I know people have done great things, I know how powerful the mind is, all I have to do is stop getting in my own way and believe I can do the same stuff. There will be doubt, there's always doubt, but I can rise above that doubt.

The hardest part for me seems to be my resistance and how it manifests. Seems like for years now my resistance has manifested in over the top passivity disguised as "peace" or "tranquility" or "spiritual advancement" whatever you want to call it, it was a sham. I was afraid to take control, to direct my life, had this mistaken assumption that too much control over one's life was wrong. But it was all lies, all of it. The more I tried to change, the more my subconscious pulled back into this passive state. It got to the point where life happened to me and I reacted it to it, I didn't control life. Granted there are some events we can't control, but a lot of stuff that happened to me was 100% under my control and I abandon that control. In a way what I retreated into was no different than drugs, I was addicted to making myself feel comfortable to hide what I really felt about my life instead of facing it.

[dissonance]

Do you feet hurt after your 9 hour shifts at work?

Used to, but not anymore after I fixed my posture. I had to train my feet to maintain their natural arches. I was very flat footed.

---

Alright so something snapped in me tonight, but in a good way. I'm done just coasting through life and hoping for things to turn out ok. I'm going to make things great for myself. I'm not going to limit myself to what I think is possible anymore, I'm just going to focus on what I want in life and let it manifest itself. This means I have to stop giving a shit about the hows and whys or feasibility of things and just use the power of my mind to make it happen. Believe it's going to happen and just leave it at that. I know people have done great things, I know how powerful the mind is, all I have to do is stop getting in my own way and believe I can do the same stuff. There will be doubt, there's always doubt, but I can rise above that doubt.

The hardest part for me seems to be my resistance and how it manifests. Seems like for years now my resistance has manifested in over the top passivity disguised as "peace" or "tranquility" or "spiritual advancement" whatever you want to call it, it was a sham. I was afraid to take control, to direct my life, had this mistaken assumption that too much control over one's life was wrong. But it was all lies, all of it. The more I tried to change, the more my subconscious pulled back into this passive state. It got to the point where life happened to me and I reacted it to it, I didn't control life. Granted there are some events we can't control, but a lot of stuff that happened to me was 100% under my control and I abandon that control. In a way what I retreated into was no different than drugs, I was addicted to making myself feel comfortable to hide what I really felt about my life instead of facing it.

I have flat feet too, and this is a problem for me too, as I work at a restaurant as a busser. How did you train your feet to maintain their natural arches? And did you wear shoes with support or no support? How much cushioning? Was your job just standing around only or lots of walking and carrying heavy things around? Do you have plantar fasciitis? I know thats a lot of questions .

[mat422]

Do you feet hurt after your 9 hour shifts at work?

Used to, but not anymore after I fixed my posture. I had to train my feet to maintain their natural arches. I was very flat footed.

---

Alright so something snapped in me tonight, but in a good way. I'm done just coasting through life and hoping for things to turn out ok. I'm going to make things great for myself. I'm not going to limit myself to what I think is possible anymore, I'm just going to focus on what I want in life and let it manifest itself. This means I have to stop giving a shit about the hows and whys or feasibility of things and just use the power of my mind to make it happen. Believe it's going to happen and just leave it at that. I know people have done great things, I know how powerful the mind is, all I have to do is stop getting in my own way and believe I can do the same stuff. There will be doubt, there's always doubt, but I can rise above that doubt.

The hardest part for me seems to be my resistance and how it manifests. Seems like for years now my resistance has manifested in over the top passivity disguised as "peace" or "tranquility" or "spiritual advancement" whatever you want to call it, it was a sham. I was afraid to take control, to direct my life, had this mistaken assumption that too much control over one's life was wrong. But it was all lies, all of it. The more I tried to change, the more my subconscious pulled back into this passive state. It got to the point where life happened to me and I reacted it to it, I didn't control life. Granted there are some events we can't control, but a lot of stuff that happened to me was 100% under my control and I abandon that control. In a way what I retreated into was no different than drugs, I was addicted to making myself feel comfortable to hide what I really felt about my life instead of facing it.

I have flat feet too, and this is a problem for me too, as I work at a restaurant as a busser. How did you train your feet to maintain their natural arches? And did you wear shoes with support or no support? How much cushioning? Was your job just standing around only or lots of walking and carrying heavy things around? Do you have plantar fasciitis? I know thats a lot of questions .

A book I can recommend where I learned everything about fixing my posture. https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Posture-P...merReviews

I actually wear boots at my job, they have some arch support but nothing crazy. No cushioning or anything. Basically what the book teaches you is how to be mindful of your body and exercises to get back into natural alignment. Modern society has screwed our posture and it leads to improper use of our bodies. I used to have plantar fasciitis as well. But when you learn to distribute your weight over your foot properly there is no more pain. I do a lot of standing at my job, but walking around too recovering the sales floor. My motto has always been fixing stuff at the source. Those fancy orthotics, cushioning, special shoes, etc. are just all bandaids for the real problem that isn't addressed often in our modern age.

---

Going to try to be nicer to myself. I treat myself terribly, I've realized that now. And it doesn't get me anywhere. I think if I keep the pressure on myself it'll motivate me to keep getting better. But what I've found is my idea of "better" is still solely based on outside things. Like financial security, getting a job, all that status in society nonsense. I've been missing the most important thing which is actually getting better at an internal level and treating myself better. There's a void in me I've been trying to fill with outside achievements and it hasn't been working out all that well for me.

Last night I listened to the sub and as I did I just told myself everything was ok. I was doing my best and I've been through some rough stuff in my life. Maybe not the roughest, I'm sure there are plenty of others out there less fortunate than me, but that doesn't negate my own need for emotional validation. I told myself so often that I didn't really need to be compassionate with myself because my issues weren't bad enough to warrant it. It was like a competition of who's life was the worst and who was really deserving of being treated nicely. We all deserve compassion because we all suffer in some way. Making it a competition hurts everyone. So often I told myself I should be able to beat this stupid anxiety, get a better job, make more friends, date more women, etc. I criticized myself for everything, but never took the time to just tell myself it was alright that I was having trouble with everything in life.

I knew something was up when every time I went out I felt this need to have every woman I found attractive interested in me. I wanted to see DMSI work for me, so I'd obsess on it. Then I realized this isn't how I want to live my life, looking for external things to keep me happy. Also the weird part is if women did give me attention, I wasn't receptive to it or I got fearful. It's like my ego wanted attention, but just superficial kind of attention that made me feel better. When it came to them knowing the real me, not the DMSI smoke and mirrors, I realized that I still felt I wasn't good enough or there was something wrong with me.

So yeah went in to DMSI with the intent of healing and getting sexier. Coming out feeling like nobody could ever love me for who I am. Shit got real. But I know this is where I need to focus my attention now. I'm realizing more and more this is the kind of stuff I've always been insecure about. My lack of trust in others and my intense disgust with my own need for affection from others drove me into self isolation. I told myself I was above all of it, a lone wolf, independent, what a crock of shit. When I initially read the book on shadow work I thought the author's whole idea of the traits we hate the most in others are our shadow selves, but it's true. For years I absolutely hated people that displayed needy behavior or a desire to be loved for who they are. I refused to acknowledge that inside of me I had the same feelings. Just goes to show you can run all the subliminals you want, but at the end of the day if you aren't willing to face the actual parts of yourself you'll never grow.