Guy's UMS Journal

[guyinlahore]

Day 36

I was more positive and relaxed. We have some meetings in the office and I was more confident and interacted better with everyone including the big boss. Later in the evening we had dinner together, the boss came and sat next to me. I cracked few mini jokes and he seemed quite friendly and we had a nice handshake when we left.

[Shannon]

Sounds like progress.

[guyinlahore]

Day 37

I had another series of meeting in which my boss was there. I was more confident and I was felt the boss gave me more importance and weight age. There is this one guy who is favorite of the boss. Normally he does not like to hear anything bad about him. I mentioned some thing work related and he was quite accepting of my remarks.

I had a thought about going overboard about my confidence and maybe I need to hold myself back and set some boundaries.

[guyinlahore]

I was very busy last few days.

I had a set of meetings within the company. I was confident and was able to say a lot of things confidently. We had dinner and I connected quite nicely with the big boss.
I am starting to love the sub. Socially I have always been awkward and this is a huge difference.
I am also aware of the fact, that I should not go overboard and keep the assumed limits within the office environment.

I was planning to do the sub for 3 days straight at least, but I got home quite late and did not feel the energy to do it. During the weekend, I was super productive. I cleaned and decluttered various things and areas in the home. I still have to declutter my office.

[guyinlahore]

Day 41

I ran 8 loops. In the morning, my wife gave me a hug and a kiss. I was straight forward in the office. I have noticed that I am serious and do not tolerate nonsense any bit.
There is a girl in office who is friendly towards me. Today she came to talked to me 2 times, called me 3 times over some petty stuff which could have been conversed in one go.
I have also noticed that men in general have started taking me more seriously. I think some guys get either jealous or something similar. If I honk the horn, drivers get pretty mad.

[guyinlahore]

Day 42

I again ran 8 loops last night. First all of I am tired physically. My back feels tired. My ears feel sore from wearing the sleep phones all night.
I had to go to a utility company to sort out some issue. My slight intuition told me to go to area office but I went straight to the head office. They guided me to the right person in the area office. I told him the problem and it was solved. I think I improved on procrastination and addressing the problem head one. This issue was there for some time.
I felt bit more emphatic on the road towards other drivers especially motor bikes.

Today I felt a change in myself. I feel that yesterday when I did the 8 loops I was up against resistance and wasted a lot of time in just checking phone, checking news etc. Today I feel quite light. I am not feeling not wanting to do any work. While I was driving to office I realized that I am not stereotyping people. Like when I see a big SUV I assume the guy is rogue, he has black money, he is not paying taxes, he will bully other drivers etc etc. I was just seeing a big SUV and just seeing it as a machine. The same is my feeling towards other drivers especially the bicycles, rickshaws and bikes who are always behaving erratically on the road. I had the same feeling in the utility company office. I did not feel like bashing anyone in particular and although the issue was the fault of the utility company, the guys dealing with me took it quite maturely & seriously. I had visited the company in the past for same issue but without any success. In particular I did not feel like punishing anyone. I think it might be due to some past issue / pain which was trying to find  some outlet and now maybe either it is healed or solved. I am not stereotyping or placing everyone in a place due to some past behavior or my opinion. I also did not feel the type of jealousy or negative behavior which I experienced yesterday from other guys. I am also not feeling jealous about other people stuff which I think is good.

I had a brief interaction with the big boss during some casual meeting. Normally he is very sarcastic, but he was quite normal and nice. I think I messed up on one of his questions.

By night time I was a bit irritated and just wanted to sleep. My wife was pushing me to discuss some financial issues and I wanted to postpone it to another day. I felt some depression also on the financial situation and felt very low at night. 

I had another 8 loops at night.

[guyinlahore]

Day 43

I ran 8 loops last night.

In the morning went to the bank. The girl at the counter glanced at me several times.  I have noticed that I am becoming very soft / nice towards people. Got almost 50% green traffic lights on my way to office.

[guyinlahore]

After running 8 loops for 7 nights, I had a break of 6 days. I was planning to break for 3 days but was very very busy and it was impossible for run the sub for 11+ hours. I feel the effects wore out in like 3-4 days although on one side I believe that the 7 days of continuous exposure changed something in me permanently. When the effects wore off I started to feel negative, less confident of achieving financial freedom. Now that I have time I will evaluate things and my behavior.

The days were physically exhausting for me since I was in office at 8 am and reached almost every day at midnight. Overall things were quite positive. I am quite mentally tired from last work and do not feel inclined to write a long post. I think I had more stares / attention from ladies. I was more interactive / friendly with the big boss and his bosses from the headquarter. I think in some social conversation I went slightly overboard and need to keep the boundaries in mind.

There were some occasions where I think I backed off due to feeling scared / exposed.

I listened to 8 loops last night. I feel quiet positive today.

[guyinlahore]

This is my listening record so far.

2-Oct-19 Wednesday   Day 1 1 loop
3-Oct-19 Thursday      Day 2
4-Oct-19 Friday           Day 3
5-Oct-19 Saturday       Day 4
6-Oct-19 Sunday         Day 5
7-Oct-19 Monday        Day 6
8-Oct-19 Tuesday       Day 7
9-Oct-19 Wednesday  Day 8 1 loop
10-Oct-19 Thursday   Day 9 5 loops
11-Oct-19 Friday        Day 10
12-Oct-19 Saturday    Day 11
13-Oct-19 Sunday      Day 12
14-Oct-19 Monday     Day 13
15-Oct-19 Tuesday     Day 14 6 loops
16-Oct-19 Wednesday  Day 15
17-Oct-19 Thursday   Day 16
18-Oct-19 Friday       Day 17
19-Oct-19 Saturday   Day 18
20-Oct-19 Sunday       Day 19 6 loops
21-Oct-19 Monday      Day 20
22-Oct-19 Tuesday      Day 21 8 loops
23-Oct-19 Wednesday   Day 22
24-Oct-19 Thursday    Day 23
25-Oct-19 Friday        Day 24
26-Oct-19 Saturday    Day 25 8 loops
27-Oct-19 Sunday       Day 26
28-Oct-19 Monday      Day 27
29-Oct-19 Tuesday       Day 28
30-Oct-19 Wednesday Day 29 8 loops
31-Oct-19 Thursday    Day 30
1-Nov-19 Friday          Day 31
2-Nov-19 Saturday       Day 32
3-Nov-19 Sunday        Day 33 8 loops
4-Nov-19 Monday        Day 34
5-Nov-19 Tuesday        Day 35
6-Nov-19 Wednesday   Day 36
7-Nov-19 Thursday      Day 37 8 loops
8-Nov-19 Friday           Day 38
9-Nov-19 Saturday      Day 39
10-Nov-19 Sunday      Day 40
11-Nov-19 Monday      Day 41 8 loops
12-Nov-19 Tuesday     Day 42 8 loops
13-Nov-19 Wednesday Day 43 8 loops
14-Nov-19 Thursday    Day 44 8 loops
15-Nov-19 Friday         Day 45 8 loops
16-Nov-19 Saturday     Day 46 8 loops
17-Nov-19 Sunday       Day 47 8 loops
18-Nov-19 Monday      Day 48
19-Nov-19 Tuesday     Day 49
20-Nov-19 Wednesday Day 50
21-Nov-19 Thursday    Day 51
22-Nov-19 Friday        Day 52
23-Nov-19 Saturday    Day 53
24-Nov-19 Sunday      Day 54 8 loops

[guyinlahore]

I was fine through the day. I felt a bit fearful during the day. I could not identify the reason / cause of that fear. In the late afternoon, I heard about someone getting promotion and I was like what has that guy done to get the promotion. I have worked more than him with more responsibility and I get less salary than him.
I had this bout of about 2-3 hours and thinking what I am going to do, from confronting the boss, shouting in the office, writing complaint emails etc. By night time I was a bit relaxed and normal. But the thing is still in my mind.

[guyinlahore]

Over the last few days ever since the last run of the sub I have been feeling this fear. Sometimes when I am climbing down stairs I feel fear of falling down. While driving I feel this fear of getting hurt. I felt this fear of being so vulnerable as a human being. I had this general fear also without knowing the cause or what I am fearing. I was also feeling scared when I listened to 8 loops of UMS. Its like you know something is coming / facing you but in this case I am clueless.

Another celebrity effect of UMS. Last night I went to a wedding party. As soon as I entered the building, a group of women greeted me loudly saying my name. Another woman said hello loudly and shouted my name. Another patted me on the shoulder. This was quite unexpected for me. I felt extremely shy, could barely speak. I returned the greeting to one woman in the last. I did not even look at the other women and kept on walking. I had the urge to escape from the feeling and situation.

[Shannon]

Experiencing these fears consciously is how you start working through them. You may not understand what is being feared, but this means you're working through things.

The celebrity effect seems to be a result of a "wealthy and successful" aura that the program produces. Enjoy it. Nothing to fear.

[guyinlahore]

Day 65
Last night I went for some car repair. The guy quoted me a fixed rate on telephone, but when I went to get the work , I got a good discount. It was not much in absolute terms but quite good. I also notice lots of repeated numbers during the evening and way home like 666, 7777, 333 and so on. I noticed most of these numbers on car number plates. I have never seen such numbers in so much quantity in one day. At night wife was super nice to me and made some nice meal out of ordinary.

I listened to 8 loops last night. Probably the volume was bit high and I woke up with a slight headache which vanished in about one hour. I also had some dreams about which I could not make much, pretty seemed like normal stuff.

Overall I am feeling like kind of some demotivated for last 2-3 days. I am unable to understand why. Maybe the sub is working on something and I am subconsciously facing something or like that. I am just postponing stuff. I am feeling ok behavior wise but just do not want to work or do anything. I am doing only what needs to be done now and putting off other things to next week.

[guyinlahore]

I have not posted in around one week, was very busy and could not bring myself to update.

There are some similarities i have found in the last 2-3 runs.
1. I start the 8 loops at around 7pm at night so that i finish the loops by early morning. In the last 2 loops, when i started i started receiving calls from my office colleague and boss, which is not the normal. I had to take the call and then return to sub. In the last 3rd loop, someone came to meet me unexpectedly and i had to stop and then restart the loops.

2. I have started to feel headache in the front of my head by the time I finish the loops. This headache takes around half a day to finish. I am thinking to reduce the loops from 8 to 5.

A break of 3 days between loops seem fine to me. I have seen several dreams most of which seem to be good, while a small number did not felt right. i have also noticed that I tend to panic and react too much to small negative situations.

My annual bonus is due end of this month. My boss was hinting about his limiting powers, maybe trying to mentally prepare me for any unexpected or less amount. I got so pissed off all day. I got better the next day. Lets see what happens.