I went to my meeting. I realized during the meeting, and from something we read, why I'd not grown much. As I sat there, with men and women, I realized
1. I kept quiet around men since I have put them in parental roles for years. God forbid I should tell them or be honest. They might reject me; in my mind I'd already "seen" it many times.
2. I sat near women, and I had put them in parental figures too. I sat near one woman who's liked me, and I realize--yuck--I put a possible lover into a parent role--I had done the same with my wife, and it completely snuffed out attraction. (who'd want to sleep with their mother?) I'd never noticed this before, but I knew I'd shut down sexual desires regularly in meetings in years past.
It is a 2 hour meeting. Only 6 people there, and I didn't share yet. Finally, a reading on codependency came up, and I shared why I'd been quiet. I never shared the sexual stuff, only the expectations I put on many people so many years. Surprisingly (a good thing) was my share was much more emotionally vulnerable, and it affected other's shares following mine. The "book talk" where people spit out program phrases constantly just deafens me, as some "know" a lot, but haven't grown much.
I also shared how I'd read someone's post here (not naming anyone or IML), how one writer shared he shared his concerns, hangups, and struggles in AA meetings regularly to defuse the tension they created, and that's why I was sharing. I shared I'd spent many years in meetings, holding it in and feeling worse after.......for doing that never made me feel better.
I did feel better after I shared. Thank you for being real here Eternity. I heard you, and it worked for me too.
1. I kept quiet around men since I have put them in parental roles for years. God forbid I should tell them or be honest. They might reject me; in my mind I'd already "seen" it many times.
2. I sat near women, and I had put them in parental figures too. I sat near one woman who's liked me, and I realize--yuck--I put a possible lover into a parent role--I had done the same with my wife, and it completely snuffed out attraction. (who'd want to sleep with their mother?) I'd never noticed this before, but I knew I'd shut down sexual desires regularly in meetings in years past.
It is a 2 hour meeting. Only 6 people there, and I didn't share yet. Finally, a reading on codependency came up, and I shared why I'd been quiet. I never shared the sexual stuff, only the expectations I put on many people so many years. Surprisingly (a good thing) was my share was much more emotionally vulnerable, and it affected other's shares following mine. The "book talk" where people spit out program phrases constantly just deafens me, as some "know" a lot, but haven't grown much.
I also shared how I'd read someone's post here (not naming anyone or IML), how one writer shared he shared his concerns, hangups, and struggles in AA meetings regularly to defuse the tension they created, and that's why I was sharing. I shared I'd spent many years in meetings, holding it in and feeling worse after.......for doing that never made me feel better.
I did feel better after I shared. Thank you for being real here Eternity. I heard you, and it worked for me too.
I want to be FREE!
