10-27-2014, 11:51 AM
Hi All,
I've been reading this forum for a little over a week. I found it after being a member of the pheromone forums at Pherotalk, Pherotruth, and DiscoverXS and seeing how the members have been having surprising results using subliminals.
A little background on me:
I'm in my mid-thirties, married for two years (6 year relationship), and we just had our first child - a boy. I'm a fulltime stay-at-home dad and a part-time work-from-home personal trainer. We have owned our first home for a little over a year.
I have had a natural interest in metaphysics since freshman year of high school, when I found myself magnetically drawn to the metaphysical book section of any Borders or Barnes & Noble. I found a book about out-of-body-experiences or (OBEs) and was determined to learn to achieve them. I have read numerous books since then, as well as been a participant in metaphysical groups/classes, etc. A big part of my adult life has been utilizing the Silva Method and employing A Course in Miracles.
I've always had an interest in hypnosis, NLP, pheromones, spirituality, self-improvement, the paranormal, psychic abilities, etc. Having found this group of people that realize what is possible utilizing the power of the mind, I feel like I've come home. I feel very alone in my beliefs sometimes with the people I'm surrounded by, and it's so great to find a whole group of people I can connect with.
Growing up, I was labeled as a "brain" by the jocks/popular kids. I was never naturally good at sports. I was always funny, but in junior high I got chubby, wore glasses, had braces, poor choices in clothing, played trumpet in band, and got label a nerd. I was scared of girls, got picked on incessantly, and generally had a terrible experience.
I went to a Jesuit high school to escape the kids I went to middle school with. It was a great decision. I stayed involved with music, because I love it. I pretended to be one of the popular kids at church, because they didn't know I was a shy nerd with no self-esteem. It was a place I could pretend to be who I wanted to be, and also where I met...my first-ever girlfriend! That didn't last, though, because the real me came through. I wasn't the confident guy she wanted to have sex with. I was a scared, little boy. I have regrets to this day about that situation. I also tended to befriend ADHD kids, or strange people I found interested that needed my "protection." I still do that, as one of my most trusted friends is one of the most socially-awkward people you'd ever meet (but I trust him with my life).
I want to be completely transparent with this introduction, because I know that's how I'll get the most help from y'all. Over the last 20 years, I've tried changing from all sorts of angles (like "mind-expansion" by using shrooms and LSD, lol). I got jobs that would push my comfort levels, usually socially. I got contacts, tried dressing lilke guys who got girls dressed (early on, my wife dresses me now, lol). I got into great shape through diet and exercise, and learned I was good at helping others do the same - so I went against the grain of my childhood (non-athletic), got a degree in exercise science, and became a personal trainer (also how I met my wife - she was a hot little blonde client in college, 8 years my junior - yeah, buddy!).
I've done a lot of "positive" things since high school...I quit smoking through hypnosis (same time I got into fitness), and used self-confidence hypnosis recordings. I've tried some of Bandler's NLP stuff. I've meditated, with varying periods of regularity. I've completed the Silva Method, read A Course in Miracles, and practice it's principles as often as I can. Yet...
I've had a helluva ride these last 10 years. Where I never used to drink a lot, I drink more (especially the last 3 years). I used to never drink alone, now I do all the time, or even more-so. I used to be a happy, funny drunk...Now I can get angry, destructive, and abusive with my language. When I get hurt by someone whose opinion means a lot to me, I lash out and go for the jugular (emotionally). I know what pushes peoples buttons, and I can smash 'em hard.
I get easily irritated. My wife thinks I'm mad at her all the time. My life has changed drastically since meeting her, and while I love her with all my heart, I sometimes find that I also resent her. I used to have a significant social life, whereas now responsibility has whittled it away to almost nothing. One of my best friends from high school, whom I had considered a brother and my closest confidant - someone I thought I'd have in my wedding, would know my kids, and be in my life until death - wrote me out of his life because of my growing relationship with her (about two years into our dating/courtship). Just like that, I meant nothing to him. I tried to rekindle the friendship so many times, but he even wrote off our other friends just to be out of my life. Emotionally devastating! (EFT has helped a little bit to this point dealing with it).
These days, I find I increasingly look at other women and fantasize about having an affair. My wife is so busy with a fulltime job, fulltime graduate school, and being a mother that our sex life is worse than ever. It was only great the first two years of our relationship. I LOVE sex, physical intimacy, etc. To her, sex isn't that important, and she has some issues to where she hasn't even french kissed me for the last 4 years (she was physically and verbally abused by a past longterm boyfriend as a teen - a boyfriend she thought she owed for rescuing her from a kidnapper - true story). I joke that she's every man's dream (except for sexual frequency) because she's beautiful, smart, is a sugar-mamma, and doesn't want any foreplay - just straight fuckin', as-fast-as-possible, git 'er done! She's almost like a man in that sense. In this relationship, *I'm* the emotionally sensitive one!
So, anyway, this is getting really long, so I'll sum up. I have been extemely unhappy for some years now, and it's just been getting worse. My anger has increased, dark thoughts and negativity pervade my existance, I find reason to see the bad in everything (whereas I used to see the bright side, or try to), I resent others who have the things and/or experiences I want to have, sexual obsession is taking hold (been getting voyeuritic, and I'm even find myself attracted to my sister-in-law & my intentions are getting her attention - bad news, man), porn/television/internet addiction, I can't get excited about exercise, I eat like shit, drink too much, look everwhere for validation, complain about everything, hate my job, feel like my home is a prison, get easily impatient with my wife and son, even angry...the list is terrible, growing, and has to stop. Most recently, got back into pheromones, but I feel like I'm just using them to get power back into my life in the most wrong of ways. And finally, I guess I just felt like I had tried in so many ways to change myself and get happy, but ultimately always ended up unhappy, and so I started to really just give up.
I can't be this man for my son or my wife. He's only 6 months old, and is such a sweet boy. He deserves a great life uninfluenced by the sins of his father. I don't want to pass any of this negative shit on. In fact, not only do they (wife & son) both deserve better, but *I* deserve better. I feel like I'd almost given up. Reading about subliminals, I have hope for the first time in a long while. It's rekindled my old beliefs that change comes from within. I've started to take up mediation again, get more social, and this week started a 5G subliminal by listening to the Emotional Pain Relief and Healing Aid. I look forward to being involved in this community and start making positive change in my life so I can make the lives around me better, instead of being so negative. I had forgotten about the power of the mind, and using valuable mind tools to get my footing back. Just when I was about to give up, here I am.
Day 6 of EPRHA (and already feel like I'm working through some stuff!). I plan on doing at least 32 days, and find myself impatient to try many of the subs (which I understand I can't with 5G, just one at a time!). I definitely need to let go of some past emotional hurts, get a hold on my irritability/frustration/anger, stop living viacariously through tv & movies, and start getting a more positive mindset.
P.S. I never had a great relationship with my dad. I was definitely not his favortie - too stubborn, head strong, and rebellious. I feel like I was never good enough or did what he wanted me to do. He left my brother and sister debt free from school, but told me that I pissed him off too much, so I didn't deserve it. That debt still follows my family, while the others got a clean slate. I resent that, and need to get passed it. Even though I know he loves me, he still goes out of his way to tell me how tough I was to raise, and that the only time time he ever almost left my mom was when I was living with them while I took a break from college and that either I had to go, or he would go. Nice to know that your dad would rather divorce your mom than want you in his house. Ya woulda though I was a violent drug dealer. I've done some EFT, journaling, and forgiveness work to help with it, but I'm hoping this sub I'm using will help more.
Anyway, sorry for the rambling thoughts, just wanted to get everything I could think of at the moment out there.
I've been reading this forum for a little over a week. I found it after being a member of the pheromone forums at Pherotalk, Pherotruth, and DiscoverXS and seeing how the members have been having surprising results using subliminals.
A little background on me:
I'm in my mid-thirties, married for two years (6 year relationship), and we just had our first child - a boy. I'm a fulltime stay-at-home dad and a part-time work-from-home personal trainer. We have owned our first home for a little over a year.
I have had a natural interest in metaphysics since freshman year of high school, when I found myself magnetically drawn to the metaphysical book section of any Borders or Barnes & Noble. I found a book about out-of-body-experiences or (OBEs) and was determined to learn to achieve them. I have read numerous books since then, as well as been a participant in metaphysical groups/classes, etc. A big part of my adult life has been utilizing the Silva Method and employing A Course in Miracles.
I've always had an interest in hypnosis, NLP, pheromones, spirituality, self-improvement, the paranormal, psychic abilities, etc. Having found this group of people that realize what is possible utilizing the power of the mind, I feel like I've come home. I feel very alone in my beliefs sometimes with the people I'm surrounded by, and it's so great to find a whole group of people I can connect with.
Growing up, I was labeled as a "brain" by the jocks/popular kids. I was never naturally good at sports. I was always funny, but in junior high I got chubby, wore glasses, had braces, poor choices in clothing, played trumpet in band, and got label a nerd. I was scared of girls, got picked on incessantly, and generally had a terrible experience.
I went to a Jesuit high school to escape the kids I went to middle school with. It was a great decision. I stayed involved with music, because I love it. I pretended to be one of the popular kids at church, because they didn't know I was a shy nerd with no self-esteem. It was a place I could pretend to be who I wanted to be, and also where I met...my first-ever girlfriend! That didn't last, though, because the real me came through. I wasn't the confident guy she wanted to have sex with. I was a scared, little boy. I have regrets to this day about that situation. I also tended to befriend ADHD kids, or strange people I found interested that needed my "protection." I still do that, as one of my most trusted friends is one of the most socially-awkward people you'd ever meet (but I trust him with my life).
I want to be completely transparent with this introduction, because I know that's how I'll get the most help from y'all. Over the last 20 years, I've tried changing from all sorts of angles (like "mind-expansion" by using shrooms and LSD, lol). I got jobs that would push my comfort levels, usually socially. I got contacts, tried dressing lilke guys who got girls dressed (early on, my wife dresses me now, lol). I got into great shape through diet and exercise, and learned I was good at helping others do the same - so I went against the grain of my childhood (non-athletic), got a degree in exercise science, and became a personal trainer (also how I met my wife - she was a hot little blonde client in college, 8 years my junior - yeah, buddy!).
I've done a lot of "positive" things since high school...I quit smoking through hypnosis (same time I got into fitness), and used self-confidence hypnosis recordings. I've tried some of Bandler's NLP stuff. I've meditated, with varying periods of regularity. I've completed the Silva Method, read A Course in Miracles, and practice it's principles as often as I can. Yet...
I've had a helluva ride these last 10 years. Where I never used to drink a lot, I drink more (especially the last 3 years). I used to never drink alone, now I do all the time, or even more-so. I used to be a happy, funny drunk...Now I can get angry, destructive, and abusive with my language. When I get hurt by someone whose opinion means a lot to me, I lash out and go for the jugular (emotionally). I know what pushes peoples buttons, and I can smash 'em hard.
I get easily irritated. My wife thinks I'm mad at her all the time. My life has changed drastically since meeting her, and while I love her with all my heart, I sometimes find that I also resent her. I used to have a significant social life, whereas now responsibility has whittled it away to almost nothing. One of my best friends from high school, whom I had considered a brother and my closest confidant - someone I thought I'd have in my wedding, would know my kids, and be in my life until death - wrote me out of his life because of my growing relationship with her (about two years into our dating/courtship). Just like that, I meant nothing to him. I tried to rekindle the friendship so many times, but he even wrote off our other friends just to be out of my life. Emotionally devastating! (EFT has helped a little bit to this point dealing with it).
These days, I find I increasingly look at other women and fantasize about having an affair. My wife is so busy with a fulltime job, fulltime graduate school, and being a mother that our sex life is worse than ever. It was only great the first two years of our relationship. I LOVE sex, physical intimacy, etc. To her, sex isn't that important, and she has some issues to where she hasn't even french kissed me for the last 4 years (she was physically and verbally abused by a past longterm boyfriend as a teen - a boyfriend she thought she owed for rescuing her from a kidnapper - true story). I joke that she's every man's dream (except for sexual frequency) because she's beautiful, smart, is a sugar-mamma, and doesn't want any foreplay - just straight fuckin', as-fast-as-possible, git 'er done! She's almost like a man in that sense. In this relationship, *I'm* the emotionally sensitive one!
So, anyway, this is getting really long, so I'll sum up. I have been extemely unhappy for some years now, and it's just been getting worse. My anger has increased, dark thoughts and negativity pervade my existance, I find reason to see the bad in everything (whereas I used to see the bright side, or try to), I resent others who have the things and/or experiences I want to have, sexual obsession is taking hold (been getting voyeuritic, and I'm even find myself attracted to my sister-in-law & my intentions are getting her attention - bad news, man), porn/television/internet addiction, I can't get excited about exercise, I eat like shit, drink too much, look everwhere for validation, complain about everything, hate my job, feel like my home is a prison, get easily impatient with my wife and son, even angry...the list is terrible, growing, and has to stop. Most recently, got back into pheromones, but I feel like I'm just using them to get power back into my life in the most wrong of ways. And finally, I guess I just felt like I had tried in so many ways to change myself and get happy, but ultimately always ended up unhappy, and so I started to really just give up.
I can't be this man for my son or my wife. He's only 6 months old, and is such a sweet boy. He deserves a great life uninfluenced by the sins of his father. I don't want to pass any of this negative shit on. In fact, not only do they (wife & son) both deserve better, but *I* deserve better. I feel like I'd almost given up. Reading about subliminals, I have hope for the first time in a long while. It's rekindled my old beliefs that change comes from within. I've started to take up mediation again, get more social, and this week started a 5G subliminal by listening to the Emotional Pain Relief and Healing Aid. I look forward to being involved in this community and start making positive change in my life so I can make the lives around me better, instead of being so negative. I had forgotten about the power of the mind, and using valuable mind tools to get my footing back. Just when I was about to give up, here I am.
Day 6 of EPRHA (and already feel like I'm working through some stuff!). I plan on doing at least 32 days, and find myself impatient to try many of the subs (which I understand I can't with 5G, just one at a time!). I definitely need to let go of some past emotional hurts, get a hold on my irritability/frustration/anger, stop living viacariously through tv & movies, and start getting a more positive mindset.
P.S. I never had a great relationship with my dad. I was definitely not his favortie - too stubborn, head strong, and rebellious. I feel like I was never good enough or did what he wanted me to do. He left my brother and sister debt free from school, but told me that I pissed him off too much, so I didn't deserve it. That debt still follows my family, while the others got a clean slate. I resent that, and need to get passed it. Even though I know he loves me, he still goes out of his way to tell me how tough I was to raise, and that the only time time he ever almost left my mom was when I was living with them while I took a break from college and that either I had to go, or he would go. Nice to know that your dad would rather divorce your mom than want you in his house. Ya woulda though I was a violent drug dealer. I've done some EFT, journaling, and forgiveness work to help with it, but I'm hoping this sub I'm using will help more.
Anyway, sorry for the rambling thoughts, just wanted to get everything I could think of at the moment out there.
