Foundations of self confidence - OSC

[Johannesbrst]

The more I run OSC the more clear it becomes how much I have needed something directed toward particularly self-confidence.

This month running the program has not just been fun, it has more been like going into the center of the storm that has been causing much of my own insecurity and anxiety. 

At moments I have been acutely aware of emotions that I might have been surpressing - perhaps due to accepting a state of discouragement born from a belief that it couldn't be changed, making it hard to bear the reality of it, thus rather pushing it away. 

But something has changed. Instead of feeling the fear and hopelessness toward my current state, I feel anger. The fear has been telling me that it's not safe to be to loud, to boast, to cross a few lines. And I have listened. 

Now I've started to challenge what has been the truth, and seen that life won't crumble under you when you deviate a bit from the well-worn path. You still find solid ground at the end of each step even if you sometimes can't see where you are planting your feet while taking it. As this new way of engaging with reality start to show itself, so is the confidence increasing about its existence.

Fear has been holding its grip around my ability to discover who I can be for a long time, but I've discovered a counteractive force in the shape of an anger that will no longer accept to be held down.

[Shannon]

Bravo!

[Johannesbrst]

Yesterday, while at the gym, I noticed myself being less bothered by the idea of trying not to make too much sound while exercising. I can be quite vocal when I'm really pushing myself to the limits, and yesterday it felt like I was even less held back than usual. Instead of worrying about what others might think, I gave myself more freedom to let my body do what it needed to do. It felt like the opposite of fear.

I think I carry some deep-seated beliefs about "not behaving in ways that might irritate others," but I believe that to be a healthy man you need to live according to what feels true in your body, rather than what you think is true in your head. This may ruffle some feathers for sure, but as long as you’re not infringing upon someone else's boundaries, that issue lies with them. I feel people today live way more in their heads than we did before the digital age, and the acceptance that "men are men" has become increasingly rare. The good thing, though, is you don't need anyone else's permission to be a man—you just need to overcome your own internal resistance to it.

I recently watched a Netflix series featuring a character named Ferry Bauman. Although he's definitely not a good guy—since he's involved in selling illegal drugs—the way his character is portrayed illustrates in many ways the masculine freedom I'm trying to describe above:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qs9_5Ipc...el=Netflix