Guy's UMS Journal

[guyinlahore]

Day 16
I did not feel the desire to run the loops again and felt that I need to wait few days.

I met my mentor today. I started my eCommerce business last December and I am selling a physical product. His feedback was brutal:
- I need to spend at least 3-4 hours daily on my business (currently at 1 hour)
- I need to invest around $10,000 to make it successful (currently no more funds available)
- I was slow in the progress and the competition has now become tough
- or sell another product - need at least $5,000 to start

I am quite upset over today's meeting. He thinks I am wasting my time on the business. I have invested over $7,000 on the business so far. He thinks I should just do my job as I am not focused and not spending time on the business. I am at a loss on what to do.
I will talk to my partner tomorrow, but I do not think whether he will want to proceed further in such a scenario. Even if he agrees to invest the amount or want to proceed with another product or same product, my time constraint is a big factor. I cannot commit to spend 3-4 hours daily on the business. I have full time job which pays my bills and keeps me afloat. I have home and children responsibilities. I can spare most 1-2 hours at night.

Another negative thing which I noticed is about a website I started few years back. I have not worked on the site for long time, but I still earn $20 - $100 every month from it from advertising. This month it is $0 so far. Could it be internal resistance that is affecting me?

[guyinlahore]

Day 17

I had a long discussion with my partner and he has asked me to stop the business. He is willing to put in the money only if I can find someone to work on it full time on daily basis. Thats mean the full stop of the business. This is the business I started one year ago and used USLM3 for this.  Could UMS changing the  track of what I achieved on USLM3?

I don't know what to do. I mean this is the second big setback I have received in October. The first was an emotional one and now this is a financial one. I mean I do not understand how things will turn out in terms of the goal. I do not think that job / salary can help me achieve my financial goals. People all over the world who become wealthy / rich do through their businesses. 

I listened to 6 loops last night. My plan was to listen to 8 loops, but I asleep while watching a youtube video. I woke up in the middle of the night and started my loops. I managed to finish 6 loops and came to office a bit late today.

[Shannon]

You are in this position solely and completely because of your fear of success. I suggest 8 loops once and 3-4 days bloom per cycle. But you're going to have to figure out the root of that fear and face it down mercilessly.

[guyinlahore]

You are in this position solely and completely because of your fear of success.  I suggest 8 loops once and 3-4 days bloom per cycle.  But you're going to have to figure out the root of that fear and face it down mercilessly.

Do you think I should carpet bomb 8 loops for 4 days and then rest for 3-4 days? I mean that might finish whatever the fear is.

[Shannon]

What I was suggesting was 1x8, 3-4x0. It is my opinion that more than a day of 8 loops at a time is going to be overkill for the majority of people and circumstances. But if you feel like that's a good idea, give it a shot. It may work well for you.

[guyinlahore]

I did the 1st day of the 8 loops last night after a break of 3 days. I miscalculated the time. It turns out to be 11 hours and 12 minutes. I started at 11:00pm and the loops finished by 10:00am and I came to office late. During the night, at one time the loop stopped as I accidentally pulled the wire out of the phone. I put it back in and continued.

I feel very tired mentally. When I listened to other subs, I could sleep easily and had very little interference in my sleep. With UMS I feel quite, disturbed would not be the right word, I think I feel quite different maybe.

I have noticed that this morning, I still am having those negative or deprived thoughts that I am not successful and not wealthy as other people but this is not affecting me emotionally as before. I think it is a pattern in my mind which is not eliminated and still coming as before. When I look at other big cars and SUVs on the road, I do not feel intimidated as before. I feel kind of neutral.
I feel quite relaxed. I have been working on various small businesses in addition to my job and I was straining quite hard. Suddenly I am feeling comfortable and relaxed and not tense to earn money. Somewhere inside I feel content.
I think a huge tension is gone. I mean I would not have the thought to feel so normal after letting go of the business. But now when I think of it I feel quite undisturbed by it. I do not feel any pain over the loss of investment.Maybe I am enjoying the rest or the free time available to me, I cannot say for sure. But I am feeling quite positive despite of not succeeding in the business. Its like I am realigning myself internally all over everything. It is quite strange.

Overall I have felt more the need to improve my lifestyle or myself. I had new trouser lying in the shelf for sometime and now I have started using it. I am feeling inclined to buy good quality food for myself instead of saving money. Maybe I am getting more self focused.

Another thing I have noticed is that time is not flying. My feelings in the past were that I am sitting on say top of a train or a car and it is moving fast at hundreds of miles per hour and I am frantically trying to do something so that life does not end before I achieve my goals. Everything was moving very fast and I had no time to do this or that. Now it feels very calm and peaceful like I am on top of a horse cart perhaps or maybe walking slowly and moving slowly and enjoying the breeze. I cannot understand the reason how and why this changed. But it all feels very calm and slow.

Coincidentally I stumbled upon an interview of a woman on youtube yesterday. This women happens to be from a rich wealthy family and is on TV. As I listened to her interview, I realized or it dawned on me about her problems and what she went through life and I felt very happy. She had a broken home, a failed marriage, abusive husband, career problems and so on. Now she is settled in her 2nd marriage and sober and mature. I do not know why but I felt quite happy. Its like some happiness liquid released in me. I felt very good of myself. I did not feel bad for her or happy on what happened to her. I was just happy for myself, maybe because apart of money I am better than her in family life or maybe because money is not the solution for everything. Maybe because inside somewhere I had the impression that since I am not rich I was not good enough for someone like her level.

The celebrity effect / DMSI effect is quite there. I have noticed women looking / staring at me for 1-2 seconds and then move on. People in general are behaving quite nicely towards me in general.
I also have been walking and behaving in a straight posture lately, specifically with my back straight.

[guyinlahore]

My initial plan was to do carpet bombing i.e 8 loops for 3-4 days and see the result. My 1st day was so tiring that I let go of that plan and now I will wait for 4 days and then do 8 loops again.

There was another unexpected hitch in my business. Although I am not continuing the business but I still have to sell off the existing inventory. First the online vendor stopped my sales and emailed saying my credit card is not valid and they cannot charge it for the expenses. This totally does not make any sense. My credit card is valid and I have asked them to recheck it.

The celebrity effect of I would rather say DMSI effect is quite strong. Everywhere I go, women would look at me or rather stare at me. I have also noticed this is with girls / women of my age or younger. I did not notice the same effect with few old women I passed by in the market. Maybe it is with women who are looking for relationship etc. Last night my wife grabbed me and initiated sex. This is a bit unusual behaviour on her part. In the morning she was also looking at me differently. I was wondering maybe I bought DMSI instead of UMS.

[guyinlahore]

Today was the 4th day of rest. People were overall nicer to me but not like on the 1st day. I was upset, cranky and irritated on the slightest thing today. I could not control my anger and frustration. I went to a shop and had the same feeling that I am poor and cannot afford to buy stuff in this shop and not good enough. Btw this was a vegetable shop.

I am going to do 8 loops tonight.

[guyinlahore]

I listened to 8 loops last night. When I started the loops I was feeling a bit scared and was feeling that I might take out the earphone during the night. The night went smooth. I slept soundly. I had a dream, which I remembered when I woke up but do not remember now. I was mentally tired and exhausted when I woke up but later I felt ok.

I was emotionally ok when I got up, but then after 1-2 hours, I got quite expressive. I said a lot of things to my wife. She was quite upset and still is angry at me. I think I was trying to put out all my negative feelings and complaints against her since my marriage. My parents think I have gotten hard-hearted in the near past days.

I was thinking during the day about the fear which is holding me back. I was wondering how would I know what it is and how will I overcome it? I have spend around half my life and whether I will be able to be prosperous or even rich.

The business is almost finished. The payment issue is not resolved and my partner seems to be disinterested.

Another thing is that I have become more self centered or more comfortable about myself. In the past I used to travel to a city for some work and return back the same day ( around 5 hours one side). I would leave early in the morning and return around midnight. I have to go again in few days and I am thinking I will stay the night and return back next day instead of same day return. One day go and return would be hectic. I am also thinking of buying new clothes for myself.

[guyinlahore]

Today I was super productive and finished lots of work by 4 pm and was exhausted too much. I shifted one task to tomorrow and spent time doing petty stuff.
I came out of a shop after buying somethings. A girl was standing nearby. She looked at me and started to walk towards me. She looked at me with a fixed gaze and then after I had sat in my car walked away.
My wife approached me and talked to me after my outburst yesterday. I made no attempt to mend any thing, but she wanted to patch up.
I had a website which I have been trying to sell for 2 years now. Today I managed to sold it. I had spent around $900 on the site and sold it for $400. I am happy to get rid of it inspite of the loss as I had not worked on for a long time and was not earning anything from it.

I still feel that UMS is making me realign my life. I today remembered that I did not get some tax refunds for myself and my wife from last year. I am planning to replace some shoe / trouser. I am thinking differently when thinking of purchasing or buying stuff. Till last month when I was thinking of buying stuff, there was an automatic voice from within: " I cannot afford it, I am poor". Now I am following a more structured approach, whether I need it, Can I afford it, Should I buy it etc etc

By night time I am quite tired and sleeping 1 hour early.

[guyinlahore]

Day 28

I slept early and woke up early than usual. I had a dream that I am with the mechanic to fix my car. He calls another mechanic to do something. The mechanic seem to be working on a part outside the car. It is dark and I cannot make out the surrounding place.
I feel this urge to declutter my life, my workplace and my home. Yesterday I made a "to do" list first thing in the morning. Today I made a similar one.
My trip is postponed due to some reasons.

In the evening, I was invited to a relative's house for dinner. I acted quiet confidently and relaxed. I talked and laughed and I myself am a bit surprised at my behavior. All the invitees were my relatives. In the past I have always been comparing my financial success with them, but today it did not come to my mind at all. In fact all of them are rich.

[guyinlahore]

Day 30
I listened to 8 loops last night. Something happened and the sound (trickling stream) became low. I tried to increase the volume and it was full. The sound was like very low. I thought to myself the earphones are damaged or the cable is damaged. In the morning when I woke up, I increased the volume and it went up.

In the morning, I felt I am on track. I have noticed whenever I listen to the sub, I tend to drive faster like I have to reach somewhere fast. I am feeling good.

In the office, a coworker was looking at me with dreamy eyes. At home I had some relatives - older women were behaving like super fond of me. Wife kissed me 2 times.

[guyinlahore]

I listened to 8 loops last night and as usual I came to office late.

Overall I feel so far I have been thinking about decluttering a lot. I have been cleaning and arranging stuff but not as much as I think I will do. I am also analyzing my financial situation my family's one , my financial history etc. It seems UMS is making me realize and be more aware of the facts like a reality check.

My mood has been positive overall. I am feeling confident.

When I think about my goal I do not think it can be achieved with job salary alone unless UMS is guiding me to some other process. My business is on a fullstop. My mentor has asked me to get rid of inventory and find some other product to sell.

[guyinlahore]

Day 35

Got some green traffic signals today. Overall feeling positive. I am trying to sell the remaining inventory but again unexpected problems; credit card is again declined although it is still valid.